Woman infuriates bride when she wears gold dress to her wedding; AITA? LINK TO DRESS INCLUDED + BRAND NEW UPDATE

When this woman isn't sure if she's being rude at a wedding or not, she asks the internet:

"New Update: AITA for wearing a "gold" dress to a wedding?"

Some context: My (30F) best friend Dan (30M) got married to Lauren (27F) yesterday. Me and Dan have been best friends since high school and despite always being platonic with no romantic interests on either side, his now wife Lauren has always disliked me.

In thier three years of dating I have not been allowed to see Dan alone because she feels that it's suspicious that I want to hang out with him. Honestly I just missed my friend.

Despite me being happily married, she's always kept me at arm's length. I always figured this was because she's from a very conservative family. Dan has spoken to her multiple times and after she'll back off for a bit before reverting to complaining about him being friends with a girl again. It's not ideal but she makes Dan happy so I made my peace with it.

That brings us to the wedding, originally I was going to be in the groom's party but Lauren ended up crying saying a wedding is not a place to swap gender roles. Dan was fighting her on this but I told him I'll just attend as a guest, and not to choose this hill to die on.

The dress code was "Warm tone garden party" and we were encouraged to wear earthy warm colours. I picked out a bronze / orange dress that I thought fit this perfectly and the style even matched some examples they gave, in short I thought I had nailed it.

The wedding went great however at the reception Lauren dragged me aside and said "I cannot believe you would wear gold to my wedding, you're not the first prize you're just fg trashy".

I was so shocked in the moment I just stared at her. She practically screamed at me to leave and she was drawing attention so I grabbed my husband, said good bye to Dan and left.

Dan reached out after and told me he was upset I left his wedding so soon. Laurens mum has texted me saying I ruined the wedding for her daughter and I'm stupid for wearing a gold dress, she's saying its as bad as wearing white. I was genuinely not aware this was a thing. I want to reach out to Dan to explain but I don't know if I'm in the wrong here. AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Any chance you or Dan have a crush on each other?

OP: I am happily married, and me and Dan would rather eat glass than have anything romantic happen between us. We are just not each other's type and see each other as siblings. I genuinely don't think Dan has ever secretly liked me either.

Commenter (downvoted): While I believe you, I have to think Dan has made comments about you around his wife for her to go so nuclear on you. Not to be weird but how would you rate your attractiveness compared with hers? Are you similar or is there a big gap in your attractiveness?

OP: That's hard to answer, we are two totally different people. I think we are both attractive in our own way. I am your "Barbie" stereotype- 5"11, blonde hair with a 6 pack. She's a petite brunette bombshell with a beautiful tan and a full figure.

I'm also a good two inches taller than Dan (hence he's not my type, I'm not his). So it's comparing apples and oranges. But I do get your point.

Commenter: Have you and Dan ever had a convo about why you aren't allowed to be alone with him?

OP: Not just me but any woman. She doesn't believe in platonic friendships with the opposite se%

Why does Lauren's mom have your number? Can't you just forward that message to Dan?

My guess is the group chat from the hens party, Lauren didn't have bridesmaids and her mum organised the hens night with a group text chat. Honestly my husband told me they were acting crazy, I just needed an outside opinion before I called Dan so hubby said I should post here.

How were you going to be a part of the groom's party if she didn't have any bridesmaids?

She technically had her mum as a MOH figure I guess? She stood up there with her and organised the hens party. But they were just going to go with unequal numbers and in the end, he just had his brother there with him.

The dress: Dress pic here! OP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): March 24, 2024 (Next Day)

Wow guys, I genuinely didn’t know what to expect posting to strangers on this, but I am so thankful to my husband for suggesting this. I needed a non-biased view on this ‘wearing gold to a wedding’ issue, and now it’s clear that that was never the issue.

Many of you asked if the dress I wore stood out, and honestly I know I’m biased saying this, but I genuinely don’t think so. Another girl was wearing the exact same dress but in a dark red which we had a laugh about.

Slip dresses are a pretty common wedding guest dress where I am, and it was the type of dress that was recommended by the bride. I think many of you were right in saying that it was never about the dress, but how I looked wearing it.

I do want to start this update by thanking my husband who suggested I post here and been having a ball reading your comments since posting and even posting a photo of us this morning with a caption along the lines of ‘my gold prize of a wife, I am winning in life thanks to you’.

Turns out Dan found out pretty quickly what actually happened and called me last night. Apparently Lauren’s mum had told him I was really drunk and told Lauren her dress wasn’t “it” so I was requested to leave.

