Insecure woman demands SIL covers up for her wedding because of her 'weight.' AITA?
My SIL wants me to cover up completely at her wedding because I'm skinnier than her.
Consistent_Guest_146 writes:
My brother (34M) and his fiancée (31F) are getting married soon. My husband and I received our invitation, all fine. However, here's the problem I'm having with them.
I'm not a bridesmaid or in the bridal party because I have a baby, and as she's very young (four months now), and I was either pregnant or with a newborn during most of the wedding planning, it was for the best. So, I'm just a regular guest like everyone else, right?
Well, my brother and his fiancée came over a few days after they sent the invitations because they wanted to talk to me. My future sister-in-law basically told me she has gotten a dress for me and would love for me to wear it for their wedding. I was kind of like, "Okay, thanks...? But why?" You know?
At first, she didn't want to tell me why they've chosen a dress for me, but finally, she told me that I tend to "draw too much attention to myself." Last year, our other brother got married, and my future sister-in-law thinks that she doesn't want to risk having me show up similarly to their wedding. By the way, I wasn't wearing an inappropriate dress or white or anything like that; I was wearing a normal formal dress.
I was very confused by this, and I asked what she meant because, as I said, I know how to dress up for a wedding. I reassured her she shouldn't worry about being "outshined" because, for starters, it's her wedding day, and everyone will be paying attention to the bride and groom.
And secondly, I won't wear an inappropriate dress with too much cleavage or something (her family is rather conservative, so I thought maybe she was more "scared" of her family's reactions).
We discussed this for a while, and she told me that the problem is my weight. She's a little overweight, and I'm not (I've always had problems gaining weight, even while pregnant), so she feels insecure, and that's why she wants me to wear a dress that would cover me completely. This is where I think I might be the a*^%ole.
I told her that her insecurities were not my problem and that it was weird to ask me to wear a certain dress just because I'm skinnier than her. She told me that she knew I'd have this reaction because supposedly I always want to be the focus of attention. She also said that my life has always been easier, and it's not fair that I want to "steal" her wedding day as well.
I asked her if she was doing this with every other woman who was skinnier attending the wedding, and she said no, so I told her that's a sh&%^y move.
We argued, and then my husband and brother got in between us too, so they argued as well, and finally, we kicked them out, but not before I told them to enjoy their damn day because I wasn't attending the wedding, for which they accused me of being a drama queen and wanting to embarrass them by not going.
Well, I'm calmer now, and this has caused quite a fight in our family as well. I admit that I was so tired and stressed that day because my baby had been sick the prior day/night. So, I don't know, do you think I exaggerated here? Or were they truly rude to ask me something like this?
OP responded to a few comments:
literaryhogwartian says:
NTA (Not The A%@#ole). I have 6 sisters in law, they are stunning and tall and blonde. I am not, I'm pretty but not the models my damned husband has for sisters! They were all my bridesmaids in flattering dresses. I knew they would look beautiful but I would shine as it was my day marrying my darling love. Sister in law needs to remember what the wedding is really about.
OP responded:
In my opinion, I don't think anyone can ever outshine the bride even if they try, they'll just embarrass themselves because the wedding is about the bride and groom! Everyone's attention will be on them!
sjw_7 says:
NTA. If the situation had been reversed and you had been asking her to wear something specific because of her weight you would have been accused of fat shaming. It was very rude of them to ask what they did.
I could understand if you had a habit of turning up to these kind of events in a bikini but you don't. You do dress appropriately so its all down to her jealousy is all.
morgaine125 asks:
INFO: What did the dress you wore to the other wedding look like? My impulse is to say N T A because people shouldn’t really police each other’s dress like this, but I can’t help but wonder if whatever you wore was more revealing than you’re admitting in a way that might be offensive to the fiancé’s family, inappropriate for the dress code of the ceremony (if it’s religious), etc.
OP responded:
It was a very appropriate dress, a formal dress with a v neckline (but not deep) and it was long, it was also deep blue. Literally no one thought it was inappropriate.
seregil42 says:
This makes no sense. If this were about her insecurities about her weight, she'd ask everyone one else to do the same as she's doing to you. I don't feel like we're getting the full picture here.
OP says:
Right? Like she's only targeting me for some reason which is odd.
What do you think? Is OP right to refuse to wear the dress?