Woman gets the 'ick' because BF doesn't want to pay more groceries, 'he's moving in rent-free.' AITA?

"AITA for getting the ick because my boyfriend doesn’t want to pay more for groceries even though he’s moving into my apartment rent-free?"

So me (30F) and my boyfriend (34M) are about to move in together—to my place. I own the apartment, so obviously he won’t be paying rent. We agreed he’d cover the building maintenance, utilities, WiFi, and light. He also said he’d cover the annual property taxes.

I told him I’d take full responsibility for all the cat-related expenses—food, litter, vet stuff, etc.—since I have 3 cats (greedy little monsters) and he has 1 that he’s bringing with him. Then came the conversation about groceries. And here’s where it started spiraling. I told him I thought it made sense for it to be a 70/30 split—he pays more.

He asked, “Who’s the 70?” I said, “You.” He was like “Why not 50/50?” I said, “Because you eat like 3x more than me.” (True.) He didn’t love that answer and started pulling the “partnerships should be 50/50” card. I told him 60/40 was the lowest I’d go. He kind of left it there…but later started making snarky comments like:

“Honestly, I only eat dinner here anyway… so you’re only going to be paying for cat stuff?” Cue: internal ick. Like. You’re living here RENT-FREE, in a clean, comfy, fully-furnished home I maintain myself. I’m here most of the time, so the space is always stocked, cleaned, cozy—and I’m offering all of that to you with love.

And yeah, I’ll admit it ,I like a man who provides. Or at least contributes more when he’s stepping into my space. And while he does make a bit more than me, it’s not some huge gap. I don’t expect full-provider status, but…more than me would be nice.

Now I can’t stop wondering if I’m signing up to live with a roommate or a boyfriend. The vibe has shifted. And I kind of hate that it did. So…AITA for getting the ick over his comments and not wanting a 50/50 situation?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

dncrmom said:

NTA offer him 50/50 on the groceries & he pays you market value rent.

bl0oc said:

This is reasonable, everything else sounds like 2 lil leprechauns trying to split their gold.

throwaway-rayray said:

Kind of sounds like you guys would be better off splitting everything 50/50 so there’s no grey areas.

Ok-Search4274 said:

ESH. Stop chopping up responsibilities. Establish a household, determine a budget, contribute to the pot of $$ needed, pay bills from the pot. If BF fails to contribute on time, get a new BF. This is an important test of attitude.

tastygluecakes said:

ESH. This is annoying and petty. How far off are you from “I don’t need TP when I pee, so you should pay more." Just split it ALL 50/50. Either do the math every month to add up expenses, or get a joint bank account where you each deposit 1 months estimated costs (plus a buffer), and get debit cards.

kissedbyfiya said:

YTA. Ultimately it doesn't really matter if he would he paying rent somewhere else... you are moving in together and presumably are working toward a future together. He is covering all of the living expenses aside from the groceries, and offering to go 50/50 on groceries as well. You are covering the cost of cats that you own 3/4 of.

If you are looking for a relationship where your partner is the provider and you are a stay at home wife or whatever, then you need to communicate that with him so he can make a decision on whether that is the life he wants too. Otherwise, as it stands right now, I would see a 50/50 grocery split completely reasonable and the best way to not start keeping score in the relationship...

Beginning-Invite7166 said:

Unpopular opinion warning. If you're dating and at the point of moving in together, the next step is marriage. That means merging financially. If you guys can't handle this, then you probably should just split now.