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Woman gives MIL 2 weeks to move after she has police escort her parents out of house. AITA? UPDATED

Woman gives MIL 2 weeks to move after she has police escort her parents out of house. AITA? UPDATED

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"AITA for wanting my mother-in-law to move out after she kicked out my parents?"

Hi there I am here to ask for advice and to make my husband see that I’m not the ahole (here’s hoping y’all can see where I’m coming from). I (45f) live with my children (12f,12f,14m&15m), husband(46m) and mother in law (65f).

My MIL moved in with us back in 2015 after my father in law passed because she was financially struggling. My mil is not easy to live with and we struggled immensely at the beginning but after a few years we found a way to cohabit.

Then recently (three months ago to be exact) my parents (68f,68m) house burned down and they moved in with us while everything is sorted out with insurance and so on. My boys are sharing a bedroom as my parents are currently staying in my eldest bedroom.

My MIL has struggled with this and seems to hate my mother being around. My mother has done nothing to upset her or to disturb her. In fact my parents' bedroom is on the other side of the house. She doesn’t however have problem with my father and always finds a way to hangout with him.

A few days ago while I was away for work a massive argument happened between my mother and MIL. My mother had accused her of trying to seduce my father and there were some inappropriate texts sent to my father (my father immediately showed it to my mother and my mother responded as if she was my father to see how far MIL would go and well she went far).

Well my mother confronted her and MIL called the police (saying she felt threatened) who then escorted my parents out the house. This all happened while my husband was at work and the kids at school. My parents went to stay at a hotel and they explained what happened to me over the phone.

When I returned I gave MIL two weeks to move out. My husband thinks I’m escalating things and that I should forgive his mothers actions because she was lonely and confused. (FYI there is nothing wrong with her, she’s in good health). So am I the ahole for wanting her out of our house and my life?

EDITS:

——FYI: To answer my husband has not seen the text and pictures his mother sent my father. The only reason he hasn’t seen it is because he refused to but I think I’ll have to insist because I need him to really understand how nasty she’s been.

Also I wanted to kick her out immediately but my husband begged me to give him two weeks so he could find a place for her. And my parents being the saint’s that they are said that I should give him that.

My husband has profusely apologized to my parents but my parents aren’t upset with us and hold only mil responsible as it was her disgusting actions that lead to this.

1- In the pictures she sent my father, mother in law wasn’t completely naked, she sent him lingerie pictures with suggestive poses and accompanied with lewd texts. Which is why my husband isn’t particularly interested in seeing them.

2- The police asked my parents to leave since my mil technically lives there. To avoid escalating the situation my parents decided to leave. The police officers did not file any charges and just left after a chat with everyone involved. There was zero violence and no one got hurt.

3- Mother in law moved in with us after she had lost almost everything. Father in law died after a long battle with cancer. Medical cost ate up pretty much most of their savings and she had to sell their house. This led her to spiral into a deep depression. My husband was very worried for his mother and for good reason as she was in a terrible state at the time. So we decided to move her in with us.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Salt-Lavishness-7560 said:

MIL didn’t just kick OP’s parents out - she called the cops on them and had them removed from OP’s home. Which reeks of MIL now thinks she’s calling the shots in that house. And if OP’s husband gets his way, she will.

I’m gobsmacked at the delusion of the husband - “she’s lonely.” Then go to bingo. Volunteer at the library. Joins garden club. There’s about a million ways an able bodied 65 year old woman can entertain herself and keep herself busy and engaged. One of those ways is to NOT put the moves on your DIL’s dad. Hell she initially moved in because of finances? Get a job.

She wasn’t confused about texting silver haired porn at that poor man. She wasn’t confused when she called the cops on them. She wasn’t confused when she presented herself as the legal occupant of the house and had them removed. She has been there for 8-9 years now? She thinks she’s got a position to call the shots in the home. NTA. I honestly don’t know how she can stay after this stunt.

theworldisonfire8377 said:

NTA, she's confused by what, exactly? Who she is and isn't married to? Sounds like a cop-out excuse to me! She's 65, not 100, unless she suffers from dementia, she knew exactly what she was doing. What she did was completely inappropriate and your husband making excuses for her is also inappropriate. If he wants to coddle her so badly, he can move out with her so she's not so "lonely" and "confused."

