Woman excludes friends from birthday celebration after they rescheduled around babysitters AGAIN. AITA?

"AITA for celebrating my birthday without my friends after they rescheduled around babysitters again?"

I've (26F) been part of this friend group since college. We're close and consistently hang out and have friend game nights. The kicker? I'm the only person in the group without kids. While it seems fair that they've been putting on more and more "adults only" events - fancy dinners, wine tastings, and events - great right?

Um...no. The adults only events are literally during times that I'm working my restaurant shifts (evenings/weekends) because those are the times their babysitters are available.

I've expressed multiple times that it would be great to have daytime events or meet during the week to do things since my schedule is very flexible during the day. They always say, "oh we'll try that for the next time," but it never happens.

Last month was the last straw. My birthday fell on a Sunday, and I asked them if we could do a celebration during the day since I was working that night, and they agreed. Then the day before my celebration the group chat exploded that they were actually now changing it to evening because "Sarah's babysitter cancelled but can do 7pm instead."

I was so done at that point. I made my own plans for my birthday with my coworkers who were able to show up and post pictures on social media having the best time at brunch and escaping an escape room.

Now my original friend group is hurt that I "didn't even tell them" we changed the plans. They are now calling me petty and that I should understand that finding childcare is hard, but I'm over being the only one who is expected to accommodate everyone else 100% of the time.

But I think my job counts as an adult responsibility too and I shouldn't have to miss my own birthday for their babysitter problems. AITA here?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Maleficent_Web_6034 said:

NTA - If Sarah's babysitter cancelled that means Sarah has to miss the event. It doesn't mean your birthday gets rescheduled around Sarah's needs. However your friends have made it clear that their bond of motherhood is a priority and you aren't in that club so I'd suggest just making friends with normal people who don't get knocked up young instead.

Candid-Career8377 said:

"Hey friends. Someone please explain to me how it makes sense that you rescheduled MY birthday because of SARAH'S conflict for a time that I couldn't make? When you do that, then I'll apologize for hurting your feelings by planning my birthday party with people who want to show up for me." Sounds like y'all have outgrown each other, and that's ok. Life happens. Good luck! NTA.

femmemalin said:

NTA I really don't understand your "friends'" logic. "We planned this outing because it's OP's birthday. Oops, sitter malfunction so let's reschedule to a time OP literally can't be there." And then they're mad you did something without them when you were free? ??? What the actual.

jackb6ii said:

NTA. Tell them "I wanted to celebrate my birthday with all of you and told you in advance that I could only do it Sunday during the day because I was working later that evening. Sarah could have asked her husband (or another family member) to take over watching the kids or stay home and then she and I could celebrate another time.

But instead you all went ahead and changed my birthday plans without consulting me. In effect YOU CANCELLED on me. I've have always accommodated everyone else's schedule but the one time that I asked for the same consideration you all failed me.

Why can't you get the fathers to ever watch your kids when a babysitter is not available? I feel like you all have little regard for me and our friendship because you make NO EFFORT to accommodate my schedule ever. Do you even want to still be friends with me? It's time you show me with actions and not just words."

calling_water said:

NTA, and WTF. They can’t reschedule your birthday celebration, and especially they can’t reschedule it for a time when you’re not available. As for the complaint that you didn’t tell them your plans had changed, they’re the ones who acted like they could change the plans on you!

You sticking to your original timing, even potentially with a change of activities, isn’t a “change." And once they had excluded you from the event, it’s none of their business what you decide to do.

JustheBean said:

NTA. If Sarah’s babysitter falls through she lets you know that’s she’s sorry and won’t be able to make it, or asks if rescheduling is a possibility. It doesn’t mean the whole events gets replanned to ensure Sarah can make it regardless of if that works for anyone else.

That being said, you and your friends are in different life stages and it might be better to let yourselves drift apart a little than to continue to let resentment build until it ruins the friendships entirely.

A lot of people do work during the day on week days, and if you don’t want them bringing toddlers/babies to the hangout, what are they supposed to do when they can’t get a sitter? Regardless of kids and sitters, social activity tends to happen most on evenings and weekends, it’s something non 9-5ers have had to deal with forever.

It’s not them actively doing anything to you. It sounds like you’re just on such different schedules that you’re both asking a lot of each other to make these hangouts work, and it sounds like it’s straining everyone.