Woman disturbed when husband starts 'dating her again,' 'Is this because of your PYRAMID SCHEME?!' BIZARRE UPDATE

When this woman is upset with her husband, he asks the internet:

"My husband (25M) has asked to start going on regular dates with me (26F) again, and I’m a little sad?"

My husband John (fake name) and I have been married for over two years, and dated for about 3 years before that. Overall, we have a generally healthy relationship with good communication.

When we first got married, we used to go on lots of dates - not necessarily anything big, sometimes just coffee or a drive - but we went out of our way to get out of the house together for quality time.

As time has passed, I have taken on more freelance work, keeping me busier, and he’s started saying that he’s just too tired or doesn’t feel like getting ready to go out after work or on his days off. Up until now, I haven’t had an issue with that. He does work a lot and I don’t blame him at all! But here’s where things have changed…

A couple of months ago, he got really interested in digital marketing - basically selling products online. He bought an expensive course to help him learn, and has started trying to consistently post three times a day in order to build a following on a new Instagram account - so he’s really putting a lot of work into this.

I’m not holding my breath that it will work out for several reasons that I won’t get into here (unless you want them), but I’ve never discouraged him from doing it.

When he gets stressed, I encourage him, I tell him often that I’m proud of all his hard work (I am), etc. I only mention that to say that I’m not against him trying this out and haven’t put him down for it ever. But this is why I’ve gotten a little sad…

Last week, we went on a cute date after he got off work on Saturday, and I loved it! We laughed and talked and generally had a great time like those first dates after getting married.

While we were on the date, I had an idea for a cute reel that took maybe five minutes to record, and then I put my phone away for the rest of the time.

When we got home, I created and posted the reel, adding him as a collaborator with his new digital marketing Instagram account (at his request - I guess he’s gotten advice to post “real life” things, not just videos trying to sell.) No biggie! I didn’t mind. Well, since I already have a following (small, but bigger than his), that reel did better than any of the other ones on his account.

Great! We both thought. BUT - Now he’s asked to go on a small date every Saturday.

At first I was so happy! I’d love to get back to our regular dates, but then he said it would be so that we could get content for his page.

He asked if I could be a collaborator on all or most of the posts, but if he could post them himself so he gets the “credit” for the engagement. (I guess all the view/likes/etc don’t actually bump his page analytics since I was the one who created the post?)

I’m feeling hurt because for over a year, he hasn’t shown much interest in taking me out. Now all of a sudden, because he needs content and saw how I could help his view count go up, he want to go on dates, though.

I guess I’m just feeling used and like I’m not any kind of a priority. I feel like the dates won’t even count as actual dates because he’s not asking to go out to spend time with me.

I do want to reiterate that I’m not opposed to him doing this side job, and I’m not even opposed to helping him or collaborating on posts (though I’d prefer not to do it every week).

I’m actually really happy - whether or not it works out as a money maker - that he’s just putting a lot of effort into something that excites him! I haven’t seen him this into anything maybe ever.

I’m asking for advice because I don’t know if I should bring this up to him or not, and if I do, what should I say? The last thing I want to do is make him feel bad or discourage him in his new endeavor. Should I just be grateful to be going on dates again? Am I being selfish?

Thanks for any and all advice and sorry if this is very long. If this could be posted to sub, I’m open to suggestions. I couldn’t post to relationship advice because it has a yes or no question lol.

Edit: because so many people are getting hung up on the double standard of me making content on the date, but not wanting him to - I just want to clarify that I’m not a content creator by any means, I asked if he’d want to do this reel and he said yes, and it’s not a regular thing as I don’t post much.

To me the difference here is that the whole point of these dates moving forward will be to get content, and for him it will be work, where for me it was just a fun thing for us. Maybe this doesn’t make a difference, but that’s just how I see it in my head.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

saghauu writes:

So he is in an MLM and he admitted that his wanting to go out with you is to support his cultish “business” rather than because he values the time. That hurts. I get it. I’m sorry.

I do want to say that these companies/“opportunities”/MLMs are very scripted, high pressure and designed to make people think if they fail they are at fault (despite the actual setup being a massive reason for the failure). They literally borrow cult tactics in order to prey on people.

I think you should talk about your feelings, but I also think you should tread lightly because the whole system is designed for him to be defensive if you bring up reason. It’s part of the gig. There is lots of. Hugs. I’m sorry.

carole7 writes:

How about you tell him how you feel and that a date is a date a reels are for work. If he wants to go on dates just to get views those can be only one on 5 dates if you are comfortable with even that. Communicate.

cresppt writes:

You should have a conversation with him to make sure he understands that, while you’re excited to support creating content for his business, and with the idea of going on dates more frequently, that his priority needs to be making you feel like his wife, not an actress.

And that’s how you will feel if he badgers you about his ideas for videos you reject or find embarrassing, or if he get pouty when he needs content but you don’t feel like going out, or if, after recording something, he starts pushing to cut the evening short so he can go home to edit and post.

I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with content creation being an element of his motivation, sometimes people need an external inspiratio to push them to seek out new things to do in town, or beyond the welcoming hug of the couch after a long day.

If a couple starts going on an evening walk together each night to get some exercise, the time they spend together isn’t any less meaningful because they’re also doing it to get exercise

But if you’re going on the walk to spend time together and he’s doing it to get exercise, you need to make sure he understands your motivation, and that you might just stay home if he decides he wants to go on a 10-mile hike with some light bouldering.

