Woman hosts a 'No Turkey' Thanksgiving, 'I ruined the day by pushing my agenda.' AITA?
"AITA for hosting a 'No Turkey' Thanksgiving Dinner?"
I (29F) volunteered to host Thanksgiving this year for my family. I’ve been trying to cook more sustainably, and one of the big changes I’ve made is reducing my consumption of large-scale meat products. I love Thanksgiving, but the idea of preparing a big turkey didn’t feel right for me.
So, I came up with an alternative menu: roasted veggie wellington, an assortment of sides like sweet potato casserole, green bean almondine, cranberry sauce, stuffing (with veggie broth), and a pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. I put a lot of thought into making it festive and delicious, and when I sent the menu out in our family group chat a few weeks ago, I didn’t get much of a reaction.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving Day. Everyone arrived, and while most of the family seemed excited to try the food, my uncle (62M) and his wife (59F) were visibly upset. Uncle John kept making snide comments like, “Thanksgiving without turkey is like Christmas without presents.” His wife wouldn’t touch any of the food and made a point of eating the granola bar she brought “just in case.”
I stayed polite, explained my reasons for skipping the turkey, and even joked that this meal meant they had extra room for dessert. But the tension didn’t go away. Later, I overheard Uncle John ranting to my mum, saying I “ruined” Thanksgiving by pushing my “agenda.” Mum doesn’t care about the menu and told him to relax, but now I feel conflicted. Was it selfish to skip the turkey? Should I have compromised?
Here's what top commenteres had to say about this one:
elderpricetag said:
YTA, coming from someone who was a vegetarian for over a decade. Not only did you not provide turkey on a holiday where it’s very clearly expected, you didn’t even provide a protein substitute, so you knew your guests would be leaving hungry. That’s horrible hosting and absolutely selfish.
Don’t offer to host Thanksgiving if you’re anti-Turkey. Let someone who will cook the Turkey host and then bring a tasty vegetarian side dish. You owe everyone who came to dinner a major apology.
Katiew84 said:
YTA. Today wasn’t the day for this. There’s 364 other days in a year to “cook more sustainably.” Thanksgiving, and when you’re hosting guests with reasonable expectations, isn’t the time or place for it. With that said, nobody spoke up beforehand. They should have, and I don’t know why they didn’t. But you’re still the AH.
pattycakess__ said:
YTA for volunteering to cook dinner when you knew that people were likely expecting something you specifically would never make (The traditional Thanksgiving dinner). It doesn't matter that you sent a menu out in advance, Thanksgiving dinner is based around a turkey, or in some cases a ham. This is not a new revelation.
If you don't agree with the consumption of large meat products then you just shouldn't have volunteered to cook the meal! Maybe volunteer to cook the sides and a veggie main, but state that someone else will need to handle the turkey because as a vegetarian, you won't cook animal protein.
There were other options and you only cared about your own comfort rather than the holiday and family traditions.
GhostPantherAssualt said:
YTA. You didn't discuss it with everyone at Thanksgiving, you definitely didn't give a proper heads up. No. Sending it through the family group chat doesn't help because people are busy.
My mom didn't see that I was sick this year and I couldn't come to thanksgiving when I put the news on in our family group chat on Wednesday. My mom still asked at 8 PM hey are you coming over to do the ham.
I had to explain that I am dealing with my throat being sore and my dad has a major issue towards being sick these days. I had to CALL people. So no OP, you kinda blind screw them on the most unsustainable time of the year next to christmas.
Also for the love of god, you could've did a ham if you felt this bad about eating scale form of large meat products due to the fact that there was so many hams on the market it was almost criminal to let them stay in the meat aisle.
Mr_TP_Dingleberry said:
YTA - it’s pretty normal to expect turkey ham or some other main dish that is meat based at Thanksgiving. While their behavior is rude, your job as the host is to provide something for everyone, not push your agenda. Wrong time wrong place. You could’ve just not hosted. This feels purposeful and a gotcha moment. Very passive aggressive.