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Woman kicks friend out and stops the party over a 'treat' for her dog, 'I saw red.' AITA? UPDATED.

Woman kicks friend out and stops the party over a 'treat' for her dog, 'I saw red.' AITA? UPDATED.

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"AITA for kicking out my friend and ending the party after she fed my dog a 'treat?'"

I (28F) always knew that when I can live alone, I wanted to have a dog. When I moved, I had that opportunity in the form of a relative's pet that needed to be rehomed.

She was already very old (13), deaf and generally needed a lot of attention. Its been a year and I love this dog. tldr she truly changed my life. I am absolutely an annoying dog mom.

She's also very allergic to SOMEthing that her vet and I are trying to figure out what. It manifests in dry flaky skin that she will itch hard enough to bleed. We're trying a food allergy trial.

This means she is on a very specific diet of a prescription dry food until a trial period of 8-9 weeks is over. If she does get something off-menu, we have to start the trial period over. Most of my friends know this because I always complain how expensive the food is.

Cut to the party: I invited a few close friends around to my place for a holiday shindig. Living far away, work, etc usually keeps us apart so I was super excited. I ordered us McDonald's (we all agreed beforehand to split a big order because why not).

I made a ton of jokes to my dog about how "None of it is for you young lady!" in front of everyone. I'll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too. The food comes and we're all having a good time.

I step away to find my friend (25F) dropping a piece of fish filet for my dog to gobble up in the kitchen. I freak out and ask her what she was doing. Again, my dog is deaf so she just keeps pawing my friend for another piece, which she gave her saying "But she's so cute! A little piece of fish can't hurt"

I'll admit it, I kind of lost it. We were 6 weeks into the trial and now I would have to start all over, buying so much more expensive food. I'm sure I yelled and cussed at her.

I don't really remember, I saw red. I do remember telling everyone that I'm sorry but I'm too angry to enjoy or host a party right now and asked everyone to leave. I told them to also feel free to take the remaining food and don't worry about paying for their shares since I'm the reason the party is ending early.

The next day I apologized to my friend for yelling. She seems very hurt and isn't very open to continuing the conversation. She says she honestly forgot and didn't see the harm.

To be fair, fish was on the list of things I don't suspect she is allergic to and may have mentioned that to the group. Also, my dog also is on other medications that stop any harmful reactions to off-list foods. At most she'll get flaky skin, but not super itchy or upset stomach or anything.

My friends overall seem pretty split. Half the group thinks I'm justified and aren't upset with me ending the party knowing how much I care about my dog. The other half thinks I'm overreacting over a piece of fish.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Pristine_Pie_2254 said:

NTA. You don't feed another person's dogs without permission. Ever. For the last 2 years of my dog's life she was on an extremely strict diet. Anything outside of this diet gave her pain and unending diarrhea. On top of that she was incontinent due to her conditions causing muscle waste.

I do want to add that there are some grains and proteins that dogs often can't tolerate. Mine was VERY allergic to anything corn or poultry. Like even a whisper of those 2 ingredients would for sure five her and eat infection but if it was enough she would get a skin infection.

I am so sorry you had to back track(mine also did the food elimination diet via the vet but it was a bit different than yours). Plus I know their fish is breaded and fried, so it could have still affected your food trial.

xramona said:

NTA. I’ve had my dog for a little over ten years now. My boyfriend and I sometimes have his dad over for dinner. His dad ALWAYS asks what our dog can have - he loves giving her table scraps, especially after recently losing his own pup - but is super mindful about asking permission to ensure she’s safe and healthy.

We also give him a heads up on specific stuff she can’t have for whatever reason and there’s never an argument or question. If you didn’t prepare the food it might have something dangerous in it!

The dog might have a special diet! The dog might have an upset tummy! There are a million reasons not to just make the executive decisions about an animal that isn’t yours! I will never understand how this is a difficult concept to grasp.

Jao_99 said:

SO many dogs have allergies. What kind of idiot feeds someone’s dog human food without asking first?? NTA but your friend is.

TheSuperAlly said:

ESH, as a dog owner I do think this was a massive overreaction. You admit it you gave a thinly veiled jokey reminders instead of stating to your friends “hey it’s really important the dog doesn’t get any food” and you also said that you mentioned to the group that you don’t think it’s fish, so logically of all the things it would be the most minor.

You need to be actually clear and firm about restrictions around the health of your dog when people enter the house. Should she have given the dog a treat? Probably not but I genuinely think it was a minor mistake that could have been calmly resolved instead of screaming, cursing and throwing everybody out of your house.

