Woman hides junk food from BF, he says 'I'm not a child', woman says 'yes you are.'
Relationships are a constant negotiation, whether about how you show affection, who takes care of what obligations, or how money is spent. Couples have to navigate their partner's wants constantly and needs with their own to create the rules they will operate by.
On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A#*hole Subreddit, one woman takes her BF's snack consumption into her thread.
She writes:
So my boyfriend (44M) and I (43F) have lived together for years. We don’t have kids. We’re very happy and have good communication. There is one issue that drives me nuts.
We use a joint account to buy food for us, usually shopping together a few times a month, and then one of us picks up things here and there. I cook dinner almost every night, and we don’t eat a ton of junk, but occasionally I’ll buy things we love for a weekend or indulge here and there.
The issue is that I go to bed early, and he stays up late- and goes full ham on any junk food we have on any night of the week. I’m talking an entire family-size bag of chips and the entire container of queso- gone in one sitting that I was saving for Friday margaritas.
I went to make us root beer floats with the quart of ice cream and two liters of soda, and they were gone from shopping two days prior. He doesn’t ever replace things; he gives me a sheepish smile when I ask where the rest of something is, knowing that he ate it all.
So last night, after cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, I put all the candy, chips, and anything shelf stable in a different place where he wouldn’t find them. He went ballistic after I went to bed that all the 'good' food was gone (even though I had just cooked a nice dinner). I told him, 'Welcome to my world,' as this is constantly happening when I go to have anything that’s been purchased!
He said I was treating him like a child, and I said he was acting like one. I don’t care that he indulges, but finishing off every bit of something that’s been bought for us both to enjoy is getting really old. It’s not a weight or money thing- I want him to leave one portion for me, or maybe we can enjoy together!
So until he can show some willpower, I told him I wouldn’t be keeping any junk food around for him to gorge on unless it’s something he’s purchased from his account.
Part of me thinks this is just funny, which is why I might be the AH- but I think he needs to figure out how to share, not consume the entire lot in one sitting, or buy his treats.
Willpower is a skill.
mizfit0416 says:
NTA (Not the A%&hole) - He has NO willpower when it comes to junk food.
violetauto says:
NTA. Ok, my husband of 25 years cannot control himself around certain foods. E.G., We have to make him his pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. I say, 'This pie is yours. Once it is gone, it’s gone. You are not allowed to touch the other one.'
The kids will often find the last butterscotch krimpet gone when saving it. Thin Mints also have to be clearly labeled with names. It’s such a pain. But for the most part, my husband respects these boundaries. He may sneak a cookie or two but doesn’t eat all of it.
You have two choices if your BF can’t respect a boundary like a stapled-shut bag with 'Save for Saturday' on it. Number one, don’t buy stuff until Saturday morning. Number two, hide the food and ignore his rants. It sounds like #1 won’t work.
You can try it, but perhaps a cabinet with a lock on it or hiding the food is the only way to save you multiple shopping trips and spending extra money on food. And not for nothing, your BF could have disordered eating. He should be able to control himself better than that.
debdnow says:
NTA: This is a post I'd expect about a 20-something, not a 40-something grown a$# man. If he wants to overeat late at night, he must use his funds to buy whatever makes him happy. The fact he takes everything and leaves absolutely nothing for you is disrespectful.
He might have an eating disorder where he has to finish what he starts (that's for a doctor to decide), but not replacing the food he's eating is not okay.
OP, if he doesn't get his act together hide his video games too!