Woman gives roommate with 'learned incompetence' 3 choices when asking for IT help, 'pay $10.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my roommate I will be charging him for future help on his computer due to his learned incompetence?"
For context my roommate is 31M, and we are generally good friends. We went to college together and love to watch TV shows together and play card games together in our spare time. I'm 27F and I am pretty good with technology, nothing crazy but comfortable enough to do some pretty neat stuff with it.
My boyfriend 33M is also pretty sharp with computers, arguably more than me in many cases, and has a job in IT. We love to play video games together due to this and recently when he came over with his laptop we logged into one my favorite nostalgic MMORPG.
My roommate wants to be included in our video game fun but is also terrible with technology to an inexcusable level. And to make matters worse, despite knowing how to google things or use trial and error, every time he runs into something challenging with technology, he’ll just say he doesn’t know what to do and sit there waiting for someone to fix it for him.
It drives me nuts. In the past I’ve felt like his nanny constantly running into his room to help do the most basic stuff as if he’s a baby or something. I’ve tried telling him to just follow a tutorial, or google it but even then he’ll whine that he doesn’t get it.
I’ve gotten fed up because no matter how many times I show him how to do something, the minute he comes across it again he again just sits there and wait for someone else to fix it.
Somehow that person always ends up being me and I’ve started to get harsher in telling him he can either google it or log off because I’m not helping, I am so tired of this. He doesn’t even try to figure things out on his own.
Whenever I’ve talked to him about how frustrating this is, he tells me he never had a computer growing up and simply never got good at using them. But I think that’s ridiculous as I didn’t have a lot of things growing up that I know how to use now.
I finally told him recently he has 3 options when me and my bf are playing video games. 1. Don’t join. 2. Join and google stuff and stop being a chore for others to deal with because he’s too lazy to figure it out on his own. 3. Pay $10 per occupancy of incompetence and asking for help until he gets tired of wasting money and figured it out himself.
Maybe I’m TA for this but it seems that as long as he thinks he can just rely on others to do things for him, he’ll never just learn to do it himself and I think this is a good way to make this behavior worth my time. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Expensive_Island_518 said:
I think you’re in the right here. It’s frustrating to constantly help someone who doesn’t make an effort to learn or solve problems on their own. You've tried being patient and explaining, but at some point, it’s okay to set boundaries.
Charging him a small fee might be a wake-up call that he needs to put in some effort instead of relying on others. It's about encouraging him to be more independent, and if he values your help, he might start trying harder.
12_22_23 said:
NTA. People will abuse a free resource. The solution is to make it no longer free, which is exactly what you're doing.
WhatTheActualFck1 said:
NTA. You’re right- you’re not his parent or nanny or teacher to help him out. You’ve tried to help him learn bad he refuses out of laziness.
elsie78 said:
NTA. I would guess mom did everything for him and now you're her replacement. Don't even offer to help with compensation. No. More. Helping. "I've told you this before, you're an adult, you'll need to figure it out" or "do what you'd do if I wasn't here/ didn't live 26th you." Just stop.
kimba-the-tabby-lion said:
NTA. My parents, who would be 90, now were pretty decent with technology. I got my first computer at 21 (Commodore 65, do the maths!) and the only time I used a computer at school, I used mark-sense cards and my teachers had no clue, so we just copied the a print out of a program we didn't understand onto the cards. I am well on my way to setting up my smart home.
squigs said:
NTA. I was going to say "Just say 'no'" but you've already tried that. At least this way you can make a bit of money.