Woman dumps fiancé after discovering his loan applications, 'I thought I knew him!'
AITA for dumping my BF after finding out about his debt?
Wooden_Conclusion_40 writes:
Hi! F(28) here. I got engaged last year to my (now ex) boyfriend of more than 10 years. We never lived together, but I thought I knew him well.
It turns out he is in so much debt with the bank and has tons of cash loan applications. The reason? He is addicted to online gambling (casino plus, bingo plus, and more).
While I knew he played casino games online, I never thought he was addicted to the point of needing loans to fund his habit.
Is it wrong for me to immediately call off the wedding? For context, I come from a family where debt and gambling have always been problems, and I promised myself I want to avoid such situations.
My friends are telling me to try and fix things first, help him with his problems instead of leaving him.What do you guys think?
Here are the top comments:
sickBhagavan says:
Getting married would mean claiming his debts as your own. So that is a VERY important first step to do and you did great.
Now you need to think long and hard. If you don’t combine your assets, you will still have a partner that you cannot rely on and not only cover everything financially but evetually he will want you to help cover his debts as well.
Also how did you find out, by accident or did he admit it out of the blue? Because if he was trying to hide his debts until the wedding, you also have a partner you cannot trust. Don’t let him pull you into financial sink hole.
Ganesha_power says:
My father gambled away millions of dollars. He took loans out of the house so much that 6 years after his death, we are STILL finding out the damage he did to us. You will never fix him. You will live your entire life in debt and covering for him. Get out. Love does not conquer this addiction.
Agile-Wait-7571 says:
Run. You can’t fix him. And it’s not your responsibility anyway. It’s his. He will destroy you financially.
TransDaddy2000 says:
NTA (Not the A%^Hole). Your "friends" are basically telling you that it's YOUR job to "fix" him. You're not his therapist, you're not his mommy, and you shouldn't have to trigger any potential trauma you have by forcing yourself to try.
You've been with him for 10 years and just now found out how bad it was, that's a huge sign that behaviors will not get better. Take it from someone who grew up around addiction. You wouldn't want to marry this guy, take on his debts, and have potential kids with him that would grow up around it. It's not worth it.
CarpeCyprinidae says:
NTA, if a guy has got a relationship that's in a good place and considering marriage he has a duty to himself to call a halt to any behaviour that undermines his future.
He hasn't. Instead he's misled you about his character and his situation. the person you believed yourself to be with and the one you got are different people with different levels of responsibility. You owe nothing to the one you got. and he deserves no more of your time.
Appropriate-Mud-4450 says:
NTA. You better run or else he will and leave you with his debts that become yours in marriage without proper advice. He will disappear and you pay. And even with a pre nup you will always be the sole provider, because his money goes into funding his addiction.
Get a kid involved and you are in for a life on poverty at best. More likely poverty and as a single mom. Don't even think about staying.
What do you think? Should OP stay or should she go?