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Woman finds SIL trying to nurse her baby; 'I'm calling the cops!' Family says; 'You NEED to forgive her NOW.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

Woman finds SIL trying to nurse her baby; 'I'm calling the cops!' Family says; 'You NEED to forgive her NOW.' AITA? UPDATED 2X


When this woman is shocked by her SIL's behavior, she asks the internet:

"I found my SIL trying to nurse my baby and everyone is taking her side. AITA?"

So for a bit of context my(27) brothers wife(28) has never been able to conceive and they have had problems with it for years, SIL and I used to get along good it was never great because for the majority of my brother and his wifes relationship I had been pregnant (they are technically knewly Weds)...

I had just found out after the wedding that me and my husband are pregnant with our first, we have always talked about having kids, but 2 months after the wedding when we announced that we were expecting, SIL was really excited and we were all happy.

Fast forward a few months SIL has been a huge help, she has been helping around the house bringing me stuff and such, we were really grateful for her, she also loved rubbing my belly but I thought that's what people liked to do it was until they started suggesting names that I got suspicious but whatever.

Fast forward again to the birth of the Baby so I finally had my baby and it had been two months my SIL loved to spend time with her, I get it she couldn't have children and I thought she was happy so, so I was...

one day my husband suggested that we go on a day since it had been months since we had and I agreed so we asked SIL to babysit and she happily agreed although halfway through our date my husband got called into work (he works at a job were he gets called in at random times so it's normal)...

he said goodbye and we went our separate way but when I arrived home I went to the nursey and saw SIL had her boob shoved down my child's throat I screamed and she quickly fixed herself I was livid I took my baby and told her...

to get out now everyone is spamming my phone telling me to forgive her since she couldn't be a mom it was the heat of the moment and my baby wouldn't stop crying but I am firm I never want her near my baby again what do i do i am so confused right now? i want to call the cops.

(Sorry if my grammar is bad English is not one of my first languages, and if your wondering were my husband stands he is somewhere in the middle he agrees it was wrong but apparently he understands where she is coming from).

(If something does happen I will update it will probably be on my page but I am hoping to sit down and have a discussion what we're are going to do moving forward maybe leave me baby with a trusted freind I'm not really sure I'm still trying to process this anyway thank you all for the support and advice).

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

artichoke7 writes:

You don't need your husband's permission to make a police report, and you always have the option not to press charges if she gets help after you've done this. I wouldn't count on your husband to participate in bringing consequences to his own sister. Just call the police. Don't even let him know you've done so until it's done.

matchadaily6 writes:

My son and my nephew are same age. When they were babies, my sil asked my mom to babsit they had to be somewhere. nephew didn’t take a bottle, he was exclusively bfed as was my child.

My mom called me saying he isn’t taking bottled milk; I had been lactating and bfeeding my son. Never in a million of years have I thought “oh let me come over and feed him” because even though there might have been a necessity of sort, It would be so odd and my sil would not appreciate that!

Luckily my sil came in quick and fed him. This situation, your sil is not even lactating! She needs counseling, I hope she gets it; infertility is so tough but your child is not her fix to “bfeed” the baby. I could never leave her alone with my child ever again.

environtmental7 writes:

Oops Sister In Law needs mental help, she has in her mind thinks of this baby as her own, it almost like a she thinks of oop as a surrogate. I had 2.5 years of miscarriages and trying and I sort mental support to help me deal with friends who had babies...

(I had more of a resentment issue) and i never got to any of this level of frankly said craziness. Oops sister should face consequences then maybe she will get the help everyone else seems to be in denial that is needed.

deeprigh1820 writes:

Tbh, OP are allowed to get child protection against SIL, because of that action!!! Who knows, how long she was hoping to get this chance?

Who knows, what else she will try to do to get contact to the child in the future? IT IS ABUSE and ASSAULT. 1) to withhold actual appropriate food, that was available, from the baby, 2) to abuse the trust of the parent regarding care giving, 3) to try to force an infant to feed from a strange body, 4) to try to have inappropriate body contact.

Let's just be honest and admit that multiple boundaries were overstepped here. It doesn't matter how much SIL wants to be a mother, this was unacceptable behavior and she has no right to try to fill a void with someone else's child WITHOUT CONSENT of the child's guardian!!!

