'AITA for ending my childcare agreement with my sister because I don't want to care for her future stepkids?'
"AITA for ending my childcare agreement with my sister because I don't want to care for her future stepkids?"
I am a stay-at-home mom to my two little boys, ages five and one. I also care for my sister's two children, ages eight and six, after school and during summer break. She sends snacks for all the kids and pays me a small amount. I never asked for a lot because it was never a big deal, and I enjoyed seeing my niece and nephew.
But now things have changed. My sister is engaged, and her future husband lives out of state with his two children. My sister told me they hoped I would take care of them. I asked when I would meet the kids, and she said they would fly in just before the wedding, and I would start immediately.
I told her I would like to get to know the kids first, and she said they want to start on the right path with being a blended family, which means treating the kids the same. She said they want them to have that after-school time together.
I told her I understood, but I would not be comfortable taking care of the kids for extended periods when I do not know them and will have met them one or two times before they would be placed in my care, and I would not be comfortable.
My sister asked why I couldn't embrace a significant change and throw myself in. I asked her if she would give me time to get to know the kids, and she said no. So I told her firmly that she would need to find someone else to take care of the kids.
My sister told me I was showing that I only consider blood-related family members. I would feel the same if my brother returned home after several years and asked me to watch his kids, who I have never met and who are blood-related. For me, it's just a position that requires a close, existing relationship for me to be okay with it. AITA though?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Working_Buddy5527 writes:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). 'My sister asked why I couldn't embrace a significant change and throw myself in.' That’s an unreasonable demand. Also, have you tried asking her why exactly she can’t let you meet the kids first?
Something smells funny about that. Sure, she’s getting married, she’s busy, and they’re out of state, but she might be hiding something, too.
Does one or both of the future husband’s kids have difficult or extra care requirements? I’m getting a big feeling she’s trying to push you into agreeing, so it’s harder for you to back out once you find out whatever she’s hiding from you.
I’m guessing that one or both kids have big behavioral problems or big care needs that are demanding. Medical conditions, developmental problems, etc. Stuff like that can be really demanding and rough, and entitled people all follow the same trickster pattern when they intentionally conceal this and try to force someone to agree to deal with it in advance, so if that person later tries to back out, they can play the 'but you already agreed!' card.
If this happens, remember, no matter what tricks she falls back on, that she tried to manipulate you. If this isn’t the case, then fine, but she’s still being pretty unreasonable.
badwolf0323 says:
NTA. Your sister is a 'my way or the highway' person. The only way to reeducate those people is to show them the highway. Reiterate your stance, don't play her strawman games.
You might want to get in front of the inevitable lies she'll tell family by proactively telling family members what happened - don't ask them for advice. Tell them what happened.
CrystalQueen3000 says:
NTA. She should take a week off and watch all six kids so that she understands what she’s asking of you. She’s being ridiculous.
What do you think? Is OP an evil stepmom's sister or is she in the right to want to develop a relationship with her