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Woman denies 'insufferable' sister's request to change the time of her gender reveal so she can bring her baby.

Woman denies 'insufferable' sister's request to change the time of her gender reveal so she can bring her baby.


Woman refuses to change gender reveal for her sister's baby.

ManaSawson writes:

My husband and I struggled with infertility for years, experienced multiple miscarriages, and decided to pursue IVF. As we were going through our first round of IVF, my younger sister got pregnant.

Since she had her baby 4 months ago, she's been pretty insufferable. She sends 10 to 15 messages and videos every day to our family chat about her baby (the rest of the family usually just uses this chat to check on each other, so a couple of posts here and there). She also initiates random video calls throughout the day so we can see her baby.

There were also many messages and comments while she was pregnant and we were still struggling with fertility about how she gave the family the first granddaughter and the first baby in a while. I do love my niece; I ask about her every day, talk to her via video chat, and have sent gifts, but the nonstop attention-seeking really becomes overwhelming.

Well, I’m 21 weeks now, and we decided on an online Zoom gender reveal since we have family all across the country. We sent the date and time to our families.

She texted me to ask us to move it since it conflicts with her 4-month-old's sleep schedule, which would make it hard for her baby to attend. To be honest, I don’t want her baby there since I’m worried that she’ll make the entire call about her baby.

So, I told her that we couldn’t change the time and that she shouldn’t change her daughter’s sleep schedule for something that’ll only last a few minutes. My sister can still attend while the baby is sleeping. She now thinks I’m an a^#&ole. She won’t tell me that directly, but she’s complained to my other sister about it. AITA for what I said/did?

OP added some context:

I should note that my sister has a history of shifting the attention to herself a lot. For example, I rarely post to the family chat, but if I do, my husband and I have a running bet as to how long it’ll take her to ignore what I posted and spam the chat with unrelated pictures of herself.

My sister has a lot of wonderful qualities, and I love her, but her attention-seeking behavior really irks me, and I just want this 10 to 15-minute event to be about me, my husband, and our future baby.

Quick update about the gender reveal: the Zoom call will consist of the family choosing a blue or pink balloon to blow. If it’s not the sex of the baby, it deflates. We thought it would be a simple, mess-free way of making it a bit more interactive. Afterwards, we plan to write them a thank-you card with the baby’s name written in it.

Here are some of the top comments:

No_Glove_1575 says:

NTA (Not the A%^*ole) - your sister sounds like a narcissist. 10 bucks says she shows up with a fussy/crying 4 month old just to make a point. Zoom has some pretty good moderator controls - if she shows up and gets disruptive, mute her and continue on (pretend like you don’t know how it happened.

Ferretinthestars says:

I'm going with NTA because a 4 month old wouldn't care about missing an event. Also who the hell calls somebody multiple times a day just to talk about their baby? That's too much.

Acrobatic_Increase69 says:

NTA the child is 4 months old it doesn’t care!!! I’d mute her throughout if she tries anything or boot her from the zoom! This is 100% about you, your husband and your child. Congratulations!

obsoletelexicon says:

NTA. It's already inconsiderate to blow up a group chat that many times a day, but to do it with baby stuff when someone in the chat is struggling with fertility is tone-deaf at best (or cruel at worst).

To me, her trying to control the timing of your gender reveal and the resulting tantrum over her not getting her way (even though there was no reason why her baby needed to be present for it) could certainly be indicative that she was planning on attention-shifting, especially since it sounds like this is a pattern of behavior.

However, has anyone tried to speaking to her directly about this? There is a chance that she could be ignorant of the damage she's doing. In the words of Hanlon: "Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence." Be direct. She'll reveal herself one way or another.

_mmiggs says:

NTA. A four month old baby will not understand the zoom gender reveal. The baby will not miss out on anything, because the zoom meeting will be completely meaningless to the baby.

If it was in-person, then obviously baby comes too, but there's no problem with putting the baby down for a nap and then calling in to zoom.

Justsaying0000 says:

NTA. And congratulations! Something tells me this baby may end up being awake for the Zoom call. Brace yourself.

Maybe preview with your parents or other important family members to get their full attention, if it would really bum you out if she steals your thunder, because from what you depict, she probably will.

What do you think? Is OP right to not change the time of her gender reveal?

Sources: Reddit
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