Woman gets revenge on ex-husband. 'You cheated on me? Wait till you see who I'm dating.' AITA? UPDATED 3X
When this woman gets back at her husband in the creepiest way, she asks the internet:
"I am finally dating and getting revenge on my ex-husband. AITA?+ UPDATES"
I don't know how to put this. But this is a bizarre situation. I used to be married to my husband Alan before we got divorced 3 years ago because he had an affair with the intern working in his office.
Needless to say he made the typical excuses like "I fell out of love" "She makes me feel special" "Our sex life was boring". What makes it worse is his AP was my daughter's (24F) friend. So it was overall disgusting from his part.
My daughter and son (21M) doesn't have a good relationship with their dads anyways. Especially my daughter having cut his dad off out of her life. I was pretty devastated to say the least. My whole world fell apart. I am still in therapy for some issues.
Onto AP's Father and I: AP's father, Ezra knew about all of this. He once came into my house and apologized for his daughter's behavior and that he has taught her better than this.
His wife abandoned him and his daughter when she was little. So, he hoped that AP knows about how much disappointed his father is. For some weird reasons we continued to talk. Probably because we were both betrayed spouses.
He helped me go through with the pain. He eventually asked me out and said he hasn't had loving feelings for anyone since his wife left him. He knows it will make things complicated.
I am also wrong. I was feeling vindictive at that point. In my mind, I kept playing "You can have se% with my husband, I can have se% with your dad". I know it is silly and childish. But after we started dating things have been great.
He is a great partner and a lover. I do like Ezra. We have had multiple conversations about this. I had my doubts about it but so far no red flag. Ezra has expressed that he wants to tell his daughter about this. I am not sure what to expect. How can I tell her that I am sleeping with her dad.
My daughter knows about my partner and thinks this it's hilarious and a little creepy. Also the only reason I am continuing this relationship is because I know the AP will get bored of my husband one day.
Because I heard whispers from outside that he is having troubles with the AP. Like what should I expect from this? How will I handle the AP when she gets to know about me and her dad?
TLDR: I am sleeping with my husband's AP's dad and he wants to tell his daughter about our relationship.
Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
middlehandle1935 writes:
It kind of reminds me if something that happened when I was younger. I don't typically talk about this because it causes me anxiety, but when I was 18. My friend's dad helped me get a job as a receptionist in his law firm.
I had known him and my friend since I was 13 and I had met his partners as well, so while not close in relationship with them, they had also known me for that time. I was the receptionist for a different lawyer, not my friend's dad.
My boss didn't start flirting with me at all. It was very professional in the beginning. What he did start doing, when I would go into his office to bring him his coffee or the mail or some paperwork, is he would talk to me for a few minutes amd then start telling me personal stuff.
Like how his wife was always tired and didn't want to sleep with him. How chaotic home was with the young kids. How easy it was to talk to me. How he wished that he hsd met someone like me instead.
Now I kind of just played a sympathetic ear. I had no interest in this guy, at all. Then the touching started. Nothing overtly sexual. A hand on my shoulder. Or on the small of my back.one day a UPS guy dropped off a package and was flirting with me and the lawyer came out.
Put his hand on my shoulder and stepped into my personal space. I was kind of frozen. I thanked the ups guy. Boss wanted me in his office where I was yelled at for being unprofessional. I cried. Right there in his office. I remember being embarrassed and angry at myself.
When I was 20, I got engaged. He pulled me into his office. It started with work stuff and then again, the conversation turned personal for him and then slowly turned personal toward me. He started asking more probing questions. Much more personal and much more uncomfortable.
He then started talking about how I shouldn't get married without any real experience, that has my boss it was his job to watch out for me. He didn't want me to become like his wife, tired all of the time and unable to please my husband.
That sex with a 20 year old isn't great and that every woman should have sex with an older man to learn how to pleasure our husbands.
Now the entire time this were happening, I didn't know what to do. I was making really good money. And I think, just from TV and things that this type of thing was normal. That he wasn't touching me inappropriately or forcing himself on me. So it had to be normal. Right?!
