Woman gives mother-in-law a FINAL WARNING: 'I will cut her off.' AITA? 'I have no choice.'

"AITA for giving my mother-in-law a final warning and saying I will cut her off if she doesn't stop treating me like a servant and badmouthing me to my kids?"

Okay, I need some outside perspective because I'm honestly at my wit's end. I'm (F) married to my husband for a few years now, and for most of that time, I’ve had this ongoing issue with my mother-in-law (MIL). It’s a situation I’ve been avoiding confronting because I didn’t wanna cause drama, but at this point, I feel like I have no choice.

My MIL is one of those people who just thinks she can talk down to me and treat me like I’m beneath her. She’s constantly undermining me, dismissing anything I say or do, and acting like I don’t have any say in my own life.

It’s been wearing me down for a while now, but what really crossed the line is how she treats me in front of my kids. She’s always badmouthing me in front of them, telling them things like I’m lazy, or that I don’t care about the family. It’s like she’s trying to turn them against me, and that’s not something I’m going to let slide.

My husband’s been supportive, but honestly, he’s been kinda passive about the whole thing. He’ll have small arguments with his mom here and there, but he’s never really gone full-on with her. I’ve always hoped he would step up more, but it just never happened.

Well, a few days ago, MIL came over uninvited (which she does all the time) and just started going off on me in front of the kids. She was going on about how I don’t keep the house clean enough, how I don’t take care of the family properly, just constantly picking at me.

I finally snapped. I told her she needed to stop talking to me like that, stop disrespecting me in my own home, and stop badmouthing me in front of the kids. I told her if this didn’t change, I was done. I was gonna cut her off. No more visits, no more anything.

My husband was shocked at first, but then he just looked at me and said he respected my decision. He agreed that if she couldn’t show me basic respect, then it’s time for her to go. I thought that was it we were on the same page finally.

But MIL lost it. She started yelling at me, calling me controlling, saying I was being ridiculous, and that I have no right to talk to her like that. Of course, now my family is divided. Some people are telling me I did the right thing, others think I overreacted, that I should’ve handled it more calmly and not threatened her.

I just don’t know anymore. Was I wrong for giving her an ultimatum and saying I’d cut her off if she kept treating me like that? Or was I right to finally stand up for myself and draw a line in the sand? AITA for how I handled this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Limp-Expert-9293 said:

NTA! You did right! Standing up to your MIL! She is the AH and everyone how says otherwise.

LyraHavenn said:

NTA. You’ve been pushed to your limit, and protecting your kids from her toxic behavior is essential. Your husband’s passive approach wasn’t working, and you had to take control. Setting boundaries is healthy, and her reaction proves she has no respect for you.

CleanPerspective2345 said:

NTA. You gave her plenty of chances, and she crossed a line with the kids. Good for you for finally standing up for yourself.

Greenishthumb4now said:

NTA. How ironic that she calls YOU controlling...while inserting herself into your home and family.

Accomplished-Emu-591 said:

NTA. That was the right action, but several years late. You also need to put your husband on notice that passive doesn't work anymore. Either he is part of the solution and supports you 100%, or he is part of the problem.

Have the boundaries and consequences conversation and have HIM inform his mother what the boundaries are and the immediate strong consequences that will immediately imposed each and every time she breaks a boundary.

CymruB said:

NTA by a long shot but you and your husband also have work to do with each other. That he let his mother’s behavior continue unchecked for so long, let her speak to you like that in front of your kids, absolutely blows my mind.

He needs to be telling all the flying monkeys which are going to come rallying (partly because MIL will tell a distorted version of events), how awful her behavior of you has been. He will also need to stand firm against his mother and not try and be the wish washy man in the middle.

Honestly, if you’re in the States o would be having relationship counselling about this. I’m probably more appalled by his behaviour than hers to be honest. But well done you.