Woman is 'grossed out' over nearly everything her husband does. AITA?

"40F grossed out over nearly everything my husband (40M) does. How do I get over it?"

I (40F), and my husband (40M) have been together since high school. We have built a financially stable, and respectful relationship. He is a great father, and role model to our young children. He does equal share around the house (laundry, cooking, parenting, etc).

Over the past 3-5 years, I’m continuously finding him less and less attractive. We’ve been to counseling together over this. And we’ve had many peaceful conversations but nothing seems to improve (from my perspective).

I’m going to list a few examples (and before the internet jumps on me saying these things are stupid, please understand we’ve been together for a long time, and all the little things eventually snowball into big things).

He forgets about 70% of our conversations. I’m having to give him reminder receipts on everything we’ve talked about. He snores while awake- Literally. His face and hair smell so bad (to me, anyways. I’m pretty sure it’s just his bodily oils). When he wants attention, he gets really immature and starts talking in a baby voice.

He leaves boogers, and skin flakes in/around the sink. I could go on with more examples, but let’s not keep you here forever. We have talked about every single one of these things, and more. If there could be a medical issue, he’s been to a doctor. Everything is fixable but it’s not being fixed.

I know I’m not perfect. But these things seem to irritate me to my core. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, bashing my head through a wall. That’s dramatic but I feel desperate. This cannot be the rest of my life. How do I get over this? Or what can we further do so we can live happily the rest of our lives?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

I’m thankful for EVERYONE’S comments. I think a lot of us are finding community, and can resonate with one another. Even in the disagreements, there’s quite a bit of valuable information.

There’s a lot of actionable items I am considering as I plan my next move. More medical checkups/specialist appointments, therapy, HRT, big girl conversations, etc. Many balls are up in the air, and I will come back to do an update once I have the ducks in a row.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

nutmegtell said:

Snoring while awake is very concerning. If he has sleep apnea it could affect his memory and other executive functions. Encourage him to see his doctor asap. Hopefully an easy fix!

Big_Nail_3081 said:

I’m sorry, a grown man leaving boogers anywhere is unconscionable. I wouldn’t be able to get past that ick alone.

guineapickle said:

A friend had a husband who was always kind of vague but then seemed to get a LOT more forgetful. Turns out he had secretly become addicted to pain pills. His wife NEVER suspected, until he finally confessed.

Blue-Phoenix23 said:

Um, just so you know, there's no law that you have to find attractive anything somebody is or does just because you happened to marry them a long time ago. When y'all went to counseling, to the doctors, did he actually make any plans to change his nasty habits?

To address whatever is causing him to have the memory of a flea, and the Darth Vader breathing and stopping this BS with the baby voice (gag). It sounds like he didn't used to have these issues, and they aren't medical, so at that point they're lifestyle choices.

So you've got a combination problem - he's gross and he doesn't seem to give AF how you feel about it. We don't have the magic words that will trick your brain into not giving a about this stuff either, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work like that - you can try to keep shoving down these feelings and pretending they don't exist for the sake of maintaining the status quo, but someday you WILL lose it.

If he's not going to change things, you have to. You can't let your children grow up watching this farce of a marriage as normal, and you can't let yourself go slowly crazy living like this. You need to put your foot down to your husband that he needs to treat his home and his body like he's trying to impress somebody (you) or you're going to leave. And mean it.

Total_Ride5218 said:

Girl, bless your heart! I would totally be sick of it. That’s disgusting and I would definitely be turned of. That’s just nasty of him.

MashTheGash2018 said:

Desire isn’t negotiable. If you aren’t attracted to him you aren’t going to wake up one day and feel different