Woman's husband threatens divorce after paternity test; 'I didn't cheat! We are SUING the hospital where I gave birth.' AITA? UPDATED 3X (WITH'S HUSBAND'S POV)
When this woman is completely confused by the results of her husband's paternity test, she asks the internet:
"My husband took a paternity test for our daughter, and now he wants a divorce. AITA?"
I don't know how it happened and I haven't been able to stop crying all day. I never cheated. I love my husband, we've been together since college and he's the love of my life, he's handsome and kind and while I've slept with two other people, both were before we got together.
There is no other potential father for our daughter. We were married already and actively trying for a baby.
I never cheated, I never would cheat, and I don't know why he took that stupid test because I would never, ever cheat, but it came back negative and now he thinks he's not her dad. I don't know how to convince him it was a faulty test and I'm so scared.
These past few months it's like he's become someone completely different from the man I married. He's cold, and suspicious. He kept demanding to see my phone, and wouldn't tell me why, and I showed him at first but eventually told him I wouldn't anymore unless he explained why.
He's been distant with our daughter too. He stays in his office for hours on end, and I don't know what he's doing. I did not cheat.
He accused me this morning, saying he'd done the test after realizing that our daughter's eyes (brown) wouldn't naturally come from ours (both blue) and that he wanted me to get out of the house. I didn't leave and he locked me out of our bedroom and now I'm in my daughter's room. This is terrifying.
Also, I just had a conversation with my husband. He's out of his room now, and we discussed some things. I told him again that I would never cheat and started talking about a list I made of tests I want done, but he told me that he didn't want to hear it right now.
We're going to have a longer conversation tomorrow and he said that he still loves our daughter, and he won't try to keep me out of the house or our room for now. I asked him to hug me and he did.
I'm scared that I won't be able to convince him. I just want our family to go back to normal. How can I be a good wife and support his needs while proving my innocence?
TL;DR: My husband confronted me this morning saying our daughter isn't biologically his after a failed paternity test, but I never cheated.
Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
ajane writes:
Op, a sudden change in personality from your husband sounds like the bigger issue here. Get to a couples therapist ASAP. Sudden shifts in personality are often indicative of physical or mental health problems.
All sorts of illnesses can lead to stuff like this, from maybe benign brain tumors to cancer to bipolar disease. I would first off get him to a doctor but I'm assuming he won't go since he sounds irrationally angry (even before the test).
I would not be surprised if he developed paranoia as a result of a health issue and this negative test turns out to be a delusion. Have you actually seen the test results? I'm suggesting the couples therapist so he/ she can at least help you get to the point where your husband agrees to see a doctor.
tmchd writes:
I will repeat myself, I suppose, please GET DNA test for all 3 of you AGAIN at least at 2 different labs. Why all 3? Just to throw away the possibility that the baby was somehow switched.
Also ask for the paternity resuls so you can see which labs he sent it to and not use those labs. Use DIFFERENT labs.
You will not have your family go back to normal anytime soon, honestly. But it is imperative IF you want your family to remain 'intact'--you need to disprove his paternity test results. Request for him to show you the papers tonight.
He may not want to talk about it tonight, but if I were you, I would be seeking out labs to get DNA test done NOW. So you can show him your research and get him to agree to get tested in all those labs when you later have another discussion with him.
Hello, everyone. So, apparently a youtuber my husband watches called Mark Narrations decided that it would be a fun idea to read my post on his channel. My husband recognized the story, because, well of course he recognized the story, how could he not? This doesn't happen every day.
Then he went on my account page. Then he found quite a few comments about him that were not exactly... nice. And now, he has asked me for a chance to post his side of the story on this account, so that people stop trashing him. Please be nice.
fran56 writes:
Sorry, but since he didn’t show you the actual test results, I don’t believe him. He may be gaslighting you to deflect and distract you from what he is really up to against you. He is probably planning to divorce you.
Please stop focusing on being a good wife. I know you are but he doesn’t care. I highly suggest that you have a conversation with a divorce attorney to protect yourself.
He may have claimed this supposed “DNA test result” just to get you to admit that you committed adultery so he can use that against you in a divorce.
Please get everything lined up to protect you and your child. I really feel that he is going to pull the rug out from under you and leave you.
Please, while you can, save up some money, get your important papers and jewelry ready and put them somewhere safe away from him. He is on a mission and it’s not a good one. I am so sorry he is doing this to you. Please keep in touch. Good luck to you.
mylittlebee writes:
Get DNA test for all three. I’m sorry to say that, but it is very unusual to have brown eyes child if both parents have blue.
Is your daughter similar to you? If no, you are screwed up because your biological child is there somewhere. I know two stories like that when hospital made a mistake and parents raised not their child. So take DNA tests as soon as you can.
Second. If you had medical procedures to get pregnant, you will have to talk to the clinic. Don’t want to scare you, but there was a gynecologist who decided that he will help his patients to get pregnant, but he used his own sperm. It’s very unlikely, so I wouldn’t worry about.
The third possibility. Your husband is cheating and wants to get rid of you and your daughter so found a way to do it.
The fourth possibility: if you use cheap tests you can buy in Walmart later you can get a heart attack, because you will find out eventually that there is no way your mom is your mom or your child is your child.
