'AITA for not wanting my MIL in the delivery room? She's been acting so weird.'
"AITA for not wanting my MIL in the delivery room because she's been acting so weird since I got pregnant?"
I really liked my MIL before I got pregnant. But since that point.. she's been acting strange and I kind of can't stand her. Almost like she's trying to one up me or prove her place in her son's life. She didn't act like this prior to me becoming pregnant.
So since I got pregnant she has been stopping in randomly with gifts for my husband. Things like tools, money and jewelry. My husband hates jewelry, always has. The first time she brought over a bracelet I said "I love that! I bought him one just like it but he won't wear it."
She said "Well, I'm his MOM so he WILL wear it. It's a mom and son thing." Okay, weird, but whatever. He doesn't wear the bracelet. Then the money thing.. randomly trying to give him money and he hates it.
He's expressed it multiple times. She won't stop however. She keeps saying "I want you to buy yourself something nice for once" etc etc. Again, whatever. But it's just getting weirder.
Like her randomly showing up to my doctors appointments and telling the nurses that she is my husband's moral support and that she needs to "hold him up?"
So my baby shower was last week (I'm due in 5 days). She gets us a car seat, knowing we already bought one. The car seat we bought was $380 and it grows with the baby. The one she bought was a $99 infant only car seat. She told him to return the one we got because "the one I bought has sentimental value because I bought it."
Then she turns to me and says "I better get a phone call when the baby is coming so I can be there to support MY baby" and starts rubbing my husband's back while smiling up at him and it just like...grossed me out honestly.
I don't want her there and her weirdness since finding out about my pregnancy is just pushing me over the edge and I don't know what to do because she was not like this prior to finding out I was pregnant. It's like a switch flipped. My husband feels bad because we both know this is not normal and he doesn't know how to deal with it either.
But I still don't want her in that room. It's going to piss me off if I'm sitting there in pain and she's going around kissing his ass and doting on him when him and I should be supporting each other for such a big life changing event.
But my husband says maybe we should just let her in the room and see if she goes "back to normal" after. I'm totally against it. Not only because her presence is causing him to act awkward and reserved due to her weirdness but because her mere presence lately has been pissing me off. AITA?
ETA: for context, she has 2 daughters and another son, all of which have children. My husband is her youngest and this is his first baby. She did not attend any of her other grandkids births.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this MIL drama:
PanaceaStark said:
I cannot emphasize this enough: BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! This expectation of family members that they have some inherent right to be be in the room to see baby being born is weird and wrong. It should be 100% up to the mother who is present.
MIL could be the sweetest, most supportive woman in the world and she still doesn't have a default right to be in the room. Take it from someone who has done it many times and many ways: Birth can be very difficult, ugly, and unflattering to the birthing mother, and her physical and emotional comfort and security should be top priority over anyone else's whims.
_Deletion said:
NTA your MIL is acting wack. I say stick to your guns. You don't need the distraction while giving birth. Good luck BTW! Hopefully everything works out well.
daisybuchanangatz said:
NTA. You are the only person who has any say about who will be in the delivery room. There is zero chance I'd be telling this woman I'm in labor until the baby is out!
moarwineprs said:
Your delivery is NOT the time to "see if she goes back to normal". NTA. No. You are the one going through a serious medical event. She can go pound sand. Make sure your husband is on board and is NOT to notify her at any point that you are in labor OR that the baby has arrived until you are good and ready to entertain the possibility of having to interact with her.
If you can, register privately at the hospital/birth center so even if she tries calling the hospital cannot confirm or deny whether you are a patient.
Give the L&D staff a head's up that you do NOT want your MIL in the delivery room or anywhere near you until you give the OK, and that if she shows up she is to be barred/escorted out. Inform your husband that this is plan so he doesn't think, "Well if mom shows up what can we do???"
It's one thing if it was you wondering about whether to invite somebody. But you, as the pregnant woman who is going to be delivering a baby, don't want this woman there, so she doesn't get to be there.
jabmwr said:
NTA. Tell your OB team who is allowed in the delivery room ahead of time. They deal with this BS all the time. Your husband feels bad about keeping his mother out of the room? Her hurt feelings do not trump your comfort and safety in one of the most vulnerable times in your life.
This is the consequence of her bizarre and unacceptable behavior. She doesn’t deserve to be granted the privilege of being there simply because she’s his mother. This about YOU, and you alone.
It’s your husband’s job to enforce the boundary for the delivery and moving forward. There are ways to do it respectfully, but it’s on your husband to do so.
strangeloop414 said:
NTA- you are about to have one of the most exhilarating but also most vulnerable experiences of your life. It is not up to your husband or anyone else to decide who gets to see you in that state or be there with you during it.
Childbirth can be complicated, it's painful, it's messy and gross, and it can be really frightening during parts of the process. No one who makes you uncomfortable should have any access to you, and their feelings about it doesn't matter.
This is 100% your choice- anyone who puts her creepy feelings before yours is out of line. Best of luck to you!