Woman gives teen sister ultimatum: 'I won't come to dinner if you don't stop making peace cookies.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for giving my brother-in-law his favorite cookie when he was being rude?"

So this whole thing is a bit confusing hence why I am here for some advice. My (17f) oldest sister's (25f) husband (let's say Spongebob) is well....one of those people who would call themselves as "just brutally honest" but are actually kind of rude. My sister doesn't mind and many times has to act as a peacemaker whenever Spongebob makes a snide remark that causes tension in the family.

However he went too far when my other sister (23f) told the family that her fiancé cheated on her with his coworker, to which Spongebob went "I am so sorry, he is wrong to do that but tbf you do look different from what used to and maybe he lost attraction."

Now my sister is struggling with PCOS and has gained weight recently. She is obv very self conscious about it and hence started crying after hearing such remarks and left shortly after. My oldest sis ofc tried to diffuse the situation and told that he meant no harm, and just the way he is.

My parents were very angry and for a few months were low contact with my oldest sis, but eventually everyone forgave each other. I didn't like how again and again our family had tension because of it so I came up with an idea.

Spongebob loves choco chip cookies that I make, so I made many small cookies, filled them in a jar that I secretly named "pr-ck pacifier" and later whenever he would say something rude, I would open the jar and give him a cookie saying “Here’s your peace offering!” Every time that would happen, everyone would burst out laughing and he would shut up.

Its been sometime and he hasn't made any snide remarks, but yesterday my sister texted me how her husband feels disrespected and they won't come for dinners if I don't stop giving him cookies. To that I replied "Here, you need a cookie too. Don't be a pr*^k, have a cookie." She called me names and blocked me. My family finds it hilarious, but now I think I might have gone too far. AITA?

UPDATE:

Ok so, I think for now this situation is sorted somehow, thanks everyone who commented because for a moment Idid think I went too far lol. Ok so after I got blocked, I told mom about it and she said she would talk to my oldest sister and asked me to stay away from the matter for now, but reassured me everything will be fine. Idk what exactly happened but my sis (23f) told me later about it.

Apparently my oldest sister vented about the whole thing to our cousins (we all are very close) and from there many people from our extended family also found out about the cookie story. They all formed a group chat that included my cousins, both my sisters, my mum and my aunts (i wasn't included as the adults wanted to discuss the matter on their own).

Well they all basically shared their own experiences when Spongebob was rude to them as well (like when he said that one of our cousin's wedding was sort of tacky, or when he was criticizing my other cousin because she didn't know how to cook so her husband does most of it).

There were a lot more things which were being told and my oldest sis (lets call her buttercup) had no idea of. They all found the cookie story hilarious too and even said that they all will keep small cookie jars at their homes just in case. Well I think buttercup was sort of embarrassed because she said she will have a chat with Spongebob and later he came to the group chat and apologized...

(IDK how genuine that was but oh well). He even texted me, and told that even tho he is still hurt but understood where i was coming from and i can now stop giving him cookies that way. I apologized too (out of respect) and offered him the cookie jar, but this time as an apology. He said he will accept the peace offering.

My sis unblocked me and said she was sorry for lashing out. I loved the idea that someone told about the fucupcakes and my cousins and I decided that it's prob what we gonna make if he acts "brutally honest" again, because oh well, who won't like a lil cupcake?​​

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

panikitty said:

NTA, except that SpongeBob did not deserve a tasty cookie! However, finding a way to use cookies to indicate disapproval is pretty funny! Kinda love it! Seriously, insulting him is pretty irrelevant given he is both insensitive to others and very touchy about how he himself is reacted to socially.

As an autistic person I understand being accidentally too blunt, but I try hard to accept that I can get my responses wrong, and can be accidentally hurtful. It's my responsibility to learn from my mistakes as best I can, not to get all butthurt when I drop a clanger and get called out. He needs to take a concrete pill and harden the f up, as my partner would say.

elgrn1 said:

What you're doing is called negative reinforcement and it's a well known conditioning technique. Good on you for not stooping to his level but calling out the behaviour nonetheless. If your sister is so okay with his "brutally honest" behaviour that's fine, she's allowed to make that choice.

And the rest of you are also allowed to make the choice to not be around someone so intentionally obnoxious. This is how boundaries work. You aren't making demands or creating rules, you're simply saying "we won't tolerate this behavior." NTA.

That_UsrNm_Is_Taken said:

NTA. This makes me think of the saying, “Honesty without compassion is cruelty” and BIL just uses “honesty” as an excuse to be cruel. It’s also very Interesting how sister and BIL want to set boundaries and expect things that offend them not to be done and yet don’t consider their behavior should change when they’re offending others. I would ask sister to reflect on this.

I would also gaslight her the way I’m sure they have gaslit you and say things like, “I’m just being myself.” “I made him cookies…that’s a nice thing!” “I’m just kidding…can’t he take a joke."

Kattiaria said:

NTA. I'm on the spectrum and I can be rude when I'm not meaning to but telling someone that just got cheated on its cause they are unattractive. My goodness that made me cringe so hard I pulled my back out.

Kami_Sang said:

NTA - fair play. He can dish it but not take it. Your sister too.

Better-Turnover2783 said:

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Hopefully he's learning if he doesn't want to be retaliated against and be the butt of the joke, he needs to either censor his talk and be civil or just keep his mouth shut. NTA.