Woman ditches her MOH speech at best friend's wedding; 'There was so much drama with her family I freaked out.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for Ditching My Maid of Honor Speech?"

Hey everyone, I’m in a bit of a pickle and need some outside perspective. I (28F) was honored when my best friend Sarah (27F) asked me to be her maid of honor. We've been friends since college, and I was thrilled to support her on her big day. However, things took a turn that has left me feeling really conflicted.

The wedding planning has been pretty stressful for Sarah. She’s been juggling work and planning while trying to deal with family drama, especially with her parents.

They’re not exactly on good terms, which I think has contributed to her anxiety. I tried to be there for her, helping with everything from picking out bridesmaids' dresses to organizing the bachelorette party.

As the wedding day approached, Sarah asked me to give a speech. I initially felt honored but also a bit nervous. Public speaking has never been my strong suit, and the idea of addressing a room full of people, many of whom I don’t know, was daunting. I told her I’d do my best to come up with something heartfelt.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say. I wanted it to be meaningful and fun without being too sappy. I wrote and rewrote my speech, trying to find the right balance. Sarah was excited about it and even encouraged me to share funny stories from our friendship.

But then, a few days before the wedding, things changed. Sarah had a meltdown about the wedding plans and ended up having a huge fight with her parents. I rushed over to help her calm down, and in the process, I discovered that her parents planned to give their own speeches.

These speeches would touch on her childhood and family memories, which I realized might overshadow what I wanted to say.

In the moment, I tried to reassure her that it would all be fine and that her parents’ speeches would complement mine. But as the wedding day got closer, I started to feel increasingly uncomfortable.

I was worried that my speech wouldn’t fit in with what everyone else would say and that it might feel out of place.

On the morning of the wedding, as I was getting ready, I felt this overwhelming anxiety. I started to think about how important this day was for Sarah and that my speech might not be the highlight she needed.

I decided, in a moment of panic, to ditch the speech entirely. Instead, I opted to just say a few words from the heart during the toast, but nothing prepared.

When it was my turn to speak, I stood up and said a few kind words about Sarah and her new husband, but it was very brief—definitely not the heartfelt speech I had originally intended. Sarah looked a bit surprised and maybe even disappointed, but she smiled and moved on.

After the wedding, I’ve been getting mixed reactions. Some friends thought I handled it well and that it was better to keep it simple, but others have told me I let Sarah down by not delivering a proper speech. I’m feeling guilty and wondering if I made the wrong choice.

So, AITA for not giving my Maid of Honor speech as planned? I really thought I was doing what was best for Sarah, but now I’m second-guessing myself. What do you think?

Let's see what readers thought:

ESH. I can understand your anxiety about public speaking, and it’s commendable that you wanted to support your friend.

However, it seems like you made a decision based on your own fear without communicating with Sarah about your concerns. She asked you to give a speech because she values your perspective, and by pulling out last minute, you might have unintentionally hurt her feelings.

On the other hand, Sarah should have been more aware of how the stress she was under could affect the people around her. It’s great that you were there for her during the family drama, but she should have considered how her parents' speeches might impact your contribution.

Maybe she could have reassured you or even adjusted expectations for her parents’ speeches to allow for your moment. In the end, you both could have communicated better to create a more supportive environment for each other.

aty7 writes:

ESH. It sounds like you both have a lot on your plates, and the pressure of wedding planning has clearly taken a toll on Sarah.

While it's understandable that you felt overwhelmed, deciding not to deliver the speech at all was a bit of an overreaction. It might have been more constructive to talk to Sarah about your feelings instead of opting out completely. A heartfelt speech doesn’t have to be long; even a few personal anecdotes could have gone a long way in making her day special.

As for Sarah, she should have recognized that her parents’ speeches might overshadow yours.

While family dynamics can be complicated, she could have reassured you that your speech would still be a cherished part of the celebration. Instead of focusing solely on her own stress, she should have acknowledged your effort and nervousness leading up to the big day.

Both of you needed to communicate more openly, which could have helped alleviate the pressure.

flestyuo writes:

NTA. It’s completely understandable to feel anxious about public speaking, especially in a high-stakes situation like a wedding. You were doing your best to prepare a heartfelt speech for your best friend, and it’s admirable that you wanted to contribute to her special day.

However, the dynamics with her parents created an environment where you felt uncomfortable and overshadowed, which is valid.

You recognized that the focus should be on Sarah and her happiness, and that’s why you made the decision to keep it simple. It’s not fair for anyone to pressure you into delivering a speech when you were feeling that level of anxiety.

Your role as the maid of honor is to support her, and you did that by adjusting your approach to ensure she had a smooth experience. Your intention was to lift her spirits, and that’s what matters most.

grims7y6 writes:

NTA. It sounds like you made a thoughtful decision in the moment. Weddings can be incredibly stressful, and the last thing you wanted to do was add to Sarah’s anxiety by delivering a speech that might not fit the tone of the event.

It’s important to recognize your own limits, and by choosing to keep your comments brief, you prioritized Sarah’s well-being over your own discomfort.

Additionally, Sarah should understand that weddings are collaborative events. It’s not solely about her; it’s about everyone coming together to celebrate. If her parents were going to give speeches that would take the spotlight, it’s reasonable for you to reassess your own contribution.

You showed a lot of maturity in navigating that situation, and I think your instincts to simplify your speech were spot on. You supported her in the best way you could under the circumstances.

jujjbee writes:

ESH. First off, I completely empathize with your anxiety about public speaking; it can be nerve-wracking, especially in a wedding setting. However, by choosing to skip your planned speech altogether, you may have missed an opportunity to genuinely honor your friendship with Sarah.

A speech is a special moment, and while it’s understandable to be worried about overshadowing her parents’ speeches, your unique experiences with Sarah could have added a personal touch that her parents wouldn’t have covered.

On the flip side, Sarah also bears some responsibility. She should have been more attuned to the emotional state of those around her. If she was aware of the potential for her parents' speeches to overshadow yours, she could have communicated that to you or offered to adjust things so everyone’s contributions felt valued.

Wedding planning can be overwhelming, but good friends help each other through that chaos. In this case, neither of you fully considered the other's feelings, and that led to a missed opportunity to celebrate your friendship.

And now, OP's update:

Hey everyone, I wanted to take a moment to update you all on what’s been going on since my original post.

After the wedding, I felt a mix of relief and guilt about my decision to keep my speech brief. I decided to talk to Sarah about it, and I was really nervous going into the conversation.

When I brought it up, she surprised me by saying she understood why I made the choice I did. She admitted that the stress had really gotten to her, and she appreciated me being there for her during such a chaotic time.

We ended up having a really heartfelt discussion about the whole experience. She said she wished she had communicated more about the speeches and how they might overshadow mine. It was a good reminder that we’re both navigating our own stresses and could have supported each other better.

In the end, she told me that my few words during the toast meant a lot to her and that she felt loved and supported regardless of the speech.

Hearing that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. We both agreed that communication is key, especially during significant life events like weddings.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses and advice! I’m feeling much more at peace with everything, and I’m grateful to have such a supportive friend in Sarah. Here’s to more open conversations in the future.