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Woman wants immediate divorce when she finds husband's 'psychotic & fake online persona;' 'WTF IS THIS?!!' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.

Woman wants immediate divorce when she finds husband's 'psychotic & fake online persona;' 'WTF IS THIS?!!' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.


When this woman find's her husband's disturbing online life and cannot believe what she's seeing, she asks Reddit:

"I’m leaving my husband because I found out he’s living a completely different life online. I think he's crazy. AITA?"

Hi again! I’m sorry! I think I just deleted my account yesterday, thinking it was only deactivated. Anyway I wrote about my husband being upset about my sister gaining weight. I received a lot of comments and DMs making me understand that my feelings of yuck were valid. IT IS weird that he cares.

I stayed up until the wee hours going through his computer and phone. My husband is a gamer and we have a gaming room. He hasn’t changed his passwords and codes since we were dating and while he was sleeping I was up snooping.

Anyway I was shocked with what I saw. Yes my husband is in love or at least has a crush on my sister. I’m not the only one he’s complaining to about her weight gain. His best friend knows EVERYTHING.

He actually sends him pictures of my sister and openly admits that he uses these pictures to pleasure himself some nights. He complains that she’s getting fatter. He’s annoyed that she might be pregnant or that she’s just going to ruin her beauty.

One of the pictures he has sent to his best friend where he admits that he masturbates to is from her Facebook. WITH MY TODDLER NEPHEW KISSING HER CHEEK. He has also taken pictures of her on our vacations. In bikini. Maybe hundreds. Some of them he has just cropped me out of.

On his pc, he has group chats with his gaming friends. People that don’t know him IRL. To those he pretend that my sister and her children are his family. He proudly brags about having her. His profile picture is of her, her children and him from a Christmas party.

I’m chocked and disturbed and very confused. I never pressure him to do anything nice to me but he tells me he loves me every day. He kisses and hugs me all the time. He never complains about me or my appearance and although he never compliments my looks, he never complains about them either.

My sister is very beautiful, and she’s always been beautiful. I’ve learned that I could be other things and I’m fine with it. I have many great qualities and I always get compliments for them. That’s why I never reacted to the lack of compliments from my husband. This is just how things always been for me.

I don’t know if he loves me. Not two weeks ago, we had our tenth anniversary and he had surprised me with a weekend in Paris and a beautiful new engraved wedding band. What’s going on? And what about posing her children as his? My husband and I are childfree and it was more his choice. He never wanted children. EVER.

I didn’t appreciate some of you trying to make my sister involved in this. She’s not. She’s an amazing sister and she would never do that to me. To make it even clearer. After sweeping all his devices, there’s nothing from her to him that could remotely be interpreted as suspicious.

They don’t talk private and the last text he has from her is when I turned 30 and they were planning a surprise party. Other than that they communicate through our group chats. So please stop.

About our weight. None of us is obese. I’ve always been on the curvy side. My sister is very slim. She has been fighting depression almost all her adult life because of something that happened to her in the past.

And when she’s depressed she can’t eat. So when she gains weight, we’re all delighted because it means she’s happy and eating well.

I’m divorcing my husband. I have yet to tell him what I’ve read and seen. I’m not ashamed that I have snooped around his private matters and I’m not gonna wait and listen to excuses. This is beyond creepy and beyond salvation. it’s so over.

Before we give you OP's major updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

nospinach6 writes:

OP, I think you need to speak with the BIL about this. Your sister needs to know, but because of her past traumatic experience, and the fact that your BIL lives with her current stages in coping with it, he needs to be involved so he can address this in the way that is best for your sister.

Not only is it better for her, but it is also for him to decide how he wants to move forward. Your husband has exploited his children and wife online by posting pictures of them without their consent or knowledge.

basicelder writes:

I honestly would tell your sister about his creepy behavior. What if he actually tries to go after her and tries to change the narrative to make it seem like you’re crazy? If your sisters feelings get invested, she might be less inclined to believe you.

Even if she would never consider your husband, there’s still the fact that she should be aware that your husband is posting photos and videos of her and her child online and passing them off as his family.

I would want to know if a man was masturbating to a picture of me holding my child. All of this is weird ass behavior your sister should be made aware of so she can protect herself and your nephew at the very least.

I would get evidence first of everything. Back it up to multiple different accounts so you have it saved no matter what.

Tell him why you’re leaving him and that if he ever contacts you or your family again, you will provide them with the screenshots of his creepy conversations about your sister along with everything else. Leave and never look back.

felisverde writes:

I'm sorry to say, but this behavior is more than a little alarming. It's bordering on psychotic, if not that. He may have been with you to get or remain closer to your sister. He may have been stalking her much longer than you realize.

Before you do or alert him to ANYTHING, you need to make copies of ANY & ALL EVIDENCE of his behavior online, in chats, gaming, etc...take photos, make digital copies, MUST have proof, you MUST have evidence to back you up.