Child care givers are mandatory reporters and we have to report things like this!!!! I'm sorry OP, but you may truly consider to get the law involved. Your SIL is mentally unstable and IF she ever reaches the point where it will be necessary, she may get violent to get a child!! I know you may not want to admit this could happen, but even fictional movies have some truth in them!!

Your SIL should have no physical or visual (like pictures) access to your child. She is desperate!!! Best wishes, and congrats on your baby.

pumpkinyuffe7 writes:

THERES NOTHING TO UNDERSTAND, those who say they understand and can see where she's coming from are just stupid, its sad she can't have kids but that's no fckng excuse to do this...

Your baby isn't a toy she can use to pretend she's a mom. You and your baby have no responsibility to calm her mommy urges, you owe her nothing. She assaulted your kid and I'm really sorry she went through this. How can someone say its not a big deal to do this to a vulnerable human?

Ask your family if SIL did the same to her friends kids or some stranger would it be ok? obviously not.

That's so wrong in so many levels, I can empathise with her wanting to be a mom but I could never be able to excuse nor forgive her actions like your family is doing. They all are wrong and I can't believe no one is understanding why this is so fckd up.

Sadly your relationship with your bro might not be the same but don't let them near your baby.

oddveg6 writes:

I don't understand how you physically kept your cool. I would be cutting people off left and right EVER daring what your SIL did was appropriate or okay to EVER do. That is disgusting, not the act of b-feeding but her violating you and your child in such a way to satisfy her greedy wants and needs.

What if she were on meds and actually managed to lactate?? I'm glad you caught her, it seems she's been doing it quite a bit to be so comfortable to be caught in such a way, so she might HAVE been getting close to forcing her body to lactate. Who knows, all we know is that you stopped her in time.

I would never allow her in my home again or NEAR the child. Be careful bringing the baby over to the grandparents. They'll just have her over when you're gone and they are babysitting.

Block the flying monkeys here, they will tear your sanity apart. Hubby I feel should have a better stance on this. What his sister did was mega wrong and fd up. I'm glad he's already opposed to it and her for it but he could show a little spine.

pretendxox7 writes:

Your husband and brother will likely make excuses for your SIL but what she’s done is a total invasion of your baby’s boundaries and she’s only a baby who can’t speak up for herself that’s why babies rely on their parents so she needs you to speak up and enforce her boundaries so don’t doubt your actions for one moment!

SIL was acting out her fantasy while using your baby and she needs serious help without you or your baby ever having contact with her again since she has betrayed your years of friendship. She violated and disrespected your baby. There should never be an opportunity for her to come back to you and your baby after this.

fiaround7 writes:

File a report with the police. Even if they don't arrest her, it'll be on record, they'll probably involve mental health professionals and it'll put more barriers between her and your baby, alert people in the family to how serious you're taking this and set the record straight if she lied about what happened.

Family always seems to sing a different tune when they realize something is serious and that you're treating it like it is. I feel like them wanting you to forgive her is underplaying just how bad her behaviour really is.

This is not her child. She's not a blood relative, not that that makes it better. If a stranger at a hospital or a daycare centre did this, they'd be locked up in a mental institution. Her being married into the family shouldn't exempt her from this, what she did was borderline psychotic. Family loves to bury things like this; don't let them.

ninja6 writes:

I would never leave that baby alone with sil ever again because when people can't get pregnant or have children they go bonkers, batshit nuts and they would do anything to get their hands on a baby depending on their level of crazy or wanting a child.

I would also set up cameras and all the people who are defending sil drop them and don't leave the baby with them because they'll call the sil right over to their house and there she is with your baby doing God knows who knows what.

And if I was you op, I would screenshot all the helpful advice that everything that all of us give you and send it to all the flying monkeys saying oh sil did nothing wrong with the baby...

and I'll be like yeah right how would you feel if she did this to your child or you come home and see her with your baby on her booby trying to bfeed your baby.

I would like to see all their responses to all these questions that you fire at them and they'll be like oh yeah,sure we'll let her do this and that. I mean like okay bet let's see how you handle the fact that she wants to be a mother to their own kids when in fact they are the parents and you are a parent.

Nobody likes a third parent in a child's life, only if the fact that the sil was the child's mother and you are the Stepmom and since sil is newly married to Bil an since this baby came out of op and made with hubs, sil has ZERO PARENTING RIGHTS to the baby so it's not hers to raise.

