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Woman gets restraining order against MIL; 'The engagement ring, the fake dating accounts, the hunger strike. I'm DONE.' AITA? UPDATED 4X

Woman gets restraining order against MIL; 'The engagement ring, the fake dating accounts, the hunger strike. I'm DONE.' AITA? UPDATED 4X


When this woman is upset with her MIL, she asks the internet:

"My entitled MIL ruined my family heirloom engagement ring. I want to cut her out of my life. AITA?"

I (30F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for 8 months now. For the first few months everything was amazing. He is the sweetest and most caring man I have ever been with.

He likes to surprise me with fun dates and flowers for no apparent reason. The biggest surprise of all though was when I met his mother.

I met his parents for the first time a few months ago. The first thing FMIL said to me when I walked in the door was "are you Jewish?". I am not and I am not particularly religious, but I was raised Catholic.

Once I told her this it was the beginning of the madness. She immediately stopped talking to me and acted as if I didn't exist.

I was extremely nervous about meeting my boyfriend's parents, so this broke my heart. I was determined to make a good impression, so I kept trying to connect with her. This was a huge mistake and I should have just let it go.

Once we were all seated for dinner, she finally decided to try and make conversation. I have naturally red hair and she asked me if my parents have the same color. I told that I have the same hair as my mother.

She than had the audacity to ask me "does the carpet match the drapes?". I had no idea how to respond and just sat there stunned. Seeing my reaction, she said "don't worry I will just ask my son about it later". I looked over at my boyfriend who seemed equally as shocked, but he didn't say anything.

She then started to go on about my hair being "too curly". She told me that I really need to learn how to run a brush through my hair and think about my appearance more when I am out with her son.

Then when I didn't eat much at dinner, she gave me her version of a complement. I was told it was good that I am watching what I eat because it would be a shame if I got any bigger.

This was just my first meeting with this woman. As soon as I got into my car I burst into tears until I got home. My boyfriend was texting me and apologizing for his mother's behavior, but the damage was done, and I told him I needed time to think.

He went into apology overload after this and started sending flowers to my office every day and leaving me messages begging me to talk to him. I finally agreed and we went out to dinner.

He told me he spoke with his mother about her inappropriate comments and he swore it would never happen again. With this reassurance I decided to give it another chance.

Fast forward two weeks to when he invited me to come to a family birthday party. This time I would also be meeting his sisters and grandparents. His grandparents and sisters are awesome people.

They asked me normal questions about my job, family and friends. His mother seemed to be avoiding me throughout the evening and honestly, I was okay with that.

I went to grab something from my purse and noticed that it was not where I left it. I looked everywhere but I could not find it. I went and asked my boyfriend and he began to help me look.

He than got a strange look on his face and he quickly went upstairs. I could than hear a lot of yelling begin upstairs. He came back down holding my purse after a few minutes and told me that we were leaving.

Once we got in the car, I asked him what was going on. His mother had taken my purse so that she could see my drivers license. She intended to try and run a background check on me. He told me she had told him this earlier but honestly had thought she was joking.

I thought that it was best if I avoided any of his family functions for the time being. This worked out great for a while and he went to any of his family parties alone. He would ask me each time before leaving if I was sure that I didn't want to go but I always declined.

Last week his family had their family reunion and he asked me to please come with him. I was very reluctant but considering there would be so many people present, I didn't think she would pull anything.

When we got there, everything was going great. I met his extended family and got to catch up with his sisters. His mother did seem to be shooting me death glares all night, but I brushed it off.

Soon she came over and joined a table I was seated at with his sisters and some cousins. The conversation was pleasant as we were talking about his sisters' children.

His sister has a daughter who is twelve and is the same age as my niece. I than showed his sister a picture of my niece on my phone. His mother took a look at the screen and began to laugh. She told me she hopes that if me and her son ever have children that they don't look like my niece.

My niece is beautiful by the way and she is only twelve years old. What kind of monster attacks a twelve-year-old child's appearance? This was my breaking point and I went off like a volcano.

I started to scream at her and told her she is the most evil person I have ever had to disadvantage to meet. I told her is I ever did have children with her son she can be certain she will never meet them because hell is to far to travel too. I am not 100% certain exactly everything that I said but from what his younger sister later said, "it was epic".

She began to play the victim and wailed that I had just misunderstood her joke. My boyfriend came rushing over at this point and she threw herself into his arms telling him I am a horrible woman and he needed to throw me out right now.

He told her that wasn't going to happen and to stop making a fool of herself. She seemed to accept this for a moment and sat back down. She just kept sobbing that I just didn't understand how to take a joke.

Then something in her snapped as she noticed something that my boyfriend was holding in his hand and began to have another meltdown. I didn't understand what was happening at this point and just stood there watching a grown woman pitch a fit like a toddler.

None of what she was saying made any sense to me as it was mostly just incoherent screaming, but I did pick up on many derogatory comments directed my way.

My boyfriend than told me we were leaving and told me to grab my things. As I started to get ready FMIL made a lunge for my boyfriend's hand and grabbed the small box he was holding.

