'AITA for wear a wearing a green designer dress and 'trying' to upstage the bride?' UPDATED
"AITA for wear a wearing a green designer dress and 'trying' to upstage the bride?"
I’m from India and my husband and I were recently invited to his subordinate’s wedding in the Bay Area. I was really excited about it as it’s the first American wedding I’m attending after moving to the states after my own wedding in February this year.
I’ve seen quite a few reels and videos about not wearing white, any colors that could resemble white like cream, egg shell, bone grey, pastel pink, silver and definitely not red.
I also made sure not to wear anything floor length, you know ball gown type and stuff. When we got the invitation, I checked up on the location and it was a very beautiful/fancy place and the dress code said “Imagine a summer picnic in Naples” which was honestly so cute.
I had a light green sleeveless dress which is flow-y and goes up to my shin. I have hair that goes up to my hips and I put a bow in it which was a little big but I have thick hair, nothing which stands out, I didn’t wear anything on my neck, I took off my thali/mangalsutra which is this gold matrimonial chain that married women wear in India.
The wedding was beautiful and everything was fine until the reception. I kept getting weird side eyes from the bridal party and the mother of the bride. When my husband and I went to congratulate the couple, the bride completed ignored me and her husband just gave me an awkward smile.
I even went back and checked if my husband was allowed to bring a plus one cause I thought I must not have been invited and you can’t just bring someone along to weddings here.
Two days after the wedding, one of the bridesmaid’s texted me on Instagram and told me if I was happy with the stunt I pulled at someone else’s wedding. If I was so attention seeking that I had to wear something expensive to someone else’s wedding and make them look bad. I was really upset and I asked if I can call and solve this misunderstanding cause that was not my intention.
The dress to begin with does not look like a bespoke piece or anything of that sort but apparently one the bridesmaids was aware of the design and who the designer was and told the bride and the bridal party. The designer does bridal pieces and formal every day apparel too. I sent the bridesmaid’s my number and told her to call me at her convenience. Big mistake.
She sent my number to the mother of the bride and others and I’ve been getting some pretty nasty messages and phone calls. The groom is staying out of it because my husband is his boss but sent me a message asking if I would apologise and if we could let this go.
Honestly if it was just an apology, I would have genuinely given it. But the name calling and getting on a conference call to collectively berate me is wrong in my opinion. They put up pictures of me in the dress, and pictures of the dress and its price on one of the bridesmaid’s Instagram stories - she has a pretty good following to “shame” me as well.
My husband wants to talk to the groom and set them straight but I’m scared it might look like an abuse of power or something and that would give them more crap to talk about. So AITA and should I apologize for wearing a designer dress to a wedding?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
The latest news I’ve received from another colleague wife who I’ve met quite a few times since I’ve moved here is that, not only was the dress too expensive but since the designer also makes bridal pieces and apparently the bride had checked out her website for a dress to wear the day after the wedding breakfast with only close friends and family.
The dresses were out of her budget or she didn’t like them and she actually ended up wearing this sweet blush pink dress which looked absolutely beautiful on her. We saw pictures the next day. So one of the bridesmaid’s saw the dress I was wearing and told the bride that it’s from the same designer.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BeMandalorTomad said:
NTA. You know what happened here? You were your beautiful self. The rest is jealousy. You did your due diligence about American wedding dos and don'ts. You didn’t go over and above. You did everything a reasonable person would expect of you but you’re still eye catching. That’s not a flaw. It’s not your fault.
whimsicaluncertainty said:
NTA. This reeks of insecurity. You did nothing wrong. Also, designer clothes wouldn't be able to transform a person into looking more attractive, I bet you are the type of beauty that would look gorgeous in a potato sack. Hence the bride being jealous.
Do people have no common sense though? Why would you potentially jeopardise your husband's job by doing this? People normally invite their boss to get into their good graces and establish a better relationship. What a silly woman.
