Bride 'embarrasses sister' by not thanking her for 'raising her daughters' in wedding speech. AITA?
"AITA for not thanking my sister for 'raising my daughters' in my wedding speech?"
I (25F) have two daughters from a previous relationship, Hope (11) and Grace (9), and a daughter with my current husband called Faith (3). When Hope and Grace were 4 and 2, I went to prison for 5 months, my charges were theft related, and I committed them to fund mine and their father's substance habits.
During these 5 months, I signed over custody of them to my sister and BIL, Sarah (40) and Paul (46), who had been told they couldn't have kids. I didn't plan on taking my daughters back after my release, so I planned to allow them to adopt them later down the line. Sarah and Paul were all for this, they had even approached me with the idea before I even ended up in legal trouble.
However, I turned my life around in prison. I got clean, broke up with my baby dad, and met Aiden (27M) through a pen-pal programme my older brother, Ryan (28M), encouraged me to take part in. When I was released, I began to plan my legal strategy to getting my daughters back, with Aiden helping me along the way. After my release, I received a phone call from Sarah. She told me that the doctors were wrong, she was pregnant with her "miracle baby."
I began to tell her congratulations, but before I could finish, she told me that if I didn't come and "pick up my kids and their sh*t in the next hour" she would be throwing them out onto the street. In a panic I called Aiden, who drove me over there within fifteen minutes.
When we arrived, my girls were sitting on the front porch in their PJs, no coats or shoes on, and all their belongings in trash bags. I took them back to my apartment, and then next time I saw Sarah was in the custody hearing, where I was awarded full custody of them both.
I've been low contact with Sarah and Paul and their son for the last 6 years, but invited them to my wedding for the sake of my mother and other siblings, Kate (32), Ryan (28) and Jodie (19), who are all still in contact with her. The issue at hand:
Aiden and I married two weeks ago. During the reception I made a speech. In the speech, I thanked Kate and her wife, Amanda, for my beautiful wedding cake that they baked free of charge, Ryan, for encouraging me to take part in the pen-pal programme that led me to meeting Aiden, and Jodie for being a wonderful Godmother to my daughters and making custom bridesmaid and flower girl dresses for them.
I didn't think anything of not mentioning Sarah in the speech until two days later, when she called me screaming and yelling about me being an AH for embarrassing her in front of the whole family. She told me I should be thanking her for raising my kids, threatened to sue me for custody of "her daughters" and called me a b for not letting them have a relationship with their "real sibling" referring to my nephew, and suggesting Faith is not Hope and Grace's real sister. I hung up on her.
The reason I think I might be the AH is because she did do a lot for me, essentially keeping my kids out of the foster care system and if she hadn't taken them in, I may not have seen them again. I'm just not sure, I'm getting conflicting opinions in my personal life. Kate, Ryan and Jodie tell me she's unhinged and they will be cutting contact, but my mother and aunt say I could have just mentioned her in the speech and I should have known that she would have reacted this way. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
hard_tyrant_dinosaur said:
NTA. It is rather a stretch for your sister to say she "raised them". Her and her husband took care of your kids for around half a year 6+ years ago. That is not exactly "raising them." Did your sister Sarah help when you were in a time of need? Yes. But you've had had full custody since then, and I'm sure have done far more for your kids in those years than Sarah and her husband did in those months. But Sarah wanting to be thanked for "raising them" sure sounds like she wants people to think it was otherwise. Maybe even to make people think she still has custody of them.
Could you have thanked your sister? Possibly. But I notice something interesting. The list of things you mentioned thanking family members for all had connections to the relationship with your husband or the wedding itself. I sort of doubt Sarah had done anything to support your relationship with your husband or your wedding worth thanking her for. And let's be honest, whatever thanks Sarah might deserved were negated the instant she kicked your daughters out of her home. Particularly for the manner in which she did it.
ijustlikebeingnosy said:
NTA. She lost the right to be thanked when she left the girls on the porch like that.
Legitimate_Towel_534 said:
NTA. She basically kept them for an extended summer timeframe wise. And, then put them out. Truthfully I wouldn’t even be talking to someone who put my children out in the cold.
Klutche said:
NTA. Things would be different if she'd actually been the loving figure she pretended to be, but that kind of person doesn't throw away children like garbage. The way she got rid of your girls was unacceptable.
Upset_Sink_2649 said:
NTA. The only reason your sister took your daughters was because she thought she'd be getting something she wanted -children- out of it. The fact that she "returned" them when she got what she actually wanted (a bio kid with her spouse) shows her intentions.
beardedmoose87 said:
NTA The “nice” thing Sarah did wasn’t actually nice. She took your girls in when she thought she couldn’t have any kids. And threw them away as soon as she got pregnant. Did it help you out while you were in prison? Sure did. But you were having to plan a legal strategy to get your daughters from her before she got pregnant.
She threw them outside. She never cared about them or helping you. It was all so she could be a mom. And the only reason she is upset is because she didn’t get publicly recognized like your other siblings. Sarah is unhinged and the only thing you did wrong was inviting her and staying LC with her. Need to upgrade her to NC and be done with her for good.