'AITA for 'making' my 17yo miss her therapy appointment to clean her closet?'
"AITA for 'making' my 17yo miss her therapy appointment to clean her closet?"
My daughter's (17) closet is an absolute pigsty; you can't even see the floor. It's nearly knee-deep in stuff. I have been after her to clean it up for WEEKS, and she keeps saying, 'I'll do it later.' I had ENOUGH and told her she could not go out with friends or her boyfriend until her closet was clean.
Unfortunately, that week she had work and prior commitments at school, so she only had one free afternoon when she was going to see her therapist (she is in therapy for depression and anxiety). She also was going to go with her boyfriend's family on a day trip that following weekend.
I figured missing that would finally get through to her to get it done after several weeks of constantly putting it off. Instead, she canceled her therapy appointment (as it was her only free afternoon) because she didn't want to miss going with her boyfriend this weekend.
Her therapist said I was wrong to do this because she needed her therapy and this was a 'dumb hill to die on' I told her she's been putting this off for weeks and won't listen, and I don't know how else to get through to her. I refuse to live like a slob! AITA?
EDIT: I didn't tell her "cancel therapy to clean your closet" I said "if you want to go out with your boyfriend or anyone this week closet needs to be clean before then." I told her how she budgets her time is up to her, just get it done. She chose to cancel the appointment to get it done.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
whateverworks1470 says:
YTA (You're the A**hole) - have you considered the depression and anxiety that are getting in her way of cleaning it? Have you offered a strategy to work together or small steps to the big goal of full cleaning?
othersatan says:
NTA> She chose to cancel her therapy appointment over missing time with her boyfriend over the weekend; let me repeat, she decided to cancel her therapy appointment over missing a weekend with her boyfriend to clean her closet. She could’ve still attended therapy, but instead, she canceled her therapy appointment.
OP did not tell her to cancel her therapy appointment over the dirty closet; OP told her daughter that she couldn’t go out with friends or boyfriend until the closet is cleaned, which, as a teenager myself, IS COMPLETELY REASONABLE if the closet is messy like OP states it is.
It shouldn’t be a whole day affair— if her daughter put her mind to it and cleaned her closet, it would probably be done in an hour, maybe three. The daughter made her choice but is blaming her mother.
tatersprout says:
YTA. Therapy shouldn't have been canceled. Why don't you set aside time to help her organize her closet? It may be too overwhelming for her to tackle on her own.
AbbreviationsOk7954 says:
I don’t understand why people are saying Y-T-A when the daughter made her OWN decision to cancel therapy. OP didn’t make her cancel therapy she decided that doing on a trip with her boyfriend was more valuable than therapy. Plus OP has offered to help her daughter clean the closet and has gotten turned down. NTA.
IzBlueGirl says:
YTA! You do realize that disorganization/messiness (or in your word, 'slob') is one of the many symptoms of depression? Since her closet (why are you worried about her closet?) is still messy, she is likely still in a depressive state and NEEDS to go to therapy. Talk about putting your needs above your kids - and your need is apparently a clean closet that is in her own personal space.