Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Woman's husband of 9 years vanishes 1 year after they 'become homeless.' AITA? UPDATED 5X

Woman's husband of 9 years vanishes 1 year after they 'become homeless.' AITA? UPDATED 5X

ADVERTISING

When this woman is devastated by her husband's disappearance, she asks the internet:

"My husband deserted me without a word. AITA?"

I'm still reeling from this and just need to vent. My (48F) husband (50M) and I have been homeless for about a year after he was fired from his job but staying in motels. I do work online and have been able to keep a roof over our heads.

He hasn't worked in a year. So on Tuesday, when he said he had a job interview, I was excited. He walked since the truck broke down and was sold.

He said he needed both phones for numbers, so I gave it to him not thinking anything about it, especially since I could still get in touch with him with Text now.

After about an hour, he texted me and said he got the job and just had to fill out paperwork and get his drug test and would only be a couple of hours. Then I saw 3 expenses on the bank card in the county over and knew something wasn't right.

Those couple of hours turned into that night, the next morning. He not only wasn't answering my texts or calls, but he blocked me completely. He had both phones, both bank account cards, and my valid ID.

Before I had a chance to cancel the cards because it was my money on there, he had pretty much wiped out the account. I still had a few days left at the motel, so called around. My dog, cat, and I are safe at the moment, and I opened new bank accounts but have to wait on the cards to arrive.

But, we can't stay here forever. I'm hoping the card arrives soon and I can get my ID done so we can get back into a motel, which is the only option at the moment until I can build up enough money for rent deposit, etc. and find a cheap apartment or house.

I do have a paycheck coming Thursday, though I'm not sure what to do after Monday when I can no longer stay where I am.

As far as I know, my husband is with another woman. He contacted his brother just long enough to say he was safe but wouldn't give an answer why. We've been married for 9 years but started dating back in 1988. We weren't arguing and I thought everything was fine.

Not a word, and I'm just devastated. I just can't fathom why he just left me and our pets like that with no access to money and tried to clean it completely out, a vehicle, or even a live phone. He knew that most likely we would be out on the streets, but luckily, we did find a temporary haven for a few days.

I guess he just found a piece of ass he wanted more than someone who supported him and was loyal through these bad times. I figure he found another woman with more money or something who could take care of him like I did.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

camrr writes:

Wish I had words that could make this better or improve in any way whatsoever. All I can say is I wish you the best truly and I hope your situation improves soon. Sounds like since you have a job you should be able to get things back on track soon.

Also I don't know if you know this already or not but hotels are typically a lot more money than renting a place. Your situation probably dictates that but just thought I'd throw it out there.

I stayed in a bunch of hotels last year and holy crap they were expensive and the cheap ones were just awful. So I hope you can find a permanent place to stay soon.

filterbadd writes:

Gather bank statements, work pay slips that factually support the deposits in your bank account exclusively being from your work/employer, text messages, screenshots of his FB (including sections including the person with whom he is having an affair), and find a Family Law Attorney.

If you can find one who has experience with financial fraud and identity theft, that would be a boon.

Many states have spousal abandonment laws of some sort. Some states also have laws that specifically stipulate that if a cheating partner uses joint finances to fund an affair, they owe money back to their former partner in restitution.

That he took your legal ID and emptied your accounts also opens him to arguments about identity theft. You need an Attorney for your state, who can guide you through your plethora of options.

truthjuice writes:

Girllll, do not give in when he inevitably comes crawling back. You can do bad by yourself. I went through dealing with someone who was not working. I was paying all the bills. I grew to dislike him so much. Stopped talking to him. Moved into the other bedroom.

That last year, he finally got a job and started paying all of the bills. All I paid was the phone bill. I paid off my car and saved my money. Still barely talked to him. He started talking to someone and finally said if I didn't want to work it out, then he was going to leave. I said good luck.

I wish you the best. He left, and I stayed in our apartment. I ended up moving into an apartment closer to my job paying $300 more. I was able to pay the bills and save money, whereas when I was with him, I was struggling with each pay period, having to pawn things and do oay day loans.

All of that stopped after he left. Years later, he reached out on fb and apologized for how he treated me, but I had nothing to say. That part of my life was over, and it opened my eyes to what I would never put up with.

haha8 writes:

Gather bank statements, work pay slips that factually support the deposits in your bank account exclusively being from your work/employer, text messages, screenshots of his FB (including sections including the person with whom he is having an affair), and find a Family Law Attorney.

If you can find one who has experience with financial fraud and identity theft, that would be a boon.

Many states have spousal abandonment laws of some sort. Some states also have laws that specifically stipulate that if a cheating partner uses joint finances to fund an affair, they owe money back to their former partner in restitution.

That he took your legal ID and emptied your accounts also opens him to arguments about identity theft. You need an Attorney for your state, who can guide you through your plethora of options.

romaniko writes:

I’m glad you divorced him too. I hope you excel with your writing. I always encouraged my ex wife to write and write and finish the 5 dollar slaughter books she was writing.

I hope she gets somewhere like I’m sure you will too. I’ve lost everything since she’s left.

And I feel like someone who’s smart has done everything they could in preventing us being together ever again and Subtlety like a Hansel and gretyl concept lead me to my own demise out of my sheer desperation to tell her how wrong I was in our marriage and how sorry I was.

Every post I’ve made in Reddit doing this just to get the weight off my shoulders and move on with my life. Has been flagged for spam/deletion and have been banned too. I haven’t posted anything derogatory and have to have to accounts.

My first one Getadictionaryfan95 is probably one she would definitely recognize. I guess Gods will is that I remain in exile. And that’s ok. She deserves all the peace, love and serenity that she can get. Especially with the type of asshole I was towards her.

