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Woman cuts close friend out because of her 'disgusting' eating habits. AITA? 3 STRANGE UPDATES.

Woman cuts close friend out because of her 'disgusting' eating habits. AITA? 3 STRANGE UPDATES.


When this woman looks back on her friendship from 20 years ago when she runs into someone she ghosted, she asks Reddit:

"I dropped a good friend because of how she ate. AITA?"

Our group (all early 20s) would take turns hosting a dinner every Wednesday night to stay close. Some of us had jobs, some in college, some like me both worked and were still taking classes. So none of us were rolling in money. The younger sister of my bestie started hanging out with us when she turned 21. Lets call her Anna.

Anna alone ate the equivalent of the other 6 people present. This became an issue. We started passing food from one person in front of her around, just so everyone would get a plate. I tend to make extra for leftovers on purpose.

These are planned lunches and quick freezer meals to avoid wasting money on fast food. Since ways to save money were frequent topics of convo the entire group was aware of this, most did the same.

Anna would not only clean every serving plate but go behind me into the kitchen and not leave until every dinner roll, speck of meat, and sides (except salad) were gone.

One she enjoyed the sauce on my barbeque meatballs so much she not only polished off the 6 qt slow cooker full (there were only 4 of us that night) but was eating the sauce out of the casserole with a bag of chips she found in my cupboard. At 1am we scraped the remaining sauce and sent her home with a loaf of bread cuz we were tired.

Several of us had to stop doing group dinners because she was over our food budget. Hints didn't slow her down. One on one convo about budgets, health, emotional eating, etc nothing worked!

Then she took to dropping in unexpectedly at dinner time. It felt petty but I would hide foods I knew she really liked in our bedroom closet. I tried telling her I only had $125 a month for food and she would eat that in 2-3 days!

I was back to noodles and oatmeal 3 weeks of each month. Finally my boyfriend just told her "step away from the pot roast!" when she showed up for sunday dinner. (as mortified as Anna and I both were, that delivery still makes me die laughing!)

That roast was a splurge for us and was our dinner plus sandwiches for work next couple days. He was looking forward to it and tired of me trying to be a good hostess. Anna blew up at me for being rude and not defending her.

I just looked at her and said I was sorry but she needed to be better about sharing, let others eat too. So that night I lost Anna and her sister from my friend group. They felt I should dump my bf and apologize.

Part of me wishes I had stayed with the group, the other part feels good friends don't put you in debt because they don't want to buy their own groceries.

Anna had more money than I did, she had a good job that paid her college and grandparents bought her a small house for graduation. She was the "baby" and golden child all in one. "No" was not in her wheel house.

Then the kicker. When my bf and I broke up, he confessed that when I had surgery for cancer Anna had been in the waiting room with him and told him she would there for him if he needed comfort if I didn't make it through.

I had several surgeries, radiation, and Anna made it plain throughout my treatment she was very available to him. Luckily for me, treatment worked well and I haven't had any recurrence in 10 years! It made me feel gross she was always showing up to cheer me up then trying to get with my bf when I wasn't looking.

I ran into her at the Sam's Club the other day. She's married her step brother, has a kid and just moved a few blocks away from me. Seeing her brought up all those good, bad and sad memories. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

I feel like its my confession of being a selfish friend. I was so unkind to her, her eating such huge quantites has to be some kind of emotional issue. AITA?

Before OP's odd update and additional comments, let's read some of the top responses:

usualfocus writes:

You shouldn't feel bad. Not only was she eating the food that was laid out for everybody, she went and took it upon herself to eat the bag of chips that was in your cabinet with the rest of the sauce.

This is part of the reason I'm leaving my boyfriend. He eats too much to the point that sometimes I run out of food at the end of the month and I'm tired of going hungry because of him.

I can't save food or money for the life of me anymore. I understand that some people may have issues with food but at the same time, after a while, you're just being self-centered.

Don't feel bad about losing a supposed friend, she's not being a very good friend by allowing her sister to do this. Also, the fact that they said that you should dump your boyfriend is just ridiculous.

lusguylux writes:

NTA. My brothers ex wife was like this. They're both recovering drug addicts so they're very selfish by nature in general. If someone got two dozen kolaches for everyone and the kids she would grab like 5 then lay across the couch so nobody could sit down.

