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Woman wants wedding to be about her but sister refuses to remove 'loud' toddler because they 'traveled.' AITA?

Woman wants wedding to be about her but sister refuses to remove 'loud' toddler because they 'traveled.' AITA?


Woman doesn't understand why sister is making a fuss about removing her loud toddler from her wedding.

Agreeable-Pianist-59 writes:

I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and it's going to be a destination wedding with only a few guests. My sister will be attending with her 1-year-old toddler. Of course, the child is more than welcome – she's part of the family, and we want her to be part of our special day.

However, considering her age and occasional loudness, I've kindly requested that someone takes her out if she becomes distracting during the ceremony, particularly if she starts shouting or babbling loudly. I understand that this might occur since she's typically quite vocal, but it's only for half an hour. She can be as loud as she likes for the rest of the day.

My intention is for everyone to fully engage in the ceremony, and my partner and I have planned some meaningful moments that we hope everyone can enjoy. Admittedly, I may come across as a bit demanding, but I believe it's essential for the ceremony's ambiance.

My sister disagrees, feeling that I'm excluding my niece from the ceremony and indirectly excluding my brother-in-law, who would likely be the one to step out with her. She argues that they'd essentially be traveling all that way just for the evening meal, as they might miss both the ceremony and the subsequent meal due to the toddler's bedtime.

I've assured her that there are plenty of relaxed activities planned throughout the afternoon that they'll be part of, including photos, cake, a leisurely walk, and a late lunch. However, she remains frustrated with me.

She suggests that I should have declared the event child-free from the outset, allowing them to plan accordingly. But asking a new mother to leave her child behind for a weekend trip, especially considering this was arranged a while ago when the child was much younger, would have been even more unreasonable in my opinion.

Now, my sister is contemplating attending without her partner and child, and though it's a bit frustrating, we've come to accept her decision. At this point, we'd even be okay if all three of them decided not to come.

I'm left wondering if I'm the one at fault here. I don't believe my request is unreasonable; I simply want a serene and focused ceremony without any distractions. And even if it were unreasonable, isn't my wedding day the one occasion where I'm entitled to have things my way?

Here are the top comments from the post:

antique_add says:

NTA (Not the A%@^ole), and that was a completely reasonable. Ask. Your sister's being difficult. And a one-year-old has no idea what's going on. And you are not banning the child from anything except a quiet service that will be spiritual and lovely. And you are not an a-hole for wanting your guest attention on the couple getting married and not some loud happy baby babbling away.

Call your sister's bluff in a nice way like you did, and say if that's what you need to do then do it. It. We want you here, we want Your daughter here. But if she gets loud during the ceremony, please take her outside.

Sea-Relationship6918 says:

You are absolutely NTA. In 2022, I took my then 8 month old daughter across the US to my husband’s brother’s wedding where my husband was best man. I completely realized no one wanted to hear her noise during the ceremony mass and exited without being asked.

I was there to also attend the rehearsal dinner, the reception (which I stayed at until 8 or 9 pm then drove my BILs car back to the house w my daughter, allowing my husband to stay on), and be a part of a special family event.

To me, your sister is completely absurd for not thinking of you, your partner, and the other guests first. Who cares about a child who won’t remember it missing the ceremony? She’s being self-centred and silly IMHO

indicatprincess says:

NTA, Anyone who's ever been to a wedding where a child starts babbling or crying during the ceremony knows how distracting it is. Parents claim they can always "take them outside" but that just means the kid already started being noisy. I think your sister is being absolutely ridiculous.

Quirky-Explorer6977 says:

NTA, Weddings cost a lot of money so it’s only valid that you want the attention to be on you both on your special day. You really are not asking much, I think your sister is overreacting.

molewarp says:

NTA. She wants all the attention to be on Super Mummy and her Wonder Child.

Professional_Ruin953 says:

Prince Louis, at age 4 years, was whisked out of the coronation by his nanny for a break when he started getting antsy. It’s fine to expect that very small children be whisked out of a situation where they have to sit still and quiet for longer than they’re able. Your sister is being a self absorbed main-character, don’t let her. NTA.

What do you think? Is OP right to want her toddler out if she starts a fuss?

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