She than looked me dead in the eyes and said, "you will never have this ring you little b&h". She ran outside and threw the box down a storm drain.

Turns out that my boyfriend was intending on proposing to me. He had just obtained his grandmothers ring while we were at the reunion.

His grandmother is completely heartbroken because now her ring is down a storm drain instead of continuing on in the family as she had always wanted.

I don't know where to go from here. I am devastated, confused and exhausted. Can I ask him to never see his mother again? Is that my place to say something like that? I am sorry that my story is so long, but I really needed get this rant off my chest.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

grant writes:

The ring can be retrieved. Contact the city department of public works and let them know what happened. There may be a cost associated, but unless there's been a big storm since it happened, they can get it back.

This also gives you very solid records of this event. You may also want to file a police report to have further documentation of what happened. To get a police report, you do not have to file charges. They're useful for civil as well as criminal cases, and the police are used to such requests.

Acknowledge you're dealing with crazy and will never fully be able to predict her actions or avoid all contact unless you enter witness protection.

Think long and hard about if you can handle having this woman in your life for the next however many years she lives. She's unlikely to improve.

She may escalate. It's absolutely heart wrenching to dump a great guy because his family is batshit crazy, but I've done it and never regretted marrying my dear husband with the sane family instead.

That's not to say it can't work. Should you decide he's worth staying with and trying to manage the situation, hold off on getting married until the two of you figure out and implement boundaries that you both are comfortable maintaining forever.

That includes thinking through what you'll do if she gets sick, has some other very dramatic situation, or you have kids. Make sure those boundaries are working for at least a year (all the holidays) before moving forward.

Divorce is expensive and traumatic. It also feels like failure. Don't get married until you figure out how to make all the relationships work -- that includes with both families.

Look into the grandparents rights laws in your area. If they seem like they would be problematic for you, move somewhere with more advantageous laws to your needs or think very hard about the pros/cons of having kids.

Possibly consult a lawyer in advance. Most initial consults are free, and you'd probably need to draw up a will and instructions for what to do with any kids in case of your death anyway.

Gruesome to consider now, but anybody can be hit by a bus. This sort of person is extremely likely to feel entitled to "her" grandchildren and abuse the legal system.

Document all her bad behavior any way you can. That includes keeping a log of dates/times/witnesses of her bad behaviors, voicemails, emails, texts, letters, boxes of poo mailed to you, anything and everything.

If she tries to use the legal system or child protective services against you, that's evidence she has a long-standing grudge against you and all that tasty evidence will undermine her case.

Video cameras can also help you here if she's the sort to come by your home. Check your local laws again to see what's allowed where you are, but most places it's fine so long as you put up a notice. Video is especially tasty evidence.

This may all sound dramatic given she hasn't done much beyond have tantrums and toss a ring, but that's a yet. There are lots of red flags here.

She's not going to turn into sunshine and rainbows as soon as you get married/have kids/whatever other milestone you can think of.

Good luck! I hope all of this works out for you in the best possible way it can.

Update 1:

I have been getting a lot of messages asking for an update on the ring situation. Unfortunately, it could not be found. The city came out to try and assist but they could not uncover anything.

My fiancé and his family were devastated by this and many of them have ceased communication with FMIL because of this. The ring had high significance in the family, more than I understood at the time of writing my first post. This was literally the straw that broke the camels back for many of the family members.

His sisters have chosen to keep contact with FMIL and one of them told me that she is playing the victim card.

That she is saying she had a mental break and we all need to be more compassionate and understanding of her. I call this total crap and I know she knew exactly what she was doing when she threw the ring down the storm drain.

I have a theory that the ring never went down the drain to begin with. I think that maybe she hid the ring somewhere on herself and threw the box down the drain.

I have no way to prove this, but I have expressed this concern to my fiancé and his family. It's a rather large house though and could be hidden anywhere. I don't think the ring will be found anytime soon if this was what happened.

On a happier note, I am now engaged to my fiancé. My engagement ring does not have the same sentimental value as the other ring, but I love my new ring just the same. I am very happy to be engaged and I cannot wait to spend my life with my fiancé.

My fiancé is on low contact now with his mother, but word has reached her that we are engaged. After she found out she apparently refused to leave her room for three days. She refused to speak to anyone or eat any food. A literal hunger strike. The drama of this woman is unbelievable to me.

Soon after I was told about her "condition" I started receiving a lot of strange emails and phone calls. I started getting phone calls from strange men asking me to perform a variety of different intimate acts for them.

Obviously, I was modified by this and immediately changed my phone number. I told my fiancé what had happened, and he thinks that someone must be giving out my number to men they meet by mistake.

I didn't believe that, so I did a google search of my phone number and found a few craigslist ads written about me. The descriptions are just too similar to my appearance, they even mention my red hair. I truly believe this is FMIL doing this. She knows how to post on craigslist as she sells a lot of used things online.

I have also mysteriously been signed up for a variety of different dating sites and porn sites. If this is FMIL than I just don't know when she is going to stop. This is low level to drop to and I cannot believe how pitiful this woman is.