There are some hair-raising scares about crazy in laws dealing with new babies and good grief it makes you appreciative about the inlaws that are sane you do have.

saymroe7 writes:

She’s obviously having a fantasy about being the child’s mother. But because she went from fantasizing it to acting in an inappropriate way, she definitely needs some mental health care.

She’s probably not a terrible person, or even a predator, but it shows the gravity of where her mental state is. She could become dangerous if her mental health isn’t addressed and she becomes obsessed or struggles with her fantasy longer.

I’ve often found that asking the simple question of how the person would feel if they were in your shoes helps get a better response. Asking your family that is sticking up for her how they would feel if their infant was being “breastfed” by a non-lactating woman, without consent, secretively.

The reality is she could/should have called you to tell you your baby was very upset and she wasn’t able to settle them but she chose not to, acted inappropriately and now you have to question whether she had the wherewithal to make appropriate actions going forward.

And where does her “excuses” end? Your family may see it as a singular event but should you guys not address it and she not get the help she needs, there could be further inappropriate actions that push your boundaries.

howcanyoupassmethe writes:

OP- show her no mercy. Make sure she knows that for the rest of her life, this will always follow her. Make sure she feels as ashamed as possible- total humiliation is the least she deserves.

Make as big a deal of this as possible- consider your feelings but DO NOT consider hers, at all, she isn’t even human. Maybe never was. Make sure she knows that you know.

Hopefully the shame will make her do the right thing and she will leave this world ASAP, so that you can your baby can be safe from the endless terror ….of a motherless child who made a terrible mistake in a moment of emotional despondence.

Above all else DO NOT let her apologize- she deserves to live in shame until the day she dies. It’s totally valid that you have no sympathy whatsoever. What a monster.

anonymous7 writes:

Slightly going against the grain here.. I can empathize with SIL. She can't have children, and to her it must be utterly heartbreaking. Getting to be there for you and see your child grow must be a terribly bittersweet experience for her.

Being alone, she felt sneaky/comfortable enough to 'act' the part of a mother - to have that tiny bundle of joy in her arms, to experience what she never will.

But all that empathy still doesn't mean what she did was right. Those are thoughts you can have but should never act on. Yes, it's sad, but it's not her baby. Never, ever, should she have broken that trust. I don't think what she did was se%ual in any way, but it's still wildly inappropriate as she isn't/cannot assist in a wet nurse role.

SIL was definitely caught with her proverbial pants down, and she knew it. I don't believe she has delusions of being the baby's real/rightful mother or anything, though. It's up to you to forgive her.

Personally, I think she's learned her lesson, but could use some time away from the kid anyway. When the baby is moved on to solid foods, it could be an opportunity to allow her back if you're comfortable bringing her back into the child's life.

And now OP's first update:

FYI. My SIL has been pregnant but has lost the baby numerous times I'm not sure why she thought she could nurse.

This may not have even been the first time. I'm mad just thinking that she has been doing this behind my back because I have been at my MIL house and it could have happened because my brother and his wife are over there a lot of there time.

I told my brother his wife needs to get help because it is not okay especially when not only she is saying that but my husbands family and such are telling me to forgive her because she can't have children and she promised to never do it again but I'm not buying it.

OP's 2nd update:

So I would like to keep this brief, but I thought I would update everyone. So I talked to my husband about this whole situation and I told him that his sister needs help, I also told him I wanted to take this to the police but he isn't opened to the idea although I'm really considering it...

for the moment me and my baby have decided to stay with my grandma, I really just need time for myself and my baby I am getting my husband to set up cameras while I'm away, all of this is really overwhelming.

I forgot to mention but my SIL found my post and now she is blowing up my phone and my close friends on social media, I am going to sit down and talk with them tonight we have arranged to have dinner...

and I am leaving my baby with a trusted friend who has kids of her own, I hope that they understand where I'm coming from when I tell them that she needs to get help or I am going to the police.

I was reading the comments on my post and I want to thank you all for the support, someone told me to watch 'the hand that rocks the cradle' and I watched it and it was really like my situation and I also really enjoyed it...

some people think that this isn't real I really wish it wasn't I truly do but this is pretty much that's happened right now my daughter is napping and I just need some time to think, my grandma is a huge blessing, I will update if anything important happens.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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