Woman humiliates mom in front of family about 'child support dilemma.' AITA?

When this woman is annoyed with her mother, she asks the internet:

"AITA for humiliating my mom when I informed her family she is behind on child support?"

Some readers are acting like my mom was 16 and forced to be a stay at home parents. She went to college, she worked until I was born ( so 7-9 years)

My parents divorced when I was around 7. In total they had four kids and I am the oldest.

They did not have a happy marriage and my mom had a horrible time getting a job after (edit: she is an accountant, I think it took her about a year to get a good job, after the divorce. She makes more than dad now. Beofre that she was doing fast food until she got something)

She was a SAHM. They had 50/50 custody for a while. Overall living with her was difficult. When I was old enough to pick where I wanted to live I chose my dad. My siblings have also chose to live with dad when they were old enough.

Anyways she was ordered to pay child support, since we live with dad. I am 19 (F)and only see her for holidays/family events for the most part. A while ago I asked my dad if she actually pays it and he told me no. He also shows how much she owns. She made like three payments in 5 years

This weekend, all the kids went to the family gathering. My mother was going on about how awful my dad is and basically she is the better parent. Really it started a hate train with her family and I had enoguh.

I told the whole group that my mother is behind on her child support. This was a shock to them and my mom was pissed. Everyone was questioning her and in the car ride home we got into an argument. She thinks I was being a huge jerk, my dad thinks it is hilarious but I know he doesn’t like her.

Let's see what readers thought:

daghay7 writes:

NTA I think it's a shame that you even had the information but she should have not been dissing him like that in front of everyone. Likewise, Dad should not have felt the need to slam her by telling you. I've been in the middle myself and I told both that I don't want to hear any of it.

They BOTH made the marriage bad and I refused to listen to them bash one another. Any time one parent says or does something pointing out the negative things of the other, they are wrong.

I realize you couldn't live with mom but unless there is more you haven't told us she was as miserable with him, as he was with her. That usually takes two. Dad should not be telling you things as she shouldn't either.

mamaou writes:

YTA. Stay out of it. You did it to humiliate and shame your mom. Obviously you don't like her but that is besides the point. Stuff like this is your dad's responsibility to handle.

flaky writes:

NTA. Have you thought about what the motivation was of your dad telling you mom was behind in payments? While he doesn’t have to protect her, he should foster respect and love between mom/kids unless she’s abusive to them.

It’s seems like your dad shared this information to have you look past his shortcomings as dad. That’s a manipulation tactic and not cool. If you were no longer dependent on him and he shared this news, I’d feel different.

Your mom, on the other hand, had inexcusable behavior in that group. She should rant privately to her besties or her therapist.

I’d suggest you, as a young adult, hold your parents accountable. You have the authority to do so and is best in the moment. “Mom, your behavior is inappropriate and you need to stop.” “Dad, what do you want me to do with this information? What’s your motivation? How do you want me to feel about mom?

Your parents can do better. Good luck!

tranquil writes:

I'm going to have to go with ESH, you are all behaving immaturely.

It is curious however that you seems to want to include a lot of details that paint your father as the only wronged party in the divorce but don't include other details. In your comments you state that your mother wasn't the one that wanted the divorce and then go on to list all of the things that she got in the divorce.

Do you think she shouldn't have not gotten anything in the divorce considering she gave up her career to be a SAHM with 4 kids aged 7 and under? You say it was difficult living with her but don't go on to explain why.

Look, you're an adult now. It's time to have a serious conversation with your mom and workout all of this resentment on both sides.

sigasa writes:

NTA. When you talk shit about someone to make yourself look better, don't be shocked when someone that knows the truth blows up your bullshit. Honestly, I don't know what your father is thinking allowing her to get away with this.

Speaking as someone that pays every time, on time... It really pisses me off to see someone not only failing to meet their obligations, but being allowed to get away with it on top of talking shit like that. It's no wonder you all chose to live with your father.