Even the former president slept with an intern! (I don't remember everything of that scenario. I was young when that happened. I just remember something about a dress. Lol).
Then the retirement party for one of the other lawyers. Everyone was invited. It was a country club. We could bring a date. My then fiance wasn't able to make it so I went alone. I was still too young to drink at that point. It was an open bar, but they were checking IDs so I just had soda or water. It was still fun.
Well, my boss's wife was there and she did, to me, seem really standoffish and rude to everyone. She also got into an argument with my boss and left early. At this point, I was just off on my own.
I was chatting with people, but I was the youngest person there and I was considering leaving early myself. Well My boss was upset over the arguement and he stepped over with a drink for me.
He just asked I not tell anyone and then invited me to sit in a different room and talk. I was uncomfortable but how do I say no to my boss? We talked. He complained about his wife the entire time. He told me he hadn't slept with his wife in three years and that she had given him the okay to step outside the marriage.
I didn't know what to say about that and again just offered some sympathy. Three drinks later and nothing inappropriate happening except the conversation, and now that I know better, the alcoholic drinks to an underaged girl. he told me that he would take me home. I wasn't drunk but I definitely was tipsy so I agreed. He started asking me questions. Asking if my fiance was home. I told him no.
He walked me to my door and he said he wanted to make sure everything was okay since I was going to be home alone. Again. Uncomfortable but didn't want to be rude. Afterall he's looking out for me, right? Then the asshole kissed me. I froze. I didn't know what to do.
I did ask him what he was doing and he said he assumed I had invited him into my apartment for a reason. I asked him to leave. Which he did without a fight. I had already started dreading going into work to begin with. But Monday morning I called out sick.
Tuesday, I still dreaded going into work but did it anyway. He called me into his office to discuss my call off. And then told me that my behavior was inappropriate at the party. That I not only represent the firm, but him and that I embarrassed him by drinking.
I was confused and upset and he threatened to fire me if I told anyone what occurred. That it was my fault he kissed me because of my dress and being drunk. I didn't tell anyone. I did believe it was my fault. Like I had lead him on. Of course it was my fault.
The touching started to get worse. And I had started to dress differently. Professional, but pants instead of a skirt. Baggier shirts. I wasn't comfortable at work. I started applying for different jobs, mainly at other law firms.
But! Lawyers talk! So he found out I was looking for a different job. That made him mad and he offered to give me a raise and threatened any job prospects in the area at the same time. I felt stuck.
Though I did eventually quit, I never told anyone what happened. I know he did get in trouble because a few years later a lawyer reached out to me to ask about my experience working with him, but I said it was fine. I regret not speaking up sooner. I would never want my daughter to go through that.
richbathroom09 writes:
Ok, so I am going to tell you my story so maybe that could help with perspective. My x husband of 13 years cheated on me many times and I did not have the self esteem or courage to leave, until I did.
One of the girls he cheated on me with I told her to her face I knew she had a reputation of sleeping with taken men and to not do that to me. We were beginning a "friendship". Well, they did. It took a year but I finally left him. A guy added me on FB and I looked at his pics and saw that he had just gotten out of a relationship with that one chick who I had warned.
That's what made me talk to him, because the timeline of their dating, and my x sleeping with that girl, was way too close. Long story short, I am still with that guy. We have a 5 year old and he is a great parent to our daughter whom I had with my x. Sometimes, if you're happy with someone, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Oh and for everyone defending the girl cause she is too young and the x husband is a predator. That may be so, but if she committed a crime she would go to jail. So, in no way shape or form is she innocent. Quit making adults victims, that's called enabling.
madamewaste writes:
No, this is perfect. Seriously, she grew up without a mom to teach her about life. She clearly needs some guidance.
The fates aligned to save you from a failing marriage AND provide her with a wonderful Stepmom that can be a proper role model for healthy relationships.
Your husband can be left alone and miserable when the relationship based on sexual attraction and not common interest/life stages eventually crumbles.