If you were concerned about the dog getting food why wasn’t she put in another room while people are eating? Someone easily could have dropped similar and your trial would have been ruined all the same.

The1983Jedi said:

NTA. I have dogs. I puppy sits for an extended family 1-2 times a year. It's maximum 6 dogs & 3 cats. I would never feed them or anyone else's pet food without the owners permission, just like if they had a kid.

LostDogBoulderUtah said:

ESH Screaming and swearing at someone you still want to be friends with later? Losing control to the point you don't even know what you said or are too embarrassed to repeat it here? Not okay. She also shouldn't have fed your dog food after being warned not to.

UPDATE:

First: thanks to everyone for the kind words! Me and my old lady appreciate it! I'll most likely be the last owner she'll ever have so I try to make her last years great years. Second: No bad skin reaction happened thankfully. We started over the food trial and seem to be all good thus far.

Third: my friend agreed to chat over coffee finally. I explained why I was so mad and apologized again. She accepted it and in turn apologized. Based on many suggestions, I cautiously asked if she would be willing to pay for some of the food trial I had "lost". She agreed to pay based on what she could afford, which I was more than fine with. Noone is made of money here.

Then I broke down the cost. Folks, she was the one who lost it this time. (For context, my dog's prescription food bag are ~$60 each and we had used a bag and a half at that point.) She called me delusional, claimed I was only using her for money and said again how it "wasn't a big deal" and "all this for some "allergies?""(Yes she used air quotes) she even said "if it was this much trouble you should just put her down."

Long story short I ended the friendship right there. I told her to not worry about the money or anything, I don't want anything to do with her. To put salt on the wound, a few friends confirmed that she joined in a group chat brainstorming how to make me allergy-free dog treats for xmas (which is, as you may expect, VERY hard to do) and were planning see what snacks I already had at my house.

Also, my dog doesn't beg like other dogs because she can't ever tell where/who food smell is coming from in the room. So she stands conveniently (and awkwardly)in the way of peoples conversation until someone decides shes cute enough for a scrap.

I sent a message to everyone who attended again apologizing for ending the party and offered to host again, this time explicitly mentioning to please not feed my dog any food no matter how cute she is. Most seemed amenable, others didn't really respond so I guess they're not coming. Which is fine by me. Aka As many suspected, the fish thing was intentional.

Turns out those that agreed with me also got Bad Vibes from that one friend so it all conveniently made us closer lol. My sweet old dog is worth so much more than that friendship. That convo was a few days ago and I already feel a lot better about my circle of friends.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

haukeys said:

Such strange behavior. I was at a party recently where everyone seemed to really want to feed the host’s dog. EVERYONE asked first, and although they seemed disappointed to be told “no”, none of them fed the dog. This is basic etiquette.

Pale-Ebb6733 said:

I know it sucks but it may be worth having your dog in the other room, at least when food is being handed out and eaten. It would really suck to restart again if someone drops a fry on accident, which is so easy to do. Even if someone hadn't done this on purpose I feel like there was a lot of risk to start with.

Your friend was majorly wrong for what she said but you could always be proactive next event. I have had friends kennel or place their dog in another room during parties because their diets are so strict. It stops people from falling for the cute eyes begging for scraps and prevent accidents.

If I knew a dropped fry was a $60 bag of food fiasco waiting to happen I would have a hard time relaxing as a guest. Glad she's doing well and hopefully future gatherings go smoothly!

Torquip said:

You controlled yourself very well against someone who suggested killing your dog. Disgusting. I’m glad your friend group is better off.

5ushi_Kitty said:

You made the right call. Anyone who intentionally tries to involve themselves in your dog’s allergy trial can gtfo. I’ll also never understand people who don’t say anything about others spending thousands on tv’s or the latest phone or even a trading card, but suddenly you spend a heap of cash on a living and loving animal and you’re the crazy one!

AMerrickanGirl said:

NTA. It’s so annoying when people won’t respect an easy boundary. I have a neighbor doesn’t have a dog but who likes to pass out dog treats to the local dogs on their morning walks. I asked her very politely to stop giving my dog any because my dog only weighs 6 pounds (chihuahua) and keeping her weight down is difficult because she is a pig and will eat everything.

The neighbor stopped giving her treats but will NOT stop the guilt trip. “Sorry, [my dog’s name], You poor thing, I can’t give you a treat because your mommy won’t let me." Implying that I’m a mean mommy. Every damn time.

I asked her to cut it out but she seems offended that I won’t let her give my dog a treat, and so I should respect her boundary and let her feed my dog. Honestly, some people. So annoying.

Almost everyone was on OP's side for this one, before and after the update. What's your advice for these friends?

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