Those tests are not even close to accurate. Get DNA anyway!!! If your parents and his parents are also blue-eyed… well I don’t know what to say.
plesantpanick writes:
Genetics aren't black and white like everyone thinks. My son's eyes did not follow "basic probabilities". I have brown and his dad has blue. That's pretty much 50/50 for either, and they typically say brown is the more dominant. My son has grey eyes that shift color all the time.
Your husband's assumptions that you cheated being based off simply eye color are a bit of a stretch. I would get more testing done. Like many other people have said, see if he actually took a paternity test for sure or not.
Test all your DNA. Could be a lot of factors in this. Pregnancy tests can often have false results, so what says a paternity test doesn't have the chance to fail?
If he continues to be dodgy when you discuss what you want to do to prove your innocence, perhaps you should look into if he is hiding something himself.
He should know that typically people who have cheated will not super willingly go to great lengths to prove they have not, and those that get defensive are usually hiding something.
From what you've said, you haven't been hiding anything and even tried showing him your phone to prove it, plus you're willing to do more tests and prove it is his baby. If you knew it was not his, I don't think you'd be as willing to get testing done.
Whatever ends up happening, I wish you luck.
OP's MAJOR UPDATE:
Hi everyone. First off, I wanted to thank everyone who reached out, my original post got so much attention, it was hard to get to everything, but I ended up making a list of plans, and tests I wanted to get done.
My husband was (understandably) distrustful of me for a while, but he apologized for the way he acted (which I didn't need) and said that he wouldn't try to kick me out of our home. He did say, though, that if every test came back and I'd cheated, then he was going to "go scorched earth."
We did a few tests. Blood paternity tests for him and me, and our daughter, and we had an appointment with a chimerism specialist coming up, but that got canceled because, well, some of you guessed it, but my daughter is not biologically mine either.
I don't know how this happened, but a police officer came to our house and took our statements, and we're suing the hospital where I gave birth. I don't know what happened to my baby, and that is terrifying.
I have my husband back, but my whole world was still upended, and I just wish he'd never taken that stupid test. I've been sleeping in my daughter's room, and I'm so afraid that she's going to be taken away from me, but at the same time I want to know where my biological daughter is, and if she's okay. I pray to god she's okay.
My daughter still doesn't know the details, and we've been trying to keep this quiet. The last thing we need is a big scandal. I don't want people who know us to look at her differently. She deserves better than that, she's such a good kid, and she's not some spectacle to be gawked at.
If we can find her birth family, I have no idea what we'll do. I guess the best case scenario would be to get a bigger house and all live together, but I don't know if we can afford that, or if they'd go for that, or even if we'll be able to locate them, or if I'm just crazy.
This whole situation is crazy. I don't know anyone else who's been in a situation like this. I mean, are there support groups for parents of kids who got mixed up? I googled and nothing came up.
Literally all I'm getting are tabloid articles from trashy magazines that slap the faces of innocent kids on the same pages as celebrity se% scandals, and fiction. Now that we know the truth, how do we tell our daughter? I mean we can't tell her now, she'll tell the kids at school and then it'll be everywhere, but we have to say something.
Husband's UPDATE:
So, I don't know how many of you have been down a self doubt rabbithole before, but it's not the most logical place to be. It's even less logical when you have the whole damn internet telling you that your wife is cheating, and that she's planning to take the house, and take you for all you're worth, and never really loved you...
and you always sorta thought she was too good for you anyway, so you end up seeing everything as a sign of infidelity, and then you get not one, but two failed paternity tests on your daughter. When Covid happened, I got fat. I got depressed. I stopped feeling like a person.
My wife stayed beautiful. She stayed herself. I was sure that she'd made a mistake. That she'd regret being with me.
I started getting into some online groups, especially on reddit, that were full of guys who'd been cheated on, lost custody, lost everything, and when someone said that his tipoff was that he and his wife both had blue eyes and their son had brown, I felt f-g stupid.
I did not want to jump to conclusions, but when I made a post about my fears, everyone said that she was cheating. People said not to say anything, because she'd use it to hide her cheating and get ahead of me on the divorce. I got the test and I didn't really think it'd come back negative.
Then it did. I didn't want to believe it, but yeah, I pulled back. I felt betrayed. I wanted to be a good husband but I couldn't shake this. I tried to find evidence of an affair, and failed. I got another test.
When that one was also negative, I snapped. If you've ever been cheated on, you know what it feels like. When my wife denied it, I got angrier. I just wanted her to leave. I didn't want to go through what everyone seemed to think was going to happen.
I didn't want to lose custody of my kid. I didn't want to lose my house. I was scared, and angry, and I wanted the truth. I felt like if she couldn't even be honest there was no getting past this.
I took a few hours to calm down. When she came back with a list of tests to take, I tried to keep my cool. I tried to keep my cool for so long. I know I was wrong about the affair, but so was everyone else in my ear.
My kid is genuinely not biologically mine. I didn't immediately consider that switched at birth was an option. I've been through a messed up time, and I don't think getting angry one time because I thought my wife cheated and was lying about it makes me a monster.