Woman freaks when husband wants his mom to stay with them for MULTIPLE weeks. AITA?

"AITAH - My husband wants his mom to stay with us multiple weeks, without return flight home?"

My husband M(28) and I F(25) are newly weds as of this year. We have been together for 5 years and since the beginning, we have had MAJOR in-law issues.

My hubs wants his mom stay with us with no return flight home. It started with him saying two weeks but now he wants a month. This unending return flight home is driving me crazy.

I work from home. Im home M-F, all day. More so this last month since I have an injury that has kept me stuck in bed most of the time and using crutches. October is the busiest month for us with holidays and birthdays.

So in addition to these two things, i have been going crazy having to also host and be with MIL 24/7 (she doesn’t go anywhere except sometimes a walk). My hubs is gone all day every day. Hes goes to work, then gym, then comes home to his office and continues to work.

He claims he just wants her around but they dont do anything together. Since I have been off crutches the last week and I feel bad she doesnt do anything, i have been the one taking her out to shop or ask if she wants food, ect. Im exhausted and really need space.

I have my own office to work but its by the guest room shes in so I just dont want to leave my room and have been working from bed. I usually work out in the kitchen, and move around the house and soak up all my alone time. But its been squashed since shes here now too, all day. I dont want to mingle constantly or hang out.

I feel like a ticking bomb and dont want to blow up at her. She is either very quiet or has a lesson to give. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting her here on an unending time frame?

My husband continues to fight me because he says its not fair that i have my family that lives near by, but his cant stay with us. I have tried to tell him, i want her to visit but i need time frames and need it to not be this long of time period in a row.

I have offered maybe she gets a hotel, maybe she stays with us a week then stays with his sister a week and so on. I have tried offering many solutions but he wont get past the fact that I wont let her stay how ever long he wants.

I get physically sick from anxiety of her being here 24/7. I cant even fully focus on my work. I stayed a night with my parents but that upset him, because he says i need to put a smile on and be with her here, but wont let me have any moment to recharge.

We have non stop fought over this and other in law issues, that have made me feel invalid and second best to his family. I have feared and still fear that him fighting me so harshly for his family will end our future together.

Let's see what readers had to say:

tariqish writes:

NTA, and you have a husband issue, not a MIL issue. If you can't work out some reasonable solution here, it's time to consider cutting your losses and leaving, especially before you have children.

Your husband has showed you that you are 2nd to his mom, and that you are likely to continue to be so. When you have children, then he's going to want her living with you "to help out".

Of course, that really means that she is going to be in charge. You are merely the help that does the chores as assigned and pops out children; you won't have much actual input into the care and raising of those children after they are born, because of course MOM IS IN CHARGE.

You need to do two things: Go see a divorce lawyer. Even if you aren't ready to pull that trigger yet, you need advice as to the options available to you and likely outcomes; and

Go back to your parents for a few nights. Let him be upset, maybe that will get his attention.

This is a hill to die on. If this can't be resolved (and mom moves OUT and doesn't come back to visit until you have an agreement as to when and the parameters of the visit AND she has a return ticket) your relationship is either over or you are destined to be 2nd for the rest of your life. Is that what you want?

lyzab writes:

NTA. when your husband is out, change the offices : his in the guest room with his mother, and yours in his. That way, you can work in peace. If he is not ok when he comes back, remind him she is HIS mother and that HE needs to spend time with her, not you.

He goes to the gym : bring his mother there. She'll "support" him at the gym. He needs to spend time with his mother.

If he complains, ask him when "mummy" goes back home. HER home. Because you need YOUR space.

stop talking to MIL. If she asks for something, tell her where things are. Or call her son at work / gym and tell him his mother has something to ask him.

If he complains. Take your bag, go back to your parents home. Involved them if necessary to talk to your husband.

IF he still asks you to take care of his mother, talk to a lawyer.

Your MIL is a little problem : she should feel she is too much in your marriage. But your husband is a baby boy who can't take responsabilities with his mother. The proof : he escapes as much as he can to avoid spending time with her ! If he was so happy to have his mother, he would stop gym to be with her.

Your buggest problem is him. You have to confront him and soon. Good luck.

narrowcook5 writes:

NTA you have a husband problem! You need to leave for a few days before you explode. If he wants to have his Mom time, excellent, he can have it privately. Your husband is being unreasonable and not making any accommodations.

He doesn’t get to dictate everything in your home, you’re supposed to be a team and his failure to listen is hurting you. Letting her stay for 2 full weeks is more than reasonable especially if he hasn’t taken time off or made an effort to entertain her. You need to set boundaries with the in-laws and figure this out before you have children.

niteowl writes:

NTA but have you been communicating to your husband and/or your MIL? 1) have you communicated the anxiety and stress you are feeling and not just “hey I don’t want your mom to stay at our house for a month” since your husband might hear “I don’t like your mom” even if that’s not what you’re saying 2) Have you reached out to your mother in law?

Also did none of the in law issues occur when you were dating for 4 years before marriage? Or were u willing to put up with it before marriage but not after? Also is there a cultural difference, sounds like there might be.

I ask this because this happened with my little brother and his wife. She was the sweetest girlfriend and even lived with my older sister. We all loved her and supported their relationship. However when they got married she distanced herself.

Didn’t want my parents to come visit after they had their first baby. Cut off communication with us. My parents are Asian and can be very involved so I understand that might be culturally challenging. But this was not news.

Wife put her foot down and said she wants NO contact with our family (we also live in different state). We have respected that but my parents are heart broken because my brother chose his wife and is estranged from the family.

I wish the wife would have spoken up bc we were blindsided. I wish she was more emotionally resilient and try to work it out.

Don’t suffer and then give ultimatum “ME or Your Family”. If you love your husband you should try to make it work. And if your husband loves you he should also try to work with you. Talk it out and compromise. Relationships are hard!

floundaaaa writes:

YTA - these issues have been around. why did you think marrying a man, who's already married to his mommy, was a good idea??? bffr, this isn't the first issue to arise and it won't be the last. quickly decide how far down the list of priorities you want to be.