Woman 'goes off' on husband who 'needed a break,' 'he planned New Year's without me and the kids.' AITA?

"AITA for going off at my husband after finding out he planned to spend New Year's without me and the kids?"

Okay, so this is going to be long, but I really need to know if I’m being crazy here. I (F, 30) have been married to my husband (M, 32) for 7 years, and we have two kids, ages 5 and 3. We’ve always spent New Year’s together as a family. I love the time we get to just be with the kids and enjoy each other’s company. It's honestly one of the few times I feel like we can all slow down and just be present.

So, this year, I was in the mood to clean out my husband’s car. It’s a complete mess he’s the kind of guy who just throws stuff in there, and I’ve been meaning to clean it out for weeks. Anyway, as I’m cleaning, I find something I did not expect.

A flight ticket. I thought it was maybe an old one, but then I looked closer. It was for a flight on New Year’s Eve. My first thought was, “That can’t be right.” So I checked the details and realized...he booked a trip. A trip without me or the kids. And it’s to go away with his friends.

At first, I was like, “Wait, what? He’s going away without telling me?” I was honestly in shock. I felt like the world was spinning for a second. I mean, we’ve been together for 7 years, and we’ve always spent New Year’s as a family. I get that he wants time with his friends, but New Year’s? Really? It felt like such a slap in the face.

I went up to him and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going away?” He just looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I was going to surprise you.” And that’s when I lost it. I felt so stupid for not knowing, for not being in the loop on something so big.

I said, “A surprise? You didn’t think it was a big deal that you’re going away on New Year’s? Without even talking to me about it?” I just kept going. “You seriously thought it’d be fine to leave me with the kids while you go off and have fun?”

He got defensive and said he was just trying to do something nice for himself, that he needed a break, and that I was overreacting. But honestly, I couldn’t stop myself. I told him he was being selfish and inconsiderate. I’ve been the one holding down the fort, planning everything for the holidays, taking care of the kids, and he just planned this big trip without saying a word to me.

I feel like I’m going crazy, but I was so mad I told him maybe we should just call it quits if he couldn’t see how messed up this was. I didn’t mean it, but in that moment, I felt completely blindsided and disrespected.

I feel like if he cared, he would’ve at least mentioned it. We’re supposed to be a team, right? But it felt like he just left me out of the whole decision, like I wasn’t even worth telling.

He’s been apologizing nonstop, saying he didn’t mean to hurt me and that he just wanted a break. But honestly, I’m still so upset. I just can’t shake the feeling that he chose to go without me and the kids, and that really stings. So, AITA for going off at him like that? Or am I being too sensitive? Should I just suck it up and let him have his trip?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

fallingintopolkadots said:

NTA. It's SUPER weird that he didn't talk to you about it first. A surprise would have been "Hey, I planned a nice romantic night out for us and arranged a sitter for the kids," not "Hey, I'm leaving on a vacation tomorrow morning, have fun with the kids. Happy new year!"

I mean, the latter would be and was a surprise, but not a good one. It honestly sounds downright suspicious to have planned to just let you know last minute, or just...go.

Hefty-Equivalent6581 said:

NTA. Buuut…he’s going to meet someone. He was never going to tell you, he was just going to go and let you find out last min. Better to ask for forgiveness then permission. I believe he has someone waiting for him.

You should prepare for this. If he’s never done stuff like this before, it’s a massive red flag. He could take a break at anytime without it being on New Years flying to another city solo.

celery-mouse said:

NTA, but your husband sure is. And he may be apologizing, but it doesn't sound like he understands what he actually did wrong.

Fercuakk said:

I’d say you’re definitely NTA. He should know how to handle communication better and if he needed to take a break, he should have known to come talk to you first.

Baby_Bladez said:

NTA. Let me get this straight...HIS idea of a “surprise” is secretly ditching you and the kids on New Year’s Eve to go party with his friends? That’s not a surprise, that’s an escape plan. lol.

jrm1102 said:

NTA - You guys are married and have kids. He shouldn’t be booking trips without checking with you first. So yes, you’re absolutely fine to be upset about that. However, it is fine if he needs some alone time and time away with friends. You’re fine to do that too. It just requires communication and planning.