She has no qualms about taking the last 5 kolaches either before everyone has gotten one. She left my brother while he was at work in the worst way and he went to an asylum during his emotional recovery but holy shit I was so happy she did. He's doing better than ever now.

nobodyspecial writes:

You have to look out for yourself. It’s one thing to be a friend, it’s quite another to drain your resources like there’s no tomorrow.

I feel for you because I’ve been in a similar situation. Had a good friend for years. Then I ended up getting a cool house in a place I really wanted to live. Life was good. My friend wanted to come and visit for a few days with her boyfriend.

When they arrived, it started. “What are we having for dinner? Can I take a shower? Do you have any tools? I need to fix my car in your driveway. Can I borrow your jacket? Do you have any coffee? Lipgloss? Lotion? Pair of socks?

Can I borrow this eyeshadow? Do you have a spare hair tie? Can I borrow your lighter? Do you have any weed?” Along with breaking things, spilling drinks, knocking over a nice lamp and shattering the glass lampshade. It. Was. Exhausting. Felt like two weeks but they stayed for one weekend.

By the time they left, my house was empty of most everything. Oh, forgot to mention my friend wanted to bake a frozen pizza from my freezer, and put it in the oven but didn’t remove the cardboard on the bottom of the pizza.

Started a fire, and ruined the pizza. Had to find something else for dinner so I just made another trip for groceries. But yeah, anything that could be consumed in my house, was consumed. Or broken. Or borrowed by the two of them. I thought maybe they were just having a hard time and thought nothing of it. Until.

They came through town on a long road trip and wanted to stay, to “come and visit” instead of getting a hotel. Ok. It was another couple days of havoc. By the time they leave I was lucky to have a tea bag and a potato left.

Go into my bathroom, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste (how?!), mouthwash (again, how?!), soap, medicine cabinet looted, everything used up. And they did it with a smile. Just friends hanging out, right?

I could not handle it anymore and I felt horrible about it. Since their visits were usually a couple months apart, I thought for a few weeks about what to do while I stocked my house back up with food and everything.

This was a long time ago so, I changed my phone number and didn’t give them the new one. Had to do it.

I still feel bad about it even though it was years ago, but, I was barely surviving, working full time, and their visits were wiping me out because they ate so much and used practically everything and anything up in the house. They never seemed to bring anything, and I had to put a stop to it.

When I did, it took a few months but I was able to recover and start a savings with the money I saved. All I’m saying is, it is a tough decision, but sometimes the right decision in your own best interests to end a friendship like this.

You did what you had to do to take care of yourself, for your own good. No one can blame you for that and I say it’s a difficult, but sometimes a correct move.

jframwell writes:

I’m not against you at all on this OP. She is clearly struggling with an eating disorder but that should not come at the cost of you and your other friends. I had to stop being friends with someone because of this.

I love to eat and I definitely am an over eater but not to that extent. She would clear a whole container of Oreos in one sitting. I basically could not invite her over my house because she would clear me out. I do not know how she affords her grocery bills.

dellamaureen writes:

Some people are truly just oblivious to the consequences of their behaviour and its effect on others.

She didn't take your hints, because she didn't understand that your hints were about her. Further proof of her bubble-wrapped perspective is that she was actually shocked when your boyfriend finally spoke up for the group and for your budgets.

I don't see anything wrong with reaching out with an apology for the way your message was delivered. Although justified and really funny, it was a bit rude and no doubt really hurt her feelings; she was undoubtedly embarrassed.

Then tell her exactly what you and the group have been going through when it comes to her behaviour: I really think she's unaware, and it's up to you to point it out. She'll either be mortified and change her behaviour, or will blow you off. Either way, I think you owe owe to her and to yourself to try again.

interestingbake writes:

NTA. She was trying subconsciously, to starve you to death in every way. She’s super dangerous and toxic and I honestly think you should start telling this story to folk you know, in your shared home town. I hope Anna gets what she deserves, - I don’t write this very often but what a fg horrible *itch she is.

Waits for someone to have a near death experience, makes move on lover, then when that doesn’t work, goes and eats everything possible in your cupboard to stress you out financially. I hate Anna so much, vicious baggage deserves some very serious karma. Tell everyone.

Tell her family or better still, get your ex to do so. You have been a stoic friend to an almost stupid degree as you should not have to live in poverty for a friend and anyone who ponces off others like that is very much not a friend.

Then, OP provides this odd update that clears up a few things:

Yes, it actually happened. Yes, I and others talked to her about her eating. Some people say they are dieting and think eating unlimited from "allowed" food lists is going to net same results as limiting total calorie intake.

