Woman flips out on SIL for using her mom's death as the moment to announce pregnancy.

My sister used her pregnancy to steal attention from my mother's death.

Abbs_throwaway writes:

About a week ago, I (24 F), my brother Jack (26 M), my dad, and some other close family members went on a trip to Tunisia, where my mother, who died in a car accident about two years ago, was from to discover a little more about her life and our ancestors. On this trip, my brother decided to bring his wife, Julie (26 F), and I got my husband.

Until now, I had no issues with Julie as I don't know her very well (she and my brother met and got married during COVID and live quite far so I had only seen her two or three times before this trip). So, the incident occurred on the second to last day of the trip when we all went out to dinner.

It is important to note that this whole trip was to remember and celebrate my mother (she died around the beginning of COVID where I live, so we didn't get a proper funeral for her), and the day we went out to dinner was her birthday. At the beginning of the feast, my dad gave a short speech, basically thanking everyone for coming and honoring my mother's life.

Before he even got the chance to sit down, Julie stood up and announced that she and Jack were expecting a baby. The entire table went silent, with only a few quiet congratulations. Instead of reading the room and sitting back down, Julie ran up to me with a big obnoxious grin and asked me if I was excited to be an auntie.

I stayed silent, trying not to ruin what was left of this trainwreck of a dinner, and she said she was trying to lighten the mood with some good news. This is when I cracked and yelled at her that she wasn't trying to benefit anyone but herself and was a selfish attention wh%re.

I walked out, followed by my husband and then my dad. From what I gather, the dinner was pretty much ruined after that, and the whole family had left before they ordered any food.

Now, I understand that she could have seen it as a good opportunity as the entire family was together. Still, after talking with my brother, I discovered they had known for a month before the trip, so they could quickly have announced it.

My dad is staying neutral on this, and my brother is angry at me for 'embarrassing' his wife but understands my point of view. Some family members and Julie's mom are now calling me a b*tch over text for ruining an essential moment for her. So, am I the a$%hole?

Here are some of the top comments from the post.

Straight-Example9126 says:

Was Julie aware that this trip would be a memorial for your mother? If she was very well aware, you showed her the mirror.

There is a time and place for everything. She could've announced before or after the trip, too. Say on the way home. Everyone has gathered, so it's easier, but as a 26-year-old. I expect more maturity announcements didn't make people jump in joy and excitement.

So obviously, everyone wasn't looking for something to lighten the mood. I am glad your brother understands, but what else did Julie expect after announcing pregnancy during the memorial dinner?

Cursd818 says:

NTA. Your mother died during the lockdowns. This was the first chance your whole family had to come together and mourn. It was a memorial. Your father had barely finished a speech memorializing his wife - practically a eulogy - and your SIL immediately leaped up.

At the very least, she is utterly inept at reading social cues. I can't understand what possible part of her thought this was the perfect time to announce a pregnancy. At worst, she is what you said: selfish and desperate for attention.

You don't owe her an apology. You were quiet until she targeted you specifically with demands of excitement. She precipitated every part of this interaction, and the fact that it backfired spectacularly is on her, not you.

She ruined your mother's memorial. She owes you an apology. Tell your brother exactly that, and warn him that his in-laws are bullying you for shutting down her disgraceful behavior. Their callous attitude doesn't bode well for his future.

Direct-Pipe6802 says:

No, you didn’t get a funeral for your mom. This was it. All the family was there to remember her and to love her. You don’t go to someone’s funeral and, right in the middle, stand up and say you're pregnant. It isn't nice.

She wasn’t considerate of everyone. She wanted the attention. Now, that grieving that everyone was trying to do is ruined.

What do you think? Was OP right to yell at her SIL, or was it fair to announce the pregnancy at her mom's memorial?