And now, OP's update:

All of my family are deceased, and the one person I could call is helping me right now but can't stay for more than a couple of days. We've had to move so many times because he couldn't keep a job or wanted to try someplace new, I think I became really isolated from everyone.

I thought another friend was going to help, but they said they thought about it and didn't want any drama at their house if he decided to show up, which I can't blame them. It's pretty much just me, the dog, and the cat."

Many people tell OOP that he doesn't deserve her and that he's a POS: "Thank you. I've been thinking a lot the past few days and have started to think/realize he was using me to support him.

I lost one writing job last month and just started another one this month. I guess he didn't think I'd be able to support him. He left before he knew that I'm actually going to be making more money than before. I just have to wait until the first pay on Thursday."

Check your accounts to make sure he can't access: "I canceled the cards and signed up for a new account in just my name and changed my direct deposit. If he thinks he's going to get any more of my money after what he did, he's delusional."

He doesn't have a drug problem. But his new Facebook profile he made yesterday just came across my recommendations.

I'm leaving it for now so he doesn't block me before I can contact a lawyer. I do see where he is and who he's with, and now it's starting to at least make some sense.

Yeah, they are super expensive. I was trying to save up but that got wiped. With just me and without someone who likes to spend whatever money he gets right away, I should be able to save up in no time.

ETA: He loves people when they can give him things but as soon as they question him or can't be of use, he disposes of them. I thought I was immune to that. Guess not."

A heavily downvoted commenter asks how she possibly could have no savings after being together 35 years:

"I have a job, he didn't. I've had the same job for 14 years. And I have taken care of us waiting for him to find another job. We had savings but when he got fired we went through a lot of it pretty quick.

I don't need to stay at a shelter. After I get my paycheck Thursday to recoup some of what he cleaned out I'll be fine and my pets will be fine. It's just getting through the next few days. Then I'll be better than ever. We were Off and on since 1988 but got married 9 years ago.

Update 2:

First of all, I would like to thank you for everyone's kind words of encouragement and advice. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to everyone.

Myself and my pets are still safe. My new bank cards should be coming in today or tomorrow. With my paycheck on Thursday, I get to move into a studio apartment I found! It's small but bigger than a motel room and has a kitchen.

They allow pets and even have a little fenced-in dog play area. I'm still working to beef up my paycheck for the deposits and food. After I get settled in, I do have an appointment with legal aid counseling for the area.

So, things are definitely looking up, and I really feel like I've got this and can take care of myself. Where I work has announced that there will be a huge increase in work available and should continue through the next year.

And if it even tries to contact me, I'm not buying anything he says especially if he tries to weasel his way back in. He can talk to my lawyer.

Update 3:

Not a word, and it's been a week. At this point, I don't even want to hear from him. Knowing him, he may try to contact me within a few weeks and say he deserves to explain himself.

You know, after his side piece or whoever he's with finds out who he really is. And, I'll tell him I and the cat and dog deserved to not be put in the situation he put me in but whatcha going to do? He deserves nothing."

Make sure he can't find you: "Yeah. Someone suggested maybe getting a PO box. I'll ask the lawyer about it when I speak to them next week."

Hopefully his family is not supporting his bad behavior: "The family members I've spoken to have completely cut him off. They said they had hoped he would grow up, but they find this situation disgusting and they won't give him any help if he comes asking."

It was a joint account. I did contact the police but they said since his name is on the account, it is a civil matter. So, it's something I'll have to talk about when I speak with the lawyer. I have all documentation showing that the only deposits were coming from my paycheck, so hopefully, I'll be able to get at least half back.

I have direct deposit information for the accounts showing where the money came from and screenshots of his last transactions.

Update 4:

I just wanted to give another, and hopefully, final update. I still haven't heard from him, but I don't want to, and the lawyer I speak with on Thursday can take over tracking him down.

I and the furballs are in our new apartment, safe and sound! It took a lot of hard work and every penny I had from my paycheck, but we made it! I still need to get furniture, but we have a roof, and that's a great start.

We're going to be all right, I know it. And, even though I need time to know and love myself again and heal, it was kind of a confidence boost to be flirted with by a couple of the neighbors. lol

Thank you for all of your support, love, and kindness through these past couple of weeks!

I have noticed that I am starting to feel happier than I have for a while. Now that the drama has died down, I'm enjoying the peace! It was hard to push through, but since I didn't have to worry about him, everything seemed to fall into place.

All this time, I thought it was my fault for not making enough to get us into a place. Found out, it wasn't.

Make sure you file for legal separation: I meet with the lawyer on Thursday so will probably cover that then. The first step was to get into a stable place. The next step is to see what all I need to do legally.

Update 5:

I thought that the last post would be my last update, but I know many people were concerned about me seeing a lawyer, which I did today. The retainer won't be too bad, but it will need to wait until next week for payday. But, it's the beginning of the next step.

And, I did hear from him! I received a short email, which was the only way he knew how to get in touch, which just said, "Sorry. How are you?" It took a lot out of me not to respond because there is still a lot of hurt and grief I'm processing.

But, I'm proud to say that I just sent a message back with the number of the law office I was going to, then created a filter to send future messages to the trash. It hurt, but it felt good at the same time.

I truly want to say thank you for all of your kindness and support during this time. I have had several people reach out and messaged me to share similar experiences, and it breaks my heart to know that this has happened to so many other women and men.

After a few people mentioned it, I did create a folder for any of his messages to filter into so that I can keep and forward them to the lawyer. At the moment, I didn't even think about that. Thanks for the advice!

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content