Beating food addiction is not easy. took me years to get better about speaking up and seeming "rude" by expressing my boundaries. (my issues) Now I just smack away anyone's hand grabbing for my plate. Anna's sister was my entre to a core of friends from their HS days, we met in college.

That group stuck together, except one who was over it as well, and the few I brought into the group. I was more introverted and learned to be more outgoing and it's ok to put the books away to just enjoy people and dancing the night it was a valuable friendship to me at the time.

Anna was rude, selfish and boy did she have an ego! Most annoying was crying if you looked at her sideways. Yet no one is all bad. She would show up to clean a friend's home if you were sick.

Bring flowers randomly to make your day brighter. She had good points. That said, Nope! Not bringing her back and she knows that is not an option too! When I saw her at Sam's, I was shopping with my ex.

We remain great friends and split our shopping to save money. Her face and a few remarks were all I needed to hear. I believe his recount. The only thing I felt guilty for was that last blow-up. Yes I lmao when he defended his dinner. My ex is a second-generation Italian American.

Sharing food is one thing, giving it all is a no "a man's gotta eat!" It needed to be stopped, maybe not so harshly. I have overweight people in my life whom I love dearly. Let's not fat shame.

OP also provided this additional update (with more details about Anna):

We did have some work conferences in common and spent a lot of fun times socially. It wasn't all bad. She just had zero filter or self-control.

And she was one of the first to visit and offer to clean your house if you not feeling well.... but yeah, it took a while for me to admit I felt taken advantage of more than happy when she was knocking on the door.

Her sister and I met in a computer lab class and spent 3 yrs doing everything together before we both moved in with our BFs. That was the real reason I let it drag on so long. I knew she'd put family first 100%. No one criticized her baby sister without being cut.

Honestly, if my ex didn't mention it when she was in our lives, I never understood why he felt the need to say something during our break up a few years after the fact. We've remained good friends, just didn't work as a couple.

The food thing, sounds so petty with distance, but it really affected our wallet and felt like a big deal at the time.

She did host in her rotation but frequently would be ordering pizza and we'd all chip in or bring a dish because she was running late after work.

We were all so used to making excuses that in hindsight, the suggestions to cook less are freaking obvious. Another thought I had was why didn't we start cooking a ton of rice to serve with meals so she'd have something cheaper to fill up on? smh.

Anna is over 6ft+2-4 inches over. She always teased me about being short at 5'11". And yep, she would be considered medically obese at over 300lbs.

She was on fad diets all the time. South Beach, Keto, Bone-Broth Diet, eating for blood type etc.. and there were always others in the group joining in. You can imagine, as a group of mostly women we all had our hang-ups and dieted off and on too.

It's one of those things, for a few years I didn't even have the perspective of her also propositioning my guy, just the eating.

And the food was the reason she went crying to her sister and our friendship ended there because no way was I letting them dictate who I lived with or dated! I think I miss the fun times, always something going every weekend.

It divided our friend group with most sticking with the sisters. I keep in touch through FB and birthday calls with 2 of the girls who did leave the group over the expenses.

Sometimes it is easier to give advice than take our own. Reading so many responses here having the same take, settles it a bit for me. I can agree it was selfish of Anna to put us in the position to make it an issue and ruin a good thing. Transition from school to different careers gave us less party time. Those dinners were our way to keep the support of old friends. Until it became a burden.

Then, OP provides this update about Anna's marriage (to her stepbrother):

About the stepbrother marriage, It sounds worse than it is! Her mother remarried when Anna was 22/23-ish. It does seem weird that her married name is the same as her mother's, though!

Yeah, I snooped on FB a bit for the backstory there ngl. One of our mutual friends gave me a filler. The stepbrother was in some trouble, fought, and beat drug addiction (total props for that), but his family would not let him in their houses. He needed a place to stay, she had a spare room.

He's like 15 yrs older, too. Her mom likely thought nothing would happen. It was her mom's idea when her husband forbid his son moving in after the halfway house. She's a bit of a "fixer" trying to make everyone happy, too.

After a year of roomies, Anna and her Step-brother got together. Then married when she discovered she was pregnant. They looked happy when I saw them and in their FB posts. Somebody for everyone right?

So, looks like OP is NTA here. But what do you make of her retelling of the story? Is Anna really that bad? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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