Woman kicks guest out for comment on friend's aunt's death, 'I kind of feel bad for the doctors.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my friend to leave after upsetting our grieving friend?"

I (19F) have four friends who are relevant to this story: Becca (20f), Jade (20f), Emma (21F), and Tori (20F). All false names, of course. Some necessary backstory: my friend Jade recently lost her aunt.

I’m gonna keep the details of what happened vague, but essentially, she was in the hospital for what should’ve been a simple procedure, and was given something that interacted poorly with a medication she was on due to the staff failing to check what she was taking.

She died because of complications relating to this. Jade is obviously very upset, and to try and cheer her up I hosted a little get together with her and a few other friends, Becca, Emma, and Tori.

Here’s where things went wrong. We were having a good time—Jade was smiling and laughing, and overall in a brighter mood than she’d been in since her aunt passed away. Then Becca says, out of the blue, “I kind of feel bad for the doctors.”

Jade asks her what she means by that. Becca clarified that she meant she felt bad for the people who mishandled her aunt’s medication, because “they must feel horrible.”

Jade is growing visibly upset at this point, and says that she can’t sympathize with them right now, to which Becca responds with something like “you should be more empathetic.” Jade starts crying, and I guess that’s what kicks me back into gear. I tell Becca I want to talk to her upstairs.

Maybe not the best move, but I could see Becca had her heels in deep and I didn’t think a confrontation in front of Jade and the others would be fair to either of them, so the best thing I could come up with at the time was removing Becca from the situation while Tori and Emma comforted Jade.

Once we get upstairs, I tell Becca that she’s out of line by saying something like that to our grieving friend, and that she should avoid conversations like that right now. Becca tries to defend herself by saying that we should always empathize with both sides. I make it clear that we should be prioritizing our friend over strangers, and she wasn’t here to be playing devil’s advocate, she was here to support Jade.

Becca gets frustrated with me and tells me I should put myself in others’ shoes, because everyone makes mistakes. At that point, I’m getting frustrated too. I tell her that Jade has no obligation to give these people any sympathy, and if she’s going to continue to push this conversation then she should leave.

She says something like “you’re really kicking me out over a difference in opinion?” And I tell her yes, if that difference in opinion is actively upsetting Jade and derailing the original intent of the gathering, and she’s not going to let it go, then I don’t want her to stay. She calls me a close-minded b and leaves.

When it’s time for Jade to leave, she thanked me for taking care of the situation, but after she left both Emma and Tori say that I was too harsh and I shouldn’t have intervened. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ladyxochi said:

Becca is the one who should've been more empathic. There's opinions, there's honesty and there's tact. Becca still has a lot to learn about the latter. PS: I'm Dutch. We're known to be "blunt." Too honest, too straightforward. But this is even too tactless for us Dutch. NTA.

grammarlysucksa$s said:

NTA, as a medic, you handled this perfectly. I’m sure the professional involved in this tragedy is absolutely devastated by their mistake, but they absolutely are not owed empathy from the patient’s family. Becca insisting on performative empathy for this faceless individual who won’t ever actually experience it, at the expense of your grieving friend’s feelings, is a prime example of being "nice but not kind."

MaterialMonitor6423 said:

NTA. Your friend sounds braindead. Read the room, Becca. She provided nothing of value. No comfort, no insights, just the worst possible comments under the guise of pragmatism and balance. There will be plenty of time to "look at both sides" once the sting of the death has passed.

beached_not_broken said:

NTA. But you’ve got some petty in your piggy bank. Every time she has something go wrong make sure to empathize the point the other way. Parking ticket. “I feel sorry for those that keep driving around looking for a parking spot but they’re always taken by people who overstay…”

Speeding ticket “I feel sorry for the policeman that has to always confront people who have done the wrong thing, it must be hard to know that you are trying to keep everyone is safe but no one appreciated your work.”

Cheating boyfriend “I feel sorry for the other girl- must be hard to like someone so much that you’d rather be the other woman than to not be able to express your love and care…”

ireland20333 said:

NTA, your friend Becca really needs to learn how to filter, and when to shut her mouth. Who the hell tells someone they feel sorry for the people responsible for the death of their loved one?

Fianna9 said:

NTA - this was not the time nor the place. The doctors and medical staff made a mistake and some one died. This is not a difference of opinion, this is medical malpractice. Becca is being rude and very inconsiderate.

Even if this was a situation where both sides should be considered- it was not then. Jade needed some space from her grief. Not to be reminded of it and told it was wrong