Woman's husband goes on a date just days before their wedding; 'Nothing happened, I just HAD to be SURE!' AITA? UPDATED 2X

When this woman is upset with her husband, she asks the internet:

"My husband went on a date a week before we got married to make sure? AITA for shutting him out?"

His ex was always “the one who got away” according to everyone around him. He ended things because he didn’t see a future with her but everyone around him was shocked because she’s so good and beautiful.

Then we met and I soon understood that everyone from his side preferred her. I even heard some call me the Camilla, although I am neither much older nor less attractive (in my opinion, I love how I look even if I don’t tick all of the beauty boxes like tall, blonde, blue eyes etc like his ex).

He never given me any reason to doubt him however. He gave me the impression that he knew exactly what he wanted. Was secure enough in his heart that he told me he loved me a few months into our relationship and I never felt like he was lying or that I wasn’t enough.

He is fully aware of what people think about him leaving his ex and he gave the impression that he thought they were silly and childish. He told his mom that I am who he chosen and if she wanted a part of it, she needed to clean up her act.

We got married 3 years ago and only now I found out that he went on a date with his ex, a few days before our wedding. He wanted to know for sure that she wasn’t like everyone around him thought, the one who got away. He wanted to make 100% sure.

His mom told me gleefully when she visited our new baby and she looked at my daughter and said she wondered what would have happened if he changed his mind after that date and she was visiting their baby now. My husband and the one who got away’s.

With a sigh but gleefully. You know what I mean. I haven’t spoken to him for a week and I hate silent treatment but I just can’t talk to him. It isn’t something I am doing to punish him. Or manipulate him. Or get the upper hand and control him. I just can’t look at him or talk to him.

AITAH for this silent treatment?Edit: He was there when it happened. He told his mom to shut up. Then he admitted he went on the date and admitted the reason his mom told me was the truth.

giag27: Did he also sleep with her just to make sure. Did he try having a kid with her too just to make sure? Wtf?!?! What kind of stupidity am I reading lately here. Your husband is the AH, and your mother-in-law is a close second. I can’t believe he did that and he actually told people…..

OOP: He says he didn’t sleep with her

twopont0: Could you stay with a family member or a friend? Having some space will help you make a better decision

OOP: It doesn’t feel fair to take our daughter away from him. He is as much a new parent as I am and I wouldn’t deprive him time to be with her (she’s 10 days old) so you understand that he would want to be with her all the time. We are both obsessed with her.

drumallday: It sounds like you don't even know what transpired on this date, right? I mean, you could let your husband explain and spend the rest of his life showing you that you were always his first choice. And one way he needs to do that is cutting his nasty mother out of your lives.

OOP: I will never know for sure will I? I will only ever have his account and his mother’s account and they are the same in that he wanted to make sure he took the right decision.

My bet is that if there was something more his mother wouldn’t have hesitated in telling me the hurtful details but she too said it was because he wanted to make sure.

Anything about the ex rejecting him or me being a backup is speculations in the comments probably to add more insult to injury. Some people thrive on seeing hurt people hurt even more.

Does OOP believe her husband on the whole situation?

OOP: I don’t know. I asked him and he adamantly denied it but he confessed everything else.

I truly believe that if he did, his mother would have made sure I knew to get rid of me. So this is why I don’t know. Her not rubbing it in my face is my “truth”

Individual_Craft_808: So he told his mom to clean up her act. She clearly hasn’t. She has hurt you and probably done irreparable damage to your relationship. How is he handling that? I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please take care of yourself and your daughter.

OOP: He told her to never contact him again. I just took my baby and went to bed and they had a row in the kitchen and he told her to not contact us again. She left.

Update 2:

For original, try going to my account. I have failed to add a link here.

My husband and I have talked, well he did most of the talking and I listened. I asked him for the honest truth. He said that he got cold feet. He was panicking about why nobody saw what he saw.

He showed me texts from his family and friends up until our wedding of people asking him why he was doing this and if he really was sure. His sister said that he was making a huge mistake.

After the wedding however everyone stopped and they basically told him they respected his decision even if they couldn’t understand it. I never felt that they liked me but I have noticed that they were less intense and rude after the marriage. But starting now, “less rude” isn’t enough for me anymore.

The date was a dinner and wine. He understood it was wrong the second he sat at the table but didn’t want to just leave because it would’ve been weird and rude to ditch her when he was the one who made the dinner plans.

He didn’t tell me because he knew I would call off the wedding and think it was bigger than it was. He didn’t want to hurt me. He said that he loved me from the day we met and that never changed.

we are going NC with his sister and mother and most of his friends and family. His decision, not mine. His father is the one member that genuinely loves me. I have no problem having him in my life.

We are far from ok. I told him I needed time because we can’t make any decisions and right now we need to concentrate on our baby. I don’t want us to miss out on her first weeks.

There’s something new with her every day and I don’t want us to miss that. I don’t want this experience to be tainted with being heartbroken. I refuse to miss out on the joy my baby has brought into my life. I see therapy and counseling in the future bilut not right now. I don’t want that. Then we either come out stronger or we separate.

I am 3 years older than my husband and 8 older than his ex. To the people in my dm’s calling me ugly and jealous. I am neither. Not every girl dreams to be tall and blonde. Not every man likes tall and blonde. Only incels think the Stacy is goals and nothing else.

They broke up because my husband didn’t develop feelings for her. When he realized it wasn’t happening he ended things because he was looking for love. So no I wasn’t the backup even if many people in my previous post thought it was a good idea to call me a backup to add more insult to injury. (What kind of satisfaction do you get from that?)

catstaffer329: Wow, that is a horrible blow at a vulnerable time. Is he right in assuming that if he told you back then, you would have called off the wedding? It is a valid question because it may help you sort out where you are now. Just remember, if the wedded relationship doesn't work for you for any reason, it is okay to be gracious co-parents.

I am so sorry that happened to you and delighted that you have a baby to love and cherish. I wish you peace and joy going forward.

OOP: I would absolutely have called off the wedding

Open-Incident-3601: Even if you forgive that he hid it from YOU, he clearly didn’t hide it from his mom. He clearly discussed the date with her. She knew at wedding, she knew every time you saw her. He handed a weapon to your enemy and she used it when you were most vulnerable with your newborn.

OOP: She suggested he would meet his ex. I don’t know why she never told me before now. She doesn’t like me at all. She had her chance to tell me before the wedding and we would have called it off. I will never get it

These-Process-7331: Out of curiosity: do you know why so many people from his side were against him dating you?

Race? Money? Him looking like superman and you like an obese crackaddict!? 1 or 2 superficial idiots I could understand, but multiple!?????

OOP: I guess they think nobody leave (the ex) for someone like me. The sister is close friends with the ex so I understand her. The rest, I don’t understand