I (23F) live in an apartment I inherited from my late dad. It’s fully in my name since him and my mum weren’t ever married or even in a relationship at all and he didn’t have a wife or other kids.
He passed away during peak covid and I moved into the apartment full time last year after graduation. The apartment was in a different city to my university so I couldn’t live in it while I was in university.
I met my now boyfriend when I moved to this city. We’ve been officially dating for just over a year and everything is great with him. Things are getting pretty serious and he suggested moving in together. I was totally on board because I get lonely living on my own and ask him to sleep over so often.
He’s at my apartment for a lot of time anyway. I just assumed that he’d be moving into my apartment with me so he won’t even have to pay rent but he sent me links to apartments that are already in my area.
I had a conversation with him and asked why we couldn’t just live at my apartment. He said he wouldn’t feel comfortable living in a house that’s completely mine and he has no say over. He said if we rent a new place together, then we can have equal say in it.
I got where he was coming from but I was honest with him and said there was no way I was moving out of this amazing apartment that I live in rent free, just to move into some other apartment in this same area and have to pay rent. I said legally, he would have tenants rights if we live together and I won’t ask him to invest in home maintenance or renovations since that’s my business.
He still wasn’t satisfied and said he still isn’t comfortable and is just looking out for himself. He suggested I can rent the apartment out and use the rent money to pay my half of the rent to our new apartment but I don’t want to be a landlord. I have a full time job and have absolutely no interest in dealing with all the shit that comes with being a landlord.
After a lot of discussions, I said that since we can’t agree, it’s better that we just don’t move in together and see if we can compromise later down the line. He said he’s honestly hurt that I can’t be bothered to put in any effort for us to live together and that I’m coming off materialistic to be so attached to the apartment to the detriment of our relationship. We’ve kind of been at a weird awkward place in our relationship now and I just want some perspectives I guess. AITA?
NTA- it does not make sense for you to take on additional expenses to placate his insecurities and empower his need to control. If he decides to move in than make sure you consult a lawyer before.
NTA. It would be silly for you to move from a place you love just to pay rent. It’s rich he says “you can’t be bothered to put in any effort” when he’s not willing to compromise at all. Somewhere down the road if you marry or want to start a family it might make sense to sell your place and jointly buy something together, but right now it would just be foolish.
NTA, you moving out to live with him and pay rent makes NO sense. It's completely illogical and the fact that he thinks you should is seriously bizarre.
I would be worried, because it means he is unable to look at this from your perspective - and it's an obvious, logical one - and instead is stuck looking at it from the point of view of what's most convenient for him.
He wants you to do something absurd, impractical and financially damaging in order for him to be... more comfy, I guess? and he doesn't recognize that his request is unreasonable and inappropriate. It's a red flag. Do not move out.
Sounds kinda controlling. If I met an awesome woman who offered to let me live in their apartment for free I’d be stoked.
NTA. He's insane. In this day and age with rents being insanely high his pride is blinding him. And I suspect he'd have no problem if HE owned an apartment and wanted you to move in.
NTA! He sounds like a control freak. No one in their right mind would give up a rent-free apartment to pay for another apartment. I also don't blame you for not wanting to rent your current apartment out. Renters are notoriously irresponsible and can do some major damage in a short period of time.