Do NOT let him know you have seen ANY of this. Do NOT tell your sister until you have any & all evidence you need & you have gotten yourself SAFELY away from him.

I promise you, this is a man who is obsessed & will not react well to having the object of his obsession removed from his life. He is far more unbalanced & potentially dangerous than you realize. Please be safe.

Please take care of yourself & your safety FIRST. I am so, SO, sorry this has happened to you. Please keep us updated when you can..only so that we know you are safely out of there.

lesilver writes:

As a twin (and big sister) who has had creepy guys try to compare the three of us or be into one of the others more than the one they're dating (and even when the dating was going well), please, please tell your sister.

She'll hate it and him for doing this to you but it's your best move. She's going to need to know for her safety (for all the reasons people have already stated) and you need to have your sister there for you as well.

From everything you've said she is truly unaware and I am sure she would be horrified. She's going to have questions if you're as happy of a couple as you appear, especially with what you've said about this anniversary trip and how much affection he gives you.

You trust your sister not to be involved. Please trust her to be there for you, too.

If you're not already in therapy, please consider starting. Me and my sisters are all a little different physically and being compared like that, even if you are happy with yourself, is so hard on you mentally.

You'd already going to be dealing with so much in a normal divorce and this is by no means a normal divorce. You will need someone to help you navigate some really tricky ground here to preserve your relationship with your sister and with your own mental health.

kyakomina writes:

It’s good you are divorcing him. I would suggest telling your sister and her husband at some point but you don’t have to do it right away.

They do have a right to know because her privacy has indeed been violated as well as her children’s by having their pictures circulated without their consent to strangers. Especially bikini pictures.

If he ever gave out his real name to someone, and they know how to research and get personal info on anyone he’s connected with, it could get he personal information on the internet somewhere even if he didn’t intend to have it happen.

Also it could easily spark issues if anyone in your community found out before her and her husband do. It would be a shame for a healthy marriage to get ruined by your husband.

As for yourself, I hope you’re able to move on from this and find a healthy stable partner in the future who appreciates you. You’re not wrong for looking through his stuff in this particular situation considering the circumstances.

okburden writes:

I know you said you weren’t gonna tell your sister but I think for her safety you should.

There was another woman who posted here about how her husband was in love with her sister and he said he’d try and be a good husband and dad to her but then he found out her sister was pregnant and went off the walls and was headed to her sister’s house to go see her...

(I’m not sure for what as she ended up calling her sister and inviting her over and telling her everything as she was concerned for her sister’s safety because he was drunk) your husband is telling people online he’s married to your sister and has her children he’s already displaying serious signs of erratic behavior...

I’d let your sister know what’s going on, how much you wanna tell her for the sake of her own sanity is up to you (maybe you could ask a psychiatrist how much info you should reveal so she doesn’t become paranoid). Hope you update soon and hope it’s all good. Best of luck to you.

And now, OP's major updates:

I told my mom everything as a first step. She is as baffled as I’m and she also doesn’t know what to do about my sister given her past (she was SA in college, changed her as a person forever).

I mentioned to her about maybe asking her therapist for help (thank you for the redditor who suggested it). She’s going to contact her (therapist) tomorrow. Beside me, mom dad and my sister’s therapist nobody knows about her being r*ped. She wanted to keep it a secret from her husband.

After we’ve talked to her she could decide telling BIL or not . He’s a good man and I’m sure he’s going to be a great support should she decide to tell him. And then I will hopefully get her forgiveness. I’m so sorry to have introduced such a horrid man to her life.

Update #2:

my soon to be ex husband called when he saw that I’ve been on his phone and pc. He asked me where I was and when I will be coming home. I told him: come on! you know I’m not coming back.

He sounded so defeated. Told me he was disgusted with himself and that he was sorry and that he loved me. He just wasn’t in love with me and hasn’t been for 2 years. I told him that I never wanted to see him again and most importantly I never want him to contact my sister.

He said he would never do that and that he never would have acted on his fantasies. It’s just his “escape” from reality. He hasn’t been feeling well and this was his go to comfort. He’s posing as a richer man, more successful with a beautiful wife and beautiful children and his friends admires him for it.

And it gives him the rush he needs to cope with reality. Anyway he begged me not to tell my sister and especially not her husband and promised to never bother me again.

I don’t know what to feel. Im numb maybe the hurt and sadness will come later. I’m more repulsed and disappointed right now. Only last weekend we were planning new renovations and a new car.

My mom is awesome. She told me not to rush the heartbreak because it will be coming eventually. I’m on survival mode rn. Tears will come when everything settles and divorce is a fact not just a reaction. Thank you all for the support life goes on!

Any advice for OP in this situation? What would YOU do?

Sources: Reddit
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