Gohighsweetcherry said:

Husband can move out with MIL so she’s not "lonely and confused."

winterworld561 said:

NTA at all. Your MIL knew exactly what she was doing and her behavior was disgusting. She's vile. Stick your guns and and keep reminding her how much time she has left to move out. What she did was unforgivable. If your husband keeps digging his heels in then tell him he can go with her.

Disastrous-Height951 said:

NTA. Your MIL was way out of line and inappropriate. She needed to apologize yet she acted entitled, plus she didn’t have the right to throw out your parents. Tell your husband that if his mother can throw people out so can you. She was supposed to be grateful for your help not play you and your family. Again, NTA.

virtualchoirboy said:

NTA. When you next talk to your husband, ask him why he would rather support his mother than his wife? Ask him why he's supporting an attempt at breaking up your parents marriage? Ask him if this is how he's going to treat any other guests that might be staying in their house?

And if he continues to defend her actions, ask him which hotel he'd like you and the kids to stay at because you're certainly not going to be staying with someone who is that enmeshed with his mom.

UPDATE:

I thought I’d give you all an update since several people have asked for one. My mother in law is currently staying in a airbnb and since she is in no position to buy her own place my husband has decided he’s buying her a two to three bedroom place near us. The plan is for her to rent out the second room to her friend (who is currently going through a divorce).

I haven’t spoken to or seen my mil for three weeks now. My husband goes to see her once or twice a week as she is apparently severely depressed. She’s also upset with me for telling my husband’s entire family why she’s been kicked out of my house and they are all appalled with her.

My husband has also gone off on her a few times for her behavior and he fully backs me in the decision to ban her from our home. The children know there has been a falling out with their grandmother and me and I suspect they know why, but they also know they can maintain their own relationship with her without it upsetting me. They miss her and have gone to visit her a few times with their father. There’s much I can say about my mother in law but one thing I can’t deny is her love for her grandchildren!

My husband still hasn’t looked at the messages his mother sent my father and honestly I can understand it because I too wouldn’t want to see anything sexual involving my mother. As for my husband and I we are both working on our relationship.

Obviously during this period our relationship was strained but we are back on track. My husband has apologized to me several times for not putting his foot down with his mother earlier on and he is doing everything he can to mend our marriage.

This whole situation has made my parents and my husband’s relationship awkward but we are all slowly working on mending it. As for my parents house it will take another month or so before they can move back in. It’s currently a construction site and my parents are looking forward to redecorating it.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

Thrwwy747 said:

I'm so relieved that you've gotten that woman out of your house. I'm less thrilled that her bad behavior has bought her a 2 to 3 bedroomed home, but it is what it is. All the best to you.

KawaiKuroNeko said:

Just why on earth would your husband REWARD your MIL by BUYING HER A HOUSE?! This is insane. Especially AFTER SHE KICKED OUT YOUR PARENTS FROM A HOUSE THAT ISN'T HERS. You're saying your husband is trying to mend the relationships with you and your parents yet he's coddling her by buying her a house and visiting her often.

I'd honestly recommend have a safety plan in place (like an account he cannot access, putting things in your name, etc) because if he's willing to forgive his mum (because, let's face it, he has done so or he wouldn't be BUYING HER A HOUSE NEAR YOURS). Talk to a third person, a therapist, a random user that messages you, anything. You need to see that this is not being dealt with at all.

Stoat__King said:

Good job on getting rid of the MIL from your house. Her actions were unforgivable imo. Good luck getting your relationship with your husband back on track. Hopefully time will heal all this now the MIL has gone.

Cybermagetx said:

Yeah no your husband is the issue here. He's buying her a house after she went after your dad. Hubby can go live with mommy.

Francl27 said:

You're a better person than I am. I would never let my husband buy a house for her, unless she paid rent.

nghienghie said:

In the end you MIL has won, she wasnt accountable of her own actions what a "great" model for your children she is.

While most people were still on OP's throughout, the update revealed that her husband is the true enemey here. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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