If she doesn't want to accept the relationship that's her choice, but since she didn't give you the opportunity to have an opinion about her relationship with your husband, I would say you don't have to extend that courtesy to her either. She set the precedent.
martime8 writes:
Becoming your cheating ex's mother-in-law.... Perfection! :D You're asking what to expect and how to handle it: Expect your new step-daughter not to be happy. Stay out of it as much as you can and never express to her face any kind of vindictive "gotcha" sentiment.
If you do, she will tell daddy and that will hurt him and your relationship. Keep your mouth shut on that part of your feelings. You have no need to speak to your ex or your partner's child unless spoken to.
Live your life, love your man and don't fuel any drama. You can't help the relationship between your partner and his daughter, you could only hurt it. So stay away from that. I wish you happiness, OP!
And now, OP's first update:
So before going on with the update I want to make one thing clear about my previous post. When I said I will am only continuing this relationship because I heard my ex and AP would break up, I meant that I am glad there would be less drama.
Yes when I started dating Ezra, it was supposed to be a fling but I slowly developed feeling for him. I like him but this situation is complicated. Just imagine me being my ex-husband's step-MIL. It sound weird. That's why I am continuing the relationship.
Ok, now for the update. Yesterday, AP came for lunch at Ezra's house. It was a surprise. I was there. When she saw me she asked what am I doing here. Ezra told her that he has been dating me for couple of months and this is what he wanted to tell her next week.
He didn't know it would be too fast. AP was obviously not happy. She kept saying she doesn't approve it, it is so weird, how can he (Ezra) do this to her? There was screaming from her part and told me to get out. Ezra wanted to calm her down but nothing worked.
I wanted to tell her to sit down and talk but she was about to grab me but before that Ezra stopped her. He also yelled at her that she has the audacity to tell him who he should date when she shamelessly dated a married man, and that too someone who is her friend's father. At least his relationship is inappropriate because we are both same age.
She needs to look at her life and it's poor choices. She lost her friends, she lost respect in the eyes of her family, she almost lost her job because of her affair. She has no say in who he dates when she didn't listen to him about Alan (my ex). If it makes her uncomfortable she needs to deal with it herself.
Because my ex and her relationship makes everyone uncomfortable. Ezra even said she was turning into her mother. A selfish women who abandoned her family. That seems to have triggered AP. She shouted that he must have done something. That is why she left him.
She even made comments like my husband left me because I must have done something. Which is odd because while the affair was going on my husband wasn't distant at all.
Or showed any signs of cheating. I got to know that from my daughter. There were few more screaming matches and she left. I honestly felt bad and then it hit me. She maybe carrying her anger towards her mother to her relationship.
She must be under the impression that her mother must have left and cheated because something her father did. I don't know what lies my ex told her but she used that to justify her affair. In her mind she is saving a man from a bad marriage because she wanted to save her mom or dad.
I know it sounds complicated but that's what I think. She is carrying trauma into her relationship. That very night, I sat down with Ezra and told him we need to take a break from out relationship. He said it is not necessary he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I tried to explain things to him.
Her daughter dating my husband has made things complicated enough. And me dating him would make this thing even twisted. And moreover, the issue seems to be bigger than us. His daughter needs him. She seems to be lost and confused.
I mean her own mother had BPD and drug problem when she was 10 and left home. After 3 years when she came back things were a bit stable. Then again cheated and left when she was 18. I know 18 is an adult but she was still very little when her mom left. She never had that stable home and guidance.
She is confused right now. She needs her dad now more than ever. He needs to focus on his relationship with his daughter first. It took a while but he agreed to at least give it a try.
And yeah, I did get a really colorful message from my ex after his AP left. He said it was inappropriate and shit. I pointed out his hypocrisy that he didn't think it was inappropriate to f&&& his daughter's friend or asked for my permission. Why does he think he has a say in my relationship?
That's about it. I am really hurt. I do miss him but we are both adults with kids. We cannot act like children. If something happens, I will let you know. I don't know if reddit will remove my post or not.
EDIT: I think I need to make it clear, I am not officially breaking up with Ezra. We are taking a pause or a break from our relationship.