OrcEight said:
NTA. And your husband should tell the groom that that he needs to put a stop to the inappropriate messages coming to you. He can have this conversation in a professional manner.
throwaway_maxxx said:
NTA. The bridesmaid was obviously jealous, and she started the issue. I sense this is a culture thing, that type of jealousy. Block them all off, and continue to live your authentic self. And the nerve of the husband to ask you to apologize? I'd let your husband talk to him about this nonsense if he wants to.
justcelia13 said:
NTA. Had one of the women not known it was an expensive, designer dress, nothing would have been said. Speaks of jealousy to me. And yet, you were the one in green!
A few days later OP came back with this update:
Hi everyone, I’m so sorry it’s been a couple of days. My sister in law is in town to visit and I was just a little caught up. Thank you all so much for the kind words and support. I initially felt like I screwed up and put my husband in a tough spot.
Firstly, to answer a few questions I was asked in my DM’s is what were the gifts - they were Waterford crystal champagne flutes and a rose bowl. Also how old I am and what do we do for a living - I’m 26 and I’m an architect - I’m prepping to get my NCARB certification and my husband works in tech. Also, no I didn’t go around telling people my dress was $ 4000 dollars. I’m not vacuous or rude.
My husband and the groom’s brother are best friends. My husband is heading a department with 4 teams and one of the team members is the groom and was added in through his brother’s recommendation after he lost his job in 2022. My husband knows the groom quite well. He also met his then fiancée at a year end party last year and he told me she just seemed like a TYPE “A” kinda person.
I have met the groom thrice before the wedding and he’s really a gentle, introverted and nerdy person. Now my husband did go and speak to HR the past Monday with all the evidence I compiled, the groom was on leave but I think he received an email.
He sent my husband a mail cause he blocked his number to ask if he could come and talk and he will bring his brother along to cause my husband initially said it wasn’t a good idea.
They came by on Wednesday evening he immediately apologised to me saying he didn’t like how things turned out and was wrong to ask me to apologise. He only thought that if I just said sorry, this would be over. I told him I was willing to clear up the misunderstanding but there was no way I was going to apologise for something I couldn’t have possibly known.
He looked absolutely defeated, like he was having a bad year. It was honestly sad cause he was supposed to be enjoying himself right now. My husband asked him if his wife, her friends and mother in law will genuinely apologise and if they don’t, we will definitely go the legal route. He called up his wife and she just wouldn’t do it.
Things got heated up, he was yelling and in the end she said she was sorry but I should understand as even I got married not too long ago.
I told her I had 2000 people at my wedding which took place over 4 days and I didn’t stop to look at every single person, let alone check the price tag of their clothes because I was busy enjoying getting married. She hung up after that. I know it was wrong to compare, but I was so done with her.
He told us that he had to take a pay cut after his last job and a wedding with 150 guests is expensive. They had to cut down on a lot of things and she was upset that she couldn’t have the wedding of her dreams. I heard this from a friend as well that she wasn’t willing to contribute. How could she complain then?
I told him it was still no excuse for what they had done. My husband then told him that he was worried for him work wise as well, as he thought he would be a liability now because of his wife and not be able to make well informed decisions or just stay put if something wrong was happening (thank you to everyone who commented this).
He also told him that his team lead will be reviewing his work and he can volunteer to work offsite for sometime. And he won’t be taking back any complaints made as all of them can be legally persecuted and his wife and others have to apologise sincerely.
They stayed for dinner after that, he kept apologising continuously that I wished he would have just left after talking.
It’s been a few days since, and all I know is that the groom has extended his time off and will be volunteering to work offsite since people have been bad mouthing him and his wife at work. No one has apologised other than the groom, the bridesmaid’s who initially messaged me has blocked me cause I couldn’t look up her profile when I wanted to show my sister in law.
Now I think it’s just best to leave this cause I don’t want to sue them and the groom only seems to be bearing the brunt for his wife’s and Co. actions.