Woman is honest with sister: 'she's being unreasonable about wedding plans.' AITA? 'She FLIPPED out.'

"AITA for telling my sister she's being unreasonable about her wedding plans?"

So, my sister (28) is getting married in a few months, and she’s been super stressed about planning everything. I totally get it; weddings can be a lot to handle. But honestly, lately, she’s been kind of a nightmare.

First, she decided she wants this huge wedding with like 200 people, and she's insisting that everyone who has ever crossed paths with her should be invited, including distant relatives we barely know. Ugh, it feels excessive. I told her maybe she should think about keeping it smaller to save money and stress.

But she flipped out, saying it’s her day and she should be able to invite who she wants. I get that; it’s her wedding, but I also feel like she’s not considering how it affects the rest of us, especially her bridesmaids, who are also her friends.

Then, she went on this rant about how I need to pay for my own dress because it’s not her responsibility to cover that cost either. I mean, isn't it kind of traditional for the bride to help out her girls a bit? I tried to talk to her about it, saying I’d happily chip in for a dress that’s more affordable, but she basically told me to suck it up.

I might be overreacting, but I really felt like she’s just losing sight of what’s supposed to be a happy occasion. So, I kinda snapped and told her she was being unreasonable and selfish. Ugh, I hated saying that, but I felt like she needed a reality check before she lost more friendships because of this wedding.

Now she's barely talking to me, and my mom thinks I went too far. Am I the jerk for speaking my mind about her wedding planning or did I just hit a nerve? I really don’t know if I should apologize or stand my ground.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

WarmAcanthaceae9474 said:

YTA. There's a very simple solution to your issues; don't be a bridesmaid. If you can't deal with the responsibility, or can't afford the dress (or don't want to spend that much on a possible one-time dress) then be honest about that and drop out as a bridesmaid and just be a regular guest.

Yernar125 said:

YTA - I don't get why you think she's being a nightmare. All she did was say she can invite who she wants, which is true. Why does the number of guests affect you, and does that even matter? And she said that you need to pay for your dress, which I think happens a lot. I'm a gay man so don't know much about bridesmaid dresses and weddings but I assume it's not unusual for the bridesmaid to pay.

Boobookittyfhk said:

I’m not seeing how the guest size affects the price for the bridesmaids. I’ve been a large weddings with very simple dresses and I’ve been to small weddings that budgeted mostly for fancier detail details. People budget due to their priorities.

She wishes to allocate her budget to spend the day with the people she wishes to share the day with. As someone who thinks that weddings are a complete and utter waste of money, at least this is a more honorable intention than most we are given.

Boobookittyfhk said:

Your sister simply wishes to share the day with people that she thinks cares about her and would like to support her. She wants to feel loved and valued by other people, like anyone else in this world does. Nothing you said indicates that she’s doing any of this due to a selfishness.

Would you expect her to help you with your wedding or pay for your dress? Would you cut down on your wedding dreams and expectations just so that they could fit your sisters?

YTA you can’t demand things from other people that you’re not willing to give yourself. Your sister is only asked for basic bridesmaid responsibilities that are pretty standard for everyone. For some reason you’re making it about yourself.

Snapple_Wapple_Apple said:

YTA. It’s her wedding, if she wants to invite 1000 guests, it’s none of your business. You’re not even paying or contributing to the wedding. If you cannot afford to be a bridesmaid, step down. It’s HER wedding. Stop making the event about you.

Defiant_Blueberry_44 said:

YTA. It’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants. I don’t see the correlation between wedding size and effect on bridesmaids. That makes no sense. If you’re unhappy with what she is doing don’t be a bridesmaid but you don’t have the right to dictate her wedding.