I showed this all to my fiancé and told him about my suspicions. He doesn't think his mother has the tech savvy to be able to pull this off. Then what he said next chilled me to my bones as I thought his older sister liked me.

He said his older sister had mentioned that to maintain a healthy relationship you should be checking your partners phone daily. She proceeded to tell him there should be no secrets and I shouldn't have a problem showing him my phone when he got home.

I was going to ask his sisters to be in my bridal party and now I don't even know where I stand with them. Do they hate me too? What in the hell did I do to deserve this? I truly don't know who I can trust anymore. I have decided to limit what I tell them going forward as I currently think they are FMIL's spies.

For now, I am going to try and enjoy my engagement and put this all out of my head. I guess I will just wait and see what happens with his family.

Update 2:

I have a been getting messages asking for an update on my situation with my FMIL so I thought I'd make a quick post on what happened most recently.

My fiancé went no contact with her after everything that happened. This lasted all about a week before she showed up banging at our door. My fiancé was at work and I was alone at home at the time. She was wailing that she was sorry and just wanted to see me to apologize.

Since I have neighbors who were beginning to watch this spectacle, I let her inside to talk. At first, she was very apologetic and said she just wants to have a fresh start. She was pretty convincing, and I was actually considering just letting it all go.

That's when she saw my Christmas tree and all hell broke loose yet again. She began to scream that I was trying to convert her son to Christianity and that I was just a little whore who was trying to ruin her family. I kindly asked her to please leave and that she was not welcome here but she was not budging.

She told me that no son of hers would every celebrate Christmas and proceeded to run towards the tree. She began tearing off every ornament and throwing them leaving them smashed on the floor. I have many childhood and family ornaments on my tree that are very precious to me. Several were smashed in her rampage.

I had to grab her and physically drag her away. This ended with her punching me several times and biting me on my hand. I finally was able to throw her out the front door and grabbed my phone to call the police. She proceeded to scream like a banshee out front and call me every name in the book.

The police arrived soon after and just like that she completely stopped her fit and began to try and play the victim. She told the police that I was an intruder in her sons' apartment and that I had attacked her.

The police had arrived with an ambulance which was promptly taken to because she was "feeling faint" and was in distress after my brutal assault on her.

The police than came to interview me and I told them what had actually happened. I showed them the bite mark on my hand and the bruises that were beginning to form. My fiancé arrived at the scene and immediately came to my side. He confirmed to the officers that I do live there, and his mother is a nutcase.

Seeing that her son was siding with me, sent her into yet another tantrum. The police asked me if I would like to place charges against FMIL. I looked to my fiancé and I could tell that he was conflicted on what to do.

I had to do what would make me feel safe in the end and I decided to place charges. FMIL was first taken to the hospital and then arrested upon her release. She is now facing charges for assault and I have taken a restraining order against her.

This has placed a serious strain on my relationship with my fiancé. He and the rest of his family want me to drop the charges against his mother. He tells me that since I have a restraining order, she can no longer come near me, so I have nothing to worry about. I don't think he fully understands how terrifying this experience was for me.

He tells me that it is my decision in the end and he will stand by me but he doesn't want to see his mother go to prison. Part of me just wants to pack my bags and run. I told him that I felt this way and he is begging me to stay with him. He says that we can move and have no contact with his family in the future. I am so confused and conflicted on what to do.

Update 3:

Please read other posts. Well everyone, I know I will be trashed for being so stupid but many of you have asked for an update.

I left my fiancé after everything happened and I was heartbroken. A few days after leaving and staying with my parent I found out the news.

I am pregnant. I came to the apartment to tell him the news and his mother was there. (Yep he decided to side with her).

She screamed the loudest banshee scream I have ever heard. She told me I need to end the pregnancy immediately. I told her that I would not do that. I plan to keep the baby.

That is when this monster attacked me. She started to hit me and my stomach area. After this I called the police. The bastard did nothing to help. Only said stop to her from the sidelines. I think he wanted the baby to die. Luckily they are doing just fine.

I truly regret dropping the restraining order. I now don't know what to do. I think he still has rights as a father but I don't no how to fix it so they don't have access.

I am now pregnant and alone living at my parents. Any advice is appreciated by please leave out the negative comments. I am not sure I can handle them.

Update 4:

I have been asked many times about what happened after. When I got home that day my mother took one look at me and was furious.

I had a black eye and bruises. I declined the ambulance and went straight to my parents. My Mom led me to my bed and made me a cup of tea. Then she just kept asking “who did this”

She thought it was my ex but when I told her the truth she was even more furious. I explained everything to her that had happened (I never told her before) and told her all the gory details.

She calmed me down and left to go make me some food. But she actually left the house.

A few hours later she came back. She had what she called her trophy. Which is actually a large clump of exFMIL hair. She actually put it in a memory box.

She told her that she will never lay eyes on her grand baby and many other colourful things. My mom is actually an ex body builder and very into fitness.

After that I got a call from my ex and he just screamed at me. Mom took the call and told him never to contact me again or he will get the same treatment that was given to me. He has not contacted me since.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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