I talked to him today, he said he will try for few weeks, if nothing changes he will go NC regardless of where our relationship goes because he cannot have a toxic man involved in his family anymore. That is why I wanted to take a break so that he can focus on his daughter now and try one last time to talk some sense into her.
Before we give you OP's big updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
seniorvalue0 writes:
You are being callous by breaking with him. You know very well where he stands. He wanted to make it work with you. His daughter is completely and entirely wrong in this whole situation, and if she can't come to terms with his relationship with you, it's on her to learn how to deal with it.
But you seem to have entered in this relationship with such a feeble resolution. If so, it would have been better if you hadn't begun it at all.
I feel sorry for him. The man is alone now. He can't stand his daughter. And you gave his daughter what she really wanted, for him to be alone. Do you think she's one to have empathy and go back to have a healthy relationship with her dad? I'm sorry, but you made an already bad situation become even worse.
OP replied:
I think me and Ezra both know what is best in this solution. No matter how shitty his daughter acted she is still his daughter and I know he misses her. You think this is fair to anyone to keep a father away from his daughter? Also, I am not officially breaking up with him.
We are taking a break so that he can focus on his daughter. I just talked to him, he said he will try ones last time to talk some sense into his daughter after that he will go NC with her regardless of where our relationship stands.
Only time will tell. I do have feelings for him. But I think it is best we pause or relationship so that he can focus on his relationship with his daughter.
OP also provided some other interesting comments:
If I am being honest, she already had her consequences. She lost her friends. She became friends with my daughter in college, they were roommates. All her friends dropped her. Her reputation was tarnished, she lost her father, the only family she had. She almost lost her job. Nobody trusts her.
I know she did me wrong but she is was still in her early 20s when this happened. People in their early 20s are still learning a lot of thing. Heck, if I could go back in time, then I would stop myself from marrying my ass of an ex-husband.
Ezra and I talked about this. He is willing to try out something and talk some sense into her. We are not officially breaking up. Just taking a pause.
And now, OP's second major update:
I know a lot of you have been asking for an update. I know people are invested in this story. Things are normal now. Ezra and I are back to normal. It has been 2 weeks since. I don't know in details what happened.
But I am just sharing what Ezra shared. He and his daughter had talks and fights about this whole situation. His daughter's defense is that I am a selfish woman. My ex was unhappy in his marriage. I am only dating her dad to get revenge on her.
Ezra retaliated and said if she has any other proof of me mistreating my ex-husband other than his words. How does she know he is not lying to get into her pants? How does she know if he was the one who mistreated me in our marriage? She made a lot of assumptions about me without even knowing me.
She doesn't understand the lies and manipulation he told her just to get her. That a man telling you he is going to leave his family of 30 years for you is not something to be proud. If a man can betray his family so easily for a younger woman he can betray anyone, even her (his daughter).
Also lastly he said she has no right to say anything against his relationships when she didn't even listen to any of the word and advices he had against dating my ex husband.
She lost her right to judge him the moment she became a homewrecker. She said that she is an adult and she can do whatever she wants but she is a hypocrite if she objects her father's relationship.
If she is uncomfortable with me around then she should suck it up. Just like he is still uncomfortable with her dating a 50 year old man whose daughter is almost the same age as she is. As for my ex husband he hasn't stopped commenting how weird this is.
I shut him down by saying him dating a girl same age as his daughter is weirder. At least I am dating someone closer to my age. Did he really give a shit about what his daughter is feeling when he is out here fucking her former friend? Then he has no right to call this weird.
I don't know if my ex and AP will stay together or not. I think she will make it work somehow just to spite her own father. But from what I have seen she has been doubting her relationship with my ex. Ezra got her into therapy. He is also attending along with her.
And we got back together because we both realized we have strong feelings for each other. We are already very old, we have come a long way in our life. Our children are grown.
We have achieved all the milestones and now we just want to relax and have fun. Bonus I don't have to have pregnancy scares because I can tell I am already going through menopause. That's it. I may update again if something big happens.