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Woman excludes 'attachment parenting' friend, insults her. 'I was aggressive.' AITA?

Woman excludes 'attachment parenting' friend, insults her. 'I was aggressive.' AITA?


"AITA for not inviting my 'attachment parenting' friend out & insulting her?"

For context, me and four friends all had babies around the same time (within about six months of each other) and the babies are all between 12-18 mo. My son is 14 mo and my "attachment parenting" friend's son is 18mo.

When we were all pregnant we decided we would not ever let being a mom take over our lives, we'd continue to hang out and have normal relationships, etc. Four of us have maintained that fact. We hang out regularly.

When her son was about six weeks old our friend devoted herself fully to attachment parenting. We all realized quickly that she was happy to be mom and only mom and we were excited for her. I tried it myself after hearing her talk about the bonds and things but it's just not for me. I enjoy having breaks and sleep training saved my sanity lol.

She is completely controlled by her son. We would invite her out initially but we were always met with a no - it was too late in the day, usually. We typically enjoy hanging out after bed time but her son can't cope without her so she can't attend. The day time ones we planned she couldn't attend because they aren't baby friendly and he won't settle.

Basically her son needs to be with her 24/7 and we do not want to escape our kids to hang out with hers so we recently, as a group, stopped inviting her out with us. She is obviously upset and is claiming we're not being understanding - shaming her for her parenting decisions.

Which I understand how we are, but on the other hand, it's not hard to understand that we want to spend time child free and that includes hers too. It all came to a head a few days ago when we were having one of our toddler play dates and the kids were all playing - I mentioned going out for drinks that night and she made a comment about wishing we'd plan these things earlier in the day for her.

I told her that we do it because we want it to be child free. She claimed we were purposefully excluding her. I told her that she only gets so upset over it because she's created a clingy monster of a toddler and can't escape him.

I was aggressive, and immediately apologized, but I'm tired of tiptoeing around her when she's created this situation herself. He won't die if she leaves him at home. She can come hang out if she wants; she just doesn't want to deal with a tantrum.

She got really upset, obviously, and ended up leaving early. Our other friends think we should start planning events so her son can just hang out too - obviously we miss spending time with her, but I don't think she should get to bring her son. It's not a mom evening if she's got a toddler screaming for the breast all evening. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

daniell321 said:

NTA. You made it clear that some of these outings are not baby-friendly, and yet she either doesn't want to respect that or has to have a scene about it. All of us has had a tantrum at some point when we were young. Not to mention every parent has to deal with it too. She's just dragging out the inevitable by refusing to come face to face with that fact.

C_Majuscula said:

NTA. Your hangouts have a condition - no kids. If she can't manage that, she's not invited. Maybe you could still hang out with her one-on-one but in a much more child-friendly atmosphere. Plus, I can only imagine how an attachment parented 18-month-old will behave in public, so you may be limited to outdoor or extremely child-friendly places.

No-Cranberry4396 said:

NTA. I'm saying that because you do have child friendly hang outs that she joins in with. It's just that you, as a group, also want child free hang outs, and she doesn't want to ever be child free.

deefop said:

NTA. I was leaning towards you being an asshole at first, because kids *should* be the highest priority in their parents lives. But what you're describing isn't really that. You're not aholes for wanting to have child free time. Every parent needs some time to see friends and recharge.

You were a little aggressive with how you talked to her about it, but I kind of get that too, because it sounds like this has been a topic of contention for a while at this point. Also, the fact that you guys *deliberately* get together for kids play dates that include your kids especially makes it not at all a big ask to have some child free time.

SOwED said:

NTA. Never heard of "attachment parenting" but it sounds like the perfect way to give your kid an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, which I can tell you from experience is not fun.

greyhounds4life1969 said:

NTA, she's creating a monster and some poor future partner will have to deal with the pair of them. She's trying to make her problem your problem.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these friends?

Sources: Reddit
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