Woman drops SIL from bridal party for posting awful pics of her on Instagram. UPDATED 2X
"AITA for kicking my SIL out of my bridal party for posting a pic of me in my wedding dress??"
I (27F) got engaged to my fiancé (34M) right before covid and, due to the pandemic, have experienced delay after delay. But FINALLY, we have begun planning and are aiming at a mid-May 2024 wedding.
My mother asked me if I could include my SIL in my bridal party because my brother moved several states away after marrying and has expressed feeling isolated without family around. I could understand, so I agreed.
But my SIL has been nothing short of a nightmare. My bridesmaid all assisted in handwriting and sending out our wedding invitations. Still, the ones my SIL helped with all had zero invitations inside and instead was an empty envelope (I know they were hers because everyone had different shades of pink envelopes to go from).
She also took the longest at our makeup and hair consultations, even extending her appointment an hour (to which I was charged— I am covering her expenses as she is a SAHM, and I know things are tight right now) because she could not agree with the stylist on what makeup she wanted.
But the final straw came when I found the dress of my dreams. The only problem was I was 15 pounds too heavy for it, and I bawled my eyes out because I knew this was the dress for me. Everyone was encouraging, and I still had plenty of time to lose 15 pounds and return for a fitting, etc., so I agreed and said yes to the dress.
When I got home that night, I noticed on my SILs Instagram that she had posted a picture to her Instagram of me in the dress, ugly and crying, and I was livid. My fiancé has already seen the Instagram picture, and I am devastated; he was not supposed to see me in the dress until our wedding day, and I know many more people have seen it!
I could not help myself. I called her and exploded, adding that she would not be at my bridal party and had ruined my wedding. My mother has called me and told me that even though she understands I lacked compassion and have severely hurt my SILs feelings. She asked if I could find it in my heart to forgive, but I told her even if I did that, I still would not include her in my party. AITA?
Update 1:
My brother contacted me to apologize on my SILs behalf. He said she posted it thinking the app had a feature where she could post privately. I had never seen this on Instagram or knew it was possible, BUT when I asked why the picture was taken in the first place, he said she just wanted to capture the start of my 'fitting into the dress' journey.
I told my brother she was not getting back into my bridal party, which he understood, but when I mentioned she could not attend my wedding, he stated if that were the case, he could not come either.
UPDATE 2:
My brother and SIL did not have a wedding. They were in their third year of college and only married at the courthouse over a summer break. I admit that I do not have a very close relationship with her.
I work longer hours and often am tired afterward, so I go home to relax, especially these last few years. We are cordial whenever we have been together, but we have no real relationship.
The Internet thinks OP was generous.
Major_Barnacle_2212 says:
I'm dying to know her excuse for posting a photo of the bride in her dress CRYING on her social media.
Bounced from the party was kind. NTA (Not the A%#hole) at all. Equally excited to hear why your mother is defending your SIL.
MijiMosch says:
Wow so SIL posted a humiliating pic of you on IG, in the wedding dress she knew you chose and you're the one who lacks compassion?! Sorry, it's more like SIL and your mother are both devoid of compassion for you! You are so NTA, but they (or anyone else who think what SIL did was ok) are!
Paevatar says:
NTA. I suspect your SIL is jealous and wants to subtly sabotage your wedding -- at least the envelopes and the hair consultation were passive-aggressive. But posting the photo of you crying while wearing your chosen wedding dress is beyond subtle.
This was a real AH stunt. The fact that she hasn't apologized tells me she definitely wants to mess up your wedding. Good for you for booting her out of the bridal party.
You might want to ask one of the bridesmaids to keep an eye on SIL at the wedding, and be prepared with a glass of red wine. I wouldn't put it past SIL to wear a lacy white dress. Have a wonderful wedding!
OP your SIL should give up the rights to her instagram for a gaff like that.