Having a pet is good for people's mental health. A furry friend to cuddle when you're sad is invaluable. Unfortunately, it is also a bit expensive to have a pet. Vet bills, food, and pet toys all add up.
She writes:
My ex had a cat when I moved in with him. He had never actually adopted it; a stray became his after he started feeding it. When his ex was living with him, the cat got pregnant and had kittens; and they found homes for some, but others became strays.
When I moved in, I told him we should get the cat spayed and take it to a vet for the fleas. He agreed at first, but weeks passed, and he still hadn't made an appointment. When I asked him if I should do it, he said he was going to, and I waited a few more weeks. All this time, the fleas were getting worse, and I was stressing because he was only working part-time, and we were struggling financially.
One day after the flea bites kept me up all night; I took it to the vet. I had to pay for a new patient exam plus the medication. He became angry and frustrated when I asked him to reimburse me for half the cost.
He said we couldn't afford to pay for a vet and prescription flea meds (I'd tried the stuff from the store, and they didn't work). When I explained I needed him to chip in so I could continue to buy groceries and pay the bills, he yelled at me that he had been waiting until we had more money (though he had never brought it up before).
I felt terrible for making such a dumb mistake; I know I should have checked with him first to make sure he could chip in, but the fleas were driving me crazy, and the poor cat was scratching & chewing at itself all the time.
After some time went by, the fleas subsided. (I spent all my free time vacuuming and deep cleaning the furniture and carpets). During all this time, I always bought cat food and cleaned the litter. I would remind him and ask him to help, which sometimes he would, but he'd always go back to forgetting again.
We finally had some money to spare a few months later, so I told him we should have her spayed now. He became very angry and eventually shared that he doesn't believe in having animals sterilized because it's their right to breed and have offspring, and he also wanted to put the money towards a PS5.
This made me angry because it had already had a litter of kittens, some of which they never found homes for. The next time the cat ran out of food, I reminded him for a week to buy more.
I told him I was tired of it being my sole responsibility because it's his cat, and also, I was so scared it would get pregnant again, and I'd have a whole litter to take care of all by myself. I said I would take it to the shelter if he didn't buy it food, and he said no and promised to buy food three days in a row.
So when the cat ran out of food entirely, instead of buying more like I always do, I surrendered it to a shelter in the hopes it would be placed in a better home (it's a no-kill shelter, and they're very picky about who they adopt out to).
My boyfriend is heartbroken and furious at me that I re-homed his cat without permission. We can't afford to adopt it back from the shelter, and I'm feeling like I made a huge mistake.
The internet is here to settle all cat disputes.
worldofwhevs says:
NTA (Not the A**hole), you're the only responsible between you. Anyone who puts saving for a console game above feeding and caring for a pet doesn't deserve to have one. Good for you. It's always hard giving up a pet, but you did the right thing. Feel sad because of the loss, and you will, but not out of guilt.
kcbrand5 says:
Girl, you're a huge A**HOLE but not for the cat. You did the right thing for that poor animal. You're TA because you are still with this dude. What are you thinking? He cares little about you, which is evident in how he treated you after you did the human thing, which was to try to help an animal.
He treats a living pet like garbage - can't be bothered to get it food, clean up after its waste, let kittens become strays, didn't care that flea bites can lead to an infection which could kill the cat, didn't care that the cat was miserable and scratching all of the time. Didn't care that you, his girlfriend, were getting bitten all the time and spending hours deep cleaning and vacuuming. And he doesn't believe in getting a cat fixed? Are you serious?
Please think about this relationship. What happens if you become pregnant? Do you think this dude will care to ensure the baby is healthy, fed, and clean, or would he make it your job while playing that PS5 he used all the baby money for?
If he can't even give a sh*t to do the bare minimum for his pet (that he was so upset to lose), do you think he'll do the right thing for a child? Or you? You deserve better. I hope you realize that soon.
Slingus_000 says:
NTA. How do guys like this get girlfriends? He's literally got you deep cleaning his flea infested hovel, he led you on for weeks about getting the cat spayed only to reveal he never intended to do that, and apparently can't afford a PS5, what are you doing with him?
OP, you did the right thing; that cat was probably on her last life with your boyfriend.