Hi everyone, I'll cut to the chase. I (19F) had a Halloween party over the weekend. I invited my my boyfriend (21M) and a bunch of our friends over, including his girl best friend. I will call her "Agatha". My boyfriend and I had decided to dress up as Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.
If you haven't seen the costume, the guy wears a shirt that says Peter Peter and the girl dresses as a pumpkin because... well you know! I was pretty excited just because I thought it was a funny and cute costume.
Agatha texted me the night before the party and asked what my costume was going to be! I explained the couple's costume my boyfriend and I would be wearing and she replied that should would probably just come as a "sexy cat."
Fast forward to the night of the party, everyone is having fun and it's a nice time! Well, it was... until Agatha walked in dressed as a pumpkin.
She went over and hugged my boyfriend. I swear the room went silent. I was pissed. I asked if I could speak with her privately and we went into my bedroom. I asked why she chose that costume since she knew the details of the joint costume between my boyfriend and I. She said she didn't see the big deal and thought it would be a better group costume.
I told her I didn't think it was funny and I would prefer that she change. I offered her a witch costume that she could borrow for the night. She turned red and started to yell that I don't get to control what she wears. I told her that she was disrespecting my relationship by insinuating that my boyfriend and her are intimate.
She kept screaming about how it was funny and I needed to lighten up. I ended up asking her to leave. She stormed out of the house and I returned to the party. The mood had shifted and the night felt ruined.
My boyfriend agrees that she crossed the line and is planning on cutting her off completely. BUT a few of our friends are saying that I was being dramatic and I should have let her stay. I guess I'm just wondering...am I the ahole?
If you hadn’t told her what you were wearing it would be different. She was either 1 thinking it was funny to imply your boyfriend cheats with her 2 trying to show he and others will pick her side 3 trying to cause problems in your relationship with bf and your friends.
For her to refuse another costume, get angry that you were annoyed, and raise her voice so others can be drawn into the drama shows it was a plan, and she didn’t care that it was disrespectful and inappropriate.
I doubt the people who are saying it’s not a big deal would be happy if she called them the night before and showed up in the same costume, would also be annoyed, more so if it was a couples costume. Even when it’s not a costume to call and say what are you wearing tomorrow and then showing up in the same outfit at an event is rude.
Nope. NTA. She did this on purpose and was testing to see what she could get away with. She found out that she couldn’t get away with anything.
NTA I'm the girl bestie to a married man. I would never ever ever do anything to ever make his wife feel uncomfortable. I know my place and I stay in my lane. If they ever have relationship problems, it certainly isn't going to be because of me. I love and respect them both too much. You were well within your right to put her in her place.
NTA. What the…what?! Good your bf is cutting her off completely. That was so over the line there’s no way to come back from it.
NTA. If he doesn't cut her off, you need to reevaluate your relationship. She obviously wants in his pants, and either he puts up with that (nope) or kicks her to the curb. Same goes for the "friends" calling you dramatic. How would they like it if it happened to them?
NTA. She did that on purpose.
NTA. She knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to cause a rift somewhere and try to make you look bad.
Well…I have an update! I meant to post one a few months ago but I really needed time to process the events that occurred after this whole ordeal. I’m glad I waited though, because you all need to hear this one.
Many people pointed out that my boyfriend must be sleeping with Agatha since she went absolutely bonkers for seemingly no reason. I thought since he immediately took my side and blocked her on everything that you were wrong.
Well, it was me who was wrong. It turns out that Agatha and my boyfriend have been sleeping together for MONTHS and they were just really good at hiding it. Until she decided that she didn’t want to be his “mistress” anymore.
I found this out when I was at his house and hanging out in his room. He was showering after a workout and I heard this vibrating noise. He had taken his phone and mine was right next to me so I couldn’t figure out what it was.
I opened his bedside table drawer and found a second phone. My gut told me that something wasn’t right, why would he have a second phone? It didn’t take me long to guess his password (1234, really?) and my fears were confirmed.
There was a missed call from Agatha. I looked through the messages and found out the truth. Not only had they been sleeping together, she recently found out that she was pregnant. This was the reason she pulled the stunt on Halloween. She was trying to force his hand. I also saw that he was messaging other girls as well.
I was completely devastated. After his shower, he found me grabbing all of my belongings and putting them in my bag. He asked why I was leaving and I told him because we were finished. I threw his phone on the bed and he looked like he was going to vomit.
He started pleading me to hear him out but I didn’t want to hear it. He could have all of those other girls, I didn’t want him anymore. He followed me out of the house shaking and crying, he even followed me all the way out to my car trying to block my path. I went over the grass around him and didn’t look back.
He sent me a long message about how he never wanted to hurt me, that he wanted me back, and how he was using his work phone to text all of these woman so I wouldn’t find out. That was a really helpful! I sent his boss a nice little message about how company property was being misused and I saw on LinkedIn he no longer works for that company anymore.
He is blocked on everything now. I hope him and Agatha have a magical life with their baby. Oh! I heard through the grapevine that he got one of the other woman pregnant too! I’m glad I dodged that bullet.
As for me, I am currently in therapy working on my trust issues and learning how to love myself again after this situation. I have been putting myself out there again and have cut contact with anyone who knew what was happening behind my back. Thank you for all the love and support!
Glad you found out when you did, before somehow you ended up Baby Mama #3. He’s not worth your time, way yo go getting out!
Glad you left the trash at the curb where it belongs!
Lmao tattling to his boss about the phone is the icing on the cake. I’m glad you’re taking time to heal and focus on yourself.
Congratulations on your escape and for choosing therapy. You deserve more love and respect than what he was willing to offer you. Telling his boss about the phone use must have been satisfying.
Oh hun, sweetheart, treasure... You are an absolute diamond. I'm sorry you had to experience the pain and betrayal, but you are an absolute medal-winner of an inspiration!
I'm glad you're free of him and Agatha, not to mention your 'friends', which I imagine is why they tried to say you 'over-reacted' (because they knew). What an absolute bunch of twats. Well, they all deserve each other, they can go lay in their behavior and you can sail on by, being amazing.
I hope you know that his actions were about him, not you, because he was a selfish fool. Best of luck sweets, I sincerely hope everything works out for you from now on. Ps. Telling the boss about misuse of company property CHEF'S KISS GLORIOUS!