So my GF and I have lived together for over a year now and she continues to do this thing that really bothers me. Basically my girlfriend will make plans with her friends without telling me.
Sometimes she might let it slip like if I ask her "hey do you want to do something this Saturday?" and she'll respond by saying "I am going out with my coworkers on Saturday" but she never communicates when she is going out. Sometimes I might find out the day of that she wont be around because she is hanging out with friends.
I've told her how much it bothers me and she just tells me she is sorry and doesn't know why she doesn't tell me when she makes plans. Last week I was telling her how I wanted to throw a get together at our place for our friends.
I asked her what she thought about Saturday the 18th and she said she made plans a month ago. This annoyed me and I asked her why she didn't tell me. She told me she forgot.
On the 10th I decided to go to my friend's birthday party. He decided last minute (the day of) that he wanted a party. This is my friend so my gf doesn't communicate with him, but she did know it was his birthday.
Without telling her, I decided to go. When my gf got home and I wasn't there, she was pissed and demanded to know where I was. I told her and she got mad that I didn't tell her. I asked her if she can understand how I feel every time she does this to me and she told me that what I did isn't the same as what she did.
I told her it was the exact same thing and it pisses me off that it took me having to do this for her to understand how much it bothers me. She packed her things and went back to her parents. She hasn't texted me yet and it's been 2 days.
I appreciate all of the replies guys. I was feeling really angry when I wrote this post and now I just feel numb. I got a call from her dad about an hour ago and he was doing some small talk with me just seeing how I was doing. She is coming home after work today and we're going to talk.
NTA. It also sounds like you're no longer the boyfriend. Win-win.
When you MADE her see what her behavior was like, she took off. Always cool when people show you who they are. Hope you paid attention. NTA 100. Make no grand effort to repair this. It's on her.
NTA. Change those locks while the selfish one is out of the house. Communication is The key to a healthy relationship and she simply don’t care enough about you to even try to communicate with you while expecting you to report everything to her. Not cool.
NTA. Enjoy the peace while it lasts. I betcha anything if you don’t try to contact her, she’ll be angry that you didn’t. This relationship sounds exhausting.
She’s not in a relationship with you. She’s got a situationship that allows her to live well. Pack up the rest of her things and drop them off at her parent’s house.
NTA. You tried to discuss it with her multiple times but she refused to get it or, if she did, to do anything about it. What you did is exactly the same thing and now she knows how it feels.
If you want to save the relationship you’ll need to work through it, however. I suggest getting a shared calendar and using that. Everything goes on the calendar and if it’s not on there then it can be cancelled. I prefer to use a Google calendar but my wife likes an old fashioned calendar that hangs in her office so we use that.