Dan had his suspicions that it was bs but it wasn’t until his mum calling him that confirmed it. Turns out she was nearby when Lauren pulled me aside and ironically was actually wearing a yellow-gold dress and ‘tore him a new one’ about letting Lauren treat me like that.

Dan didn’t have a solution when he called, I could tell he was emotionally exhausted and pretty defeated. He said he wished I had taken it out on the open bar rather than leaving, but he understood why I left.

He thanked me for taking the high road and that it hasn’t gone unnoticed. He apologized for what happened, apparently this is an ongoing fight between him and Lauren.

For all of those who said Lauren just hates me, turns out it’s 100% true. Apparently, she has been trying to convince Dan to cut me off ‘because that’s what a good husband does’. He said he thought she had gotten over it now that they were married.

I told him that he needs to focus on his happiness, and that I will always be here to support him and that I will take a step back if that’s what he needs.

They were supposed to leave for their honeymoon yesterday but when Dan called they were still at home, so who knows. I’ve blocked Lauren and her mum and forwarded the messages to Dan as recommended. Thanks again everyone for your comments and judgement.

*****New Update: July 4, 2024 (3.5 months later)*****

So, it’s been a couple of months and a bit has happened, the situation seemed to resonate with quite a few people so I thought I would provide a final update.

Thank you to everyone who has messaged, it did help me feel a little less crazy during this time. And to the person who let me know I can simply post an update here, thank you (I had no idea how this all worked)

So - Lauren ended up finding the post on tiktok and was understandably pissed. She called me from Dan’s phone and started screaming at me. Saying I had ruined her wedding and that I knew what I was doing wearing a ‘dress like that’ to the wedding.

After the initial shock of expecting Dan & getting Lauren screaming I yelled “What kind of dress?! The same cut that Amy wore? (someone else has worn the same dress but in a different color) F I just cant win with you! Dress nicely and I’m out to get you, dress casually and I’m taking the p*ss?

I’ve tried so hard with you but I’m done.” and hung up. I messaged Dan “I clearly can’t be in your life with everything the way it is right now. Good luck. I’ll always be a call away” Before blocking the number which broke my heart.

That was 3 months ago and I didn’t hear anything except from Dan’s mother saying Lauren wouldn’t stop complaining about me, and life continued.

In this time I also discovered I am pregnant! Me & hubby made a post a couple of weeks ago announcing this which it’s way to Dan, turned up at my front door a few days after.

We talked over many drinks on his end and mocktails on mine. He told me that he always thought it was the right thing to do to listen to your partners boundaries and insecurities...

and that Lauren has a lot of body image issues which resulted in her being suspicious of other women, so he thought the right thing was to support her but he got lost in setting his own boundaries when it came to how she controlled his interactions with his friends.

He said the whole situation forced him to think about her boundaries and her own personal standards, and saw that they consistent contradicted each other.

Like, she believes (rightly so) that women are allowed to wear whatever they feel comfortable in, but she would complain that I was unreasonable for wearing bikinis to family beach days because it was inappropriate.

Dan also realised she was trying to cut out his sister, and literally every woman in his life including his boss insisting he get another job. By the time he had heard about my pregnancy, he told me he didn’t want to be an absent friend through this and so had a serious conversation with Lauren.

I wont go into details, but the result was that they are currently separated and both in therapy. Dan asked Lauren to move out and she is currently staying with her mum who is apparently convinced I am the devil.

Whilst I am sad for Dan’s relationship having to end like this, I am happy to see that he is starting to learn what a healthy relationship is and that he will be able to be my friend through my pregnancy.

My husband is excited to have his gaming buddy back. I reached out to Lauren with Dan's permission, letting her know I am here to talk in a therapy session if she felt like it would help, but I havent received a response yet and maybe that's for the best.

I can't help but feel bad on some days, because I know that a lot of this is born from insecurity. But I am trying to focus on the positives that both of them are in therapy, and hopefully will move onto bigger and better things.

I'm sorry if this update is a bit scattered as well, pregnancy brain has been hitting me hard! This update has been read and approved by Dan :)

OP's comment:

Thank you! We are very excited! And while I can't talk to Lauren's motivations, I do agree that whatever issues you are going through are not an excuse to push unfair boundaries. I am in awe of Dan's strength that he has shown in the last couple of weeks, if they continue their relationship, I know it will be on better terms for both of them.