Woman wants divorce after husband teases her about pants. AITA? 'I LOST IT.'

"AITA if I told my husband I wanted a divorce after he made fun of how many pants I tried on?"

I (30F) had a baby 8 weeks ago via a traumatic birth (10+ hrs of active labor, super high fever, emergency C-section, and my son didn’t breathe for 8 min after coming out). I told my husband (37M) that I had no birth plan, and I just wanted us all to get out of the hospital alive and healthy...

However, I did have a very specific plan for the first 40 days postpartum that involved eating specific Chinese foods, limiting outings, and not being cold or in the wind; I told him it was very important to me culturally and for my healing. While I was pregnant, (which also had its complications)...

I meal prepped and froze a lot of food that I just asked him to heat up and add vegetables and make rice, and I wrote recipes down for him. He said, “I got you, baby.” He, in fact, did not have me.

I spent the first two weeks postpartum sleeping on the couch (because I couldn’t get in and out of bed after my surgery), doing the whole night shift by myself every night, and not eating anything besides the fast food he would bring home (or I would end up cooking for us).

He told me that staying inside for 40 days was stupid, so by day 10 we were going out (I know that I should have said no, but I was too tired to argue). We had gone to the beach day 14, and when we got there, there were 35 mph winds and my husband said, “let me just fish for a little and we can go,” but he disappeared down the beach (with the car keys) for 3 hours while the baby and I sat in the wind.

On day 16 he invited his sister to stay with us for a week, so I had to vacate the couch and climb in and out of our bed (still taking the whole night shift). His sister had a very similar surgery (hysterectomy) earlier this year, and was telling my husband and I about the risk of hernias after a surgery like ours. This was after both of them sat on the couch and watched me haul laundry to and from the garage while they watched TV.

She also demanded that we eat certain foods while she was here that she can’t get back home, and my husband Doordashed whatever she wanted to the house and/or drove us all to go get food that she wanted. Meanwhile, I couldn’t get him to heat up frozen food for me.

She also told us about the importance of scar care after the surgery, and suggested that I get a c section massage; any place I found were over $200, and I texted my husband I felt guilty spending that much money on something so selfish. He changed the subject and didn’t address my text at all.

I felt so incredibly hurt by this. Idk if it was hormonal or what, but him not saying anything to me feeling guilty for wanting to do something nice for myself made me feel so unloved and insignificant.

Especially because after his sister had her surgery, he talked to me about wanting to send her $10k of our savings to help her out with medical bills, and he didn’t even acknowledge, let alone offer to pay for a $200 massage for me.

After I was cleared for regular physical activity at 6 weeks, I asked him if it would be ok if I spent 30 min a day in our garage working out, he agreed and said he would watch the baby for me. The next day, when I asked him to hold the baby for me while I worked out and he took my son and put him down into the baby bjorn.

The baby started crying halfway through and I had to finish my workout while wearing the baby. He told me while I was pregnant that it was a “nonnegotiable” for him that he continue going to the gym 3x a week, and started going back week 4 from 2pm-6pm leaving me with the baby and having to figure out dinner.

The last straw for me was yesterday, I had been with the baby all night and all morning and he wanted to go get lunch, so I asked him to watch the baby so I could get dressed and I was taking longer than usual to get ready.

He snarkily said to the baby, “mom’s gotta try on 6 more pairs of pants before we can leave,” and I lost it on him. I screamed nothing fits me because I just had a baby and I don’t get to work out at all. I told him I hate him and that he should go to his parent’s house or sleep on the couch or whatever, just to leave me alone.

He shook his head at me like I was being irrational and I felt such rage inside me. How could he not see that I was dying? I spent the night googling divorce lawyers and I feel like I’m overreacting.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ok_Distribution_2603 said:

If anything, you’re underreacting, he’s worse than useless.

Exotic-Rooster4427 said:

NTA. You have had no support and it is suffocating you. Being a new mom is hard and he is not there to support you. If he is willing to drop 10k on his sister post surgery I would just hire some home help/nanny to help you adjust for a few hours break a day. Tell him he needs to remain gone for the foreseeable future.

Dry_Ask5493 said:

NTA. But let’s be clear this is not about pants. Your husband is a selfish asshole that doesn’t give a crap about you or his child. And furthermore let’s be clear that having a standard hysterectomy surgery is NOT the same as having a C-section. I have had both and the C-section is by far worse. You also shouldn’t have been carrying laundry that soon after surgery.

CJCreggsGoldfish said:

He's a bad husband and father. You and the kid will be better without him.

SeaBeneficial8133 said:

NTA. He is the ahole. It's reasonable to consider divorce when he has no respect for you and is honestly another burden you have. You deserve better. This child is both of yours and by the way he is acting, he thinks you should be the one doing all the work.

If you wanted to try, I'd suggest couples' counseling. Even if it is to figure out if divorce is the right thing. Counseling helped me realize I needed a divorce as my ex husband acted a lot like yours.

ThisWeekInTheRegency said:

Not overreacting. He sounds like a selfish, immature oaf with no respect for you or your culture. NTA. I hope you can sort out a way to have the life you want without him