Woman disrespects in-laws, 'I am NOT their son's servant.' AITA? 'Women are too lazy now.'

"AITA for being disrespectful to in laws, because I said I am not their son's servant?"

I am 28f married to my husband Tyler 30m. We both are Asians. I also have a son 1m. My family lives nearby and we pay for full time nanny under their supervision for his care. In Asian culture, whether women work or not, have to contribute most of household work. But with new generation, we women are putting our foot down and are not allowing this.

My husband and I work at same organization and met there, when we were 22 and new members. It is a public sector Central Bank and it is same position and job. We make same salary and work 10 to 6 mon to Friday.

We both make six figures and have household help for cleaning. But cooking is on me and my husband does laundry, dishes. Baby's care is mostly on me. I feel lucky to be in this position as we are saving for a house and our rental is leased by the bank.

My in-laws have retired and are visiting here for month. Overall, there are no major issues with them and my child loves them and they love him too. But seeing my husband doing household chores, their faces speak millions of words.

So my mil started saying, during evening snack time, that women in their generation managed both homes and work. Women are too lazy now. Fil said that he is proud of his wife for managing both. And jokingly said, my husband is henpecked (sarcastically ).

My husband stayed silent and I also sarcastically replied that, I have no interest in being a servant to their grownup son and how I had to train him for basic chores, during our initial days as a couple, six years back. They failed to teach him basic life things. I will make sure, my son learns everything. So his future partner will never complain.

I also said how men and previous in laws generation exploited women , which led to do many women being bitter and taking it out on their next generation of daughter in laws. My mother had to cook for family of ten people, because only then grand mother took care of me and my siblings.

My in-laws got angry and said I am being disrespectful. I just said I am being truthful. Since then, mil and i am not talking. Fil is ok though. My husband said to apologize and they are here for some weeks only and also love our son. That's true , but I don't see why should I apologize. They started it. I can't be fake diplomatic person.

My husband is now giving me cold shoulder and told me that I made him look less masculine. He said his father already pointed out , that my husband removes chest hair and finds it very girly thing to do.

That previous generations of men were proud of their chest hair...but I never pressured him to do that or remove them. It is his choice only...so I don't know why he brought this up! He becomes different person, whenever his parents visit. Otherwise he is chill husband. Am I the ah for being disrespectful to elders?

After reading some of the comments, OP edited the post to include:

Someone said I am training my husband as dog. W*f? I feel like clearing it. Because he couldn't even make a sandwich for himself. I trained him in household chores. I treat him with respect and he gives me same.

When we started dating he expected me to do all. It is case with most men here. I have to teach him to do basic chores. How it is disrespectful? I thought teaching someone to learn something is called training? I never saw it as a negative word and yes english isn't my first language.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

I_wanna_be_anemone said:

Maybe he’d be respected as a grown man more if he acted like one and refused to let people disrespect him and his wife in their own home…NTA.

Perfect_Ring3489 said:

Why isn't he tellling your mil to apologize? NTA.

pixie-ann said:

NTA! I think you are brilliant and you stood up for yourself so well. Your husband is sadly a weak and cowardly man, such a shame. Maybe you can train him to have some sort of backbone and support his wife, though that should also not be your responsibility. If husband had confidently stood up for his wife then perhaps he would feel “more masculine."

EasyPlane9773 said:

NTA. Respect is earned, not given by default just because someone is older. Stand your ground and prioritize your self-worth over outdated stereotypes. Everyone should contribute to their household chores, regardless of gender.

Square-Minimum-6042 said:

NTA. You brought up many good points. Your husband is weak and cowardly. Maybe because he removes his chest hair? Lol but I never heard of that!

Standard_Session1106 said:

NTA. But your husband needs to have your back. Mommy's boys are so ick and this will be a constant source of bs in your relationship.