I would tell him you don't mind filming a reel once in a while on dates but you don't want the sole purpose of your date to be content creation.

featgh writes:

i think your feelings are valid, maybe it’s a matter of you wanted his desire to spend time with you to be enough without the added perk of social engagement.

so i think you have to make a choice, if you’re okay with recording and posting y’all’s dates then just move forward and enjoy the time with your partner. it’s not necessary to vocalize if you’re generally happy with the arrangement, even if the origin might’ve given you some sticky feelings.

i think if you enjoy making content (i assume since the reel was your idea) then it’s a small price to pay for some intentional time spent with your husband. and i think it’s likely that this feeling will dissipate as you get to enjoy more time with your spouse on a regular basis.

but if you think you’ll become resentful because of how this all originated then talk it out with him. you can decide if you can find a balance between “content dates” and regular dates, or if you don’t want to make content anymore at all.

if you think it’ll ruin your night if he takes his phone out to record then vocalize that in advance. yall are partners and can work together to find something that works for yall.

but it’s all up to you how much it matter to you. personally, my son’s dad has an online business and he takes content when we’re hanging out washing the cars sometimes.

i don’t mind because i’m just happy to be spending some time with him. but if it’s something that bothers you deeply then communicate that and see how it goes.

daghyu writes:

I would say I was so excited that you wanted to go on more dates but it seems like the only reason why is because you think it could benefit your brand.

Sadly with any social selling especially MLM style or digital marketing they almost have to learn their own lessons. :( took me 6 years to get out of my MLM brainwashing.

My hubby supported me and encouraged me with my decision to do it and my decision to be done. I'm so glad he did because it's just a little blip on the radar in our long and healthy relationship. For your sake I hope he gets out sooner! Hugs

agha134y writes:

I think you need to sit down and have a very, very serious talk about whether or not you are okay dating an influencer or being part of his content at all. Digital marketers are still influencers and you should definitely make him see it as such.

Ask him serious questions. If you have children, are they going to be on camera? What about your anniversary, presents he gets you? What is off limits?

For you, any dates being on camera might be off limits. Or, he can take a few photos and videos on his own that don't feature you but maybe show the food or activity and then he puts his phone away the rest of the date.

He can also post and edit his content later, he does not need to edit it on the date. Maybe he should develop hobbies that are nice on camera or take himself on dates if he wants to use them for content--there is no reason he can't go to a museum or do crafts or anything that makes him look more well rounded and use that for content. There is no reason he has to use you.

Also , is he expecting you to post every week? Are you supposed to be an influencer now too? You seem to have no interest in being an influencer couple. That said, you can also tell him tat you are hurt that he only takes an interest in dating you when it benefits him but not otherwise.

I recommend at least one date a week or day that is just to celebrate the both of you where phones are put away except for the occasional picture that is just for your memories, not for online.

Online likes and follows and influencer culture is addictive, whether you're making UGC, you're a mommy vlogger, a tech wiz who shares their expertise, or a digital marketer who shows his home life with his (otherwise unwilling) wife. Good luck on your talk and please update on how it goes. Hopefully he will be receptive and realize he's in the wrong

Update 1:

So, first of all thank you to the vast majority of you who were logical and kind. And screw the people who immediately jumped to bashing women. In 2024? Really?Anyways, here’s what I ended up doing:

Many MANY of the comments said that the best thing to do was probably just take the win and find the good in my situation, but if it’s really bothering me, to bring it up to “John.” I honestly didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be upset on every date either, so I decided to give it a trial run and see how I felt after.

I waited two weeks to make a decision, and chose to go ahead and mention it to him. For those of you who think I’m some dramatic witch who’s husband could never to enough to make her happy - I told him, I was sure how I felt wasn’t how he intended to come across, but then explained what I had been thinking.

Sure enough, as many of you said, he was just “killing two birds with one stone.” I told him I was totally fine creating content on our dates, but I just didn’t want to feel like that was WHY we were on a date. He said that he understood and would be careful about it, and that if I was bothered or wanted to have a no-content date, to just let him know.

So, that’s the good part. The next part was a little tougher. Per the advice of a couple of you with either digital marketing or MLM experience, I had the tough pyramid scheme talk. I told him before during and after this conversation that no matter what he chooses to do, I will support him and help him, but I also explained to him a few things.

How the marketing was misleading, how most people lose money instead of making it, how they will try to keep trying to get him to spend more money to “make it work,” etc. I also suggested that he track his hours of learning, content creating, and posting, so that even if he does start making sales, he can decide if the time is worth the payout.

I probably mentioned other things as well, but I don’t remember what if so. I have always been VERY anti-mlm and like to think I know a lot about it, so I just tried to give him all the basic info in a kind way.

After all that, I told him if he wanted to keep trying, I was for it as long as he doesn’t invest any more money before he makes some. I also told him how I was so proud of all the work he put into his side hustle so far and how I loved that he was excited about it, how he’s been getting up early to work out because of it

(he will record parts of his run/stretches/etc, but actually does a full workout or run), and I love how it’s energized him.

Understandably, he was a little sad and quiet, but he understood everything and wasn’t mad at all. This was all last night and he was totally back to normal before bed, and he’s continued posting today, so I guess I didn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him like I thought I might!

That’s the whole reason I waited so long, but I guess it would have been fine all along. I am looking forward to our weekly dates, and to the fact that we will be able to look back and remember them all since we will have videos from each one.

Again, grateful for all of your kind words, and I’m happy to answer comments or questions. Just be nice for goodness sake!