Woman hires a private investigator to follow her BF because his 'work wife' gives her bad vibes. AITA?
"AITA for hiring a private investigator to follow my boyfriend because his 'work wife' gives me bad vibes?"
So, here’s the deal. I (26F) boyfriend (28M) has a “work wife.” At first, I thought it was no big deal, even kinda cute that he had a friend at work he could vent to and joke around with. But lately, I’ve noticed he’s been talking about her a lot. He’ll mention things she said, funny jokes they shared, and even how she “totally gets him.”
And to make things worse, he’s been working late and going to more “after-work drinks” than usual. I confronted him a couple of times about it, and he laughed it off, saying I was being paranoid. So I decided to, uh…hire a private investigator to see if there was more going on. I honestly didn’t think I’d find anything—I just wanted peace of mind.
Turns out, they went out for dinner last Friday after work. My boyfriend told me he was “wrapping up a project,” but he was at a nice restaurant with her! When I confronted him with the evidence, he was furious, saying I had crossed a line and invaded his privacy.
He insists it was an innocent dinner and that he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d “freak out.” Now he’s barely speaking to me, and a couple of friends I told think I went way overboard. But I just had a gut feeling, you know? AITA for hiring the PI?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
metchadupa said:
OP pack your bags and dont say another word to him. Watch how quick he changes his tune.
Super_Nobody4541 said:
NTA, He's legit cheating what you did was really out out suspicion, that's like started way long and both of them are just doing it like infront of everyone. It's shocking for him to tell you that your paranoid. I can try to understand what u are going through. Taking this other one to a private dinner calling it work and on being confronted calling it "crossing a line". That's a red flag.
Leftturn0619 said:
You had a feeling he was cheating and you are probably right. Friday night dinner with a coworker is inappropriate.
1stofallhowdareewe said:
NTA. If someone is doing something in a relationship and doesn't tell you because "you would freak out" or "not like it" are doing something wrong. He should not be having dinners alone with some other woman especially if you don't know about it. He freaked out on you because he knows he is in the wrong.
He is absolutely cheating even if it isn't physical. But he won't stop, and the friends that are claiming you went overboard likely know about the cheating so they are just trying to help him gaslight you. He made it clear being "friends" with her matters more than your feelings. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
Sheshcoco said:
He cheated, got caught and now he’s doing what all cheaters do, gaslighting you to make himself look like the victim. Going out to dinner in a “nice restaurant” with another woman is not appropriate behavior for someone in a relationship. When was the last time he took you out for a nice meal? Dump his a$$ and stop letting him make a fool out of you. NTA.
neverfearc%vid said:
NTA. How can being in public possibly be a breach of privacy? Also, your friends are right, you went way overboard. You knew what you would find, just dump your bf and trade up.
WinAccomplished4111 said:
He's mad you caught him cheating. Instead of worrying about him being mad at you, you need to decide what your next move is.
Charming_Caramel_303 said:
NTA he’s just mad he got busted. He isn’t worth it. Move on, and be happy