Woman kicks MIL out of house; 'You bully MY DAUGHTER? FIND A HOTEL!' AITA? UPDATED

When this woman is furious with her MIL, she asks the internet:

"AITA for kicking my mother-in-law out of my house because she won't stop complaining about my daughter?"

Both me (28F) and my husband (30M) are from Latin America. We moved to the UK shortly after we had our eldest (5M). Our daughter, who turns one in April, was born here.

My mother-in-law (60s) and my husband's older brother (37M), neither of whom have met our daughter before, are flying over for her birthday. BIL wanted to get a hotel room for himself and MIL doesn't speak any English, so we decided to have her stay at our place instead of leaving her alone in a foreign country.

Years ago, when I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I made the mistake of revealing his name to our families. My MIL spent the next months complaining about it. She'd send us lists of name suggestions, look up bad historical figures with the same name as the one we'd chosen, and just generally say it was awful.

She didn't stop until our son was born and the name was on his birth certificate. So for my second pregnancy, we decided to keep our daughter's name a secret until after her birth. We figured that not knowing her name until it was unchangeable would stop MIL from complaining.

We were wrong. Our daughter's name is Cecilia. Minutes after she was born, my MIL called my husband and asked, "You know Cecilia means 'blind', right?"

Almost a year later, she hasn't stopped complaining. If it's not because of the meaning, it's because it's "ugly", "long", or "an old lady name." There have been occasions in which my husband sent pictures of her to his family's group chat and his mom replied with stuff like, "How cute! Too bad her name is Cecilia."

It genuinely feels like my daughter is being bullied. Whenever we talk to my MIL (which has been happening less and less lately for this exact reason), she has a new complaint.

Up until now, the main reason I was able to (kind of) tune it out was because she hadn't complained to us in person or in front of our children. But she'll be here in less than two weeks, and I'm absolutely certain she'll continue her crusade at our home.

I don't want to hear it, I don't want my son to hear it, and I don't want my baby's first birthday to be ruined by grandma's b&hing.

So a couple months ago, my husband and I called his mom. We told her she could no longer stay with us, and to ask BIL to help her get a hotel room. We also told her the reasons behind our decision.

MIL cried on the phone, and has called us several times since. She always either apologizes, calls us dramatic, or accuses us of alienating her from her grandkids. Throughout all this, she continues to insist she has the right to dislike our daughter's name, and still hasn't booked a hotel room.

My BIL agrees she's being a dick, but is upset we told her she can no longer stay at our place. He's accusing us of forcing an elderly woman to stay alone in a foreign country even though we're perfectly capable of housing her. He's also mad that after promising for months that MIL could stay at our house, we're retracting our offer.

This whole situation has been exhausting, and I'm starting to worry I might be overreacting. AITA?

On OOP's relationship with her MIL:

Besides this problem, we have an okay relationship with her. Could be better, but it's way less awful than many of my friends' MILs. That said, she's always had the tendency of complaining. Even before we had kids, we knew she'd complain about whatever names we picked. We just didn't know how bad it would be.

"NTA. She made the decisions that lead to this. You’re not MAKING her do anything, and it’s not like the UK is a warzone. Her safety is not at risk."

I agree that safety wouldn't be much of a concern, but I also agree that being alone in a foreign country you've never visited without knowing the language can be fg terrifying.

"Who is paying for the trip?"

MIL's paying for her plane ticket, BIL is paying for his. He's also helping her cover some expenses, but she's paying for most of her stuff.

"NTA, and now I'm curious about your son's name if she take offense to Cecilia."

Henrique (we call him Henry). But it doesn't matter. We could name our kids after her and she'd still complain.

dagy writes:

NTA. All she will do is complain not just about her nieces name but everything regarding you and your motherhood. She seems like one of those monster in laws. I am also pretty sure when her niece grows up she will also dislike her because of these actions.

She has the right not to like the name but she should keep that opinion to herself. After all she is the one who chose her childrens name so you and your husband also have the right to pick whatever name you like. It's been a year now and she should just get over this.

I just think this is an excuse to complain, like most MILs find one. The name is not the problem. She is just mad you didn't give her the chance to name her granddaughter ( which obviously you are not required to do).

To me that is pure bullying. She is her granddaughter and whatever name you chose for her she is supposed to like. Also Cecilia is such a cute name

aghauu writes:

NTA. MIL needs her own place to stay because inevitably she is going to be kicked out of your house.

Does she have the right to dislike your daughter's name? Yes. Do you have the right to kick her out for whatever reason you want? Yes.

Don't give in. Right now it's just b&ing about names. Later it's bitching about your parenting, the kids' lifestyle choices, etc. etc. etc. She needs to know that her negative criticisms aren't welcome around you and your family. At all.

Edit addition: You know, my MIL is not a bad person. She did a lot for and with my kids when they were little. But she's also very judgmental. She has trouble keeping her mouth shut when she disapproves.

My kids are now adults and they resent my MIL to this day for little comments made while they were growing up. They don't share things with her because they fear being judged. They don't talk to her as much as they talk to my parents because they don't want her negativity.

Your MIL would do well to change how she behaves because your kids won't enjoy having a cranky grandmother and given the geographic distance between them, your kids will make zero effort to keep in touch.

faceless writes:

NTA. Tell her yes, she is right, and she is allowed to dislike your child's names. However, that doesn't mean she has the right to voice that opinion. But, she's done that, too. You've heard her opinion, it's not changing. At this point, she is acting like a child and a bully. If she can not be an adult and keep it to herself, then you and your husband have to protect both of your children.

It was never her choice and her decision. You are not alienating her. She's doing it herself. How does she think her granddaughter would feel knowing that her grandmother hates her name so much?

It will be taken as she hates her granddaughter. Same with your son. He's 5, and he's not going to be able to understand. He's going to hear what Grandma says about his sister, most likely repeat it, again because he's 5. It has a good chance of influencencing how he treats his sister.

If she can not get over it, then she has to deal with the consequences. Again, she's an adult, not a child. You and your husband won't treat her like one. These are the consequences of her actions/words. If she wants things to be different, then she needs to behave differently than she has been.

Also, make it clear that neither of you will hesitate to kick her out of the house if she says one thing about your daughter's name. Especially if she says it in front of or to your son or your daughter (especially your son since he's of the age to remember, repeat, and mimick her). Most importantly, follow through if it happens.

fleaka writes:

1st Cecilia means blind OR hidden and considering the story of how you had to hide the name from her it actually gives the name a whole new meaning since you were hiding it to protect her, turning the name into a real symbol of your love for her.

2nd Cecilia is a beautiful name on its own, i don’t know how it sounds with a latin accent but lain accents rarely ever make things sound ugly so it is probably sound even more beautiful when you say it (then again the properness of an english accent can sometimes dull words so that probably cancels your accents out)

3rd no one has the right to dislike someones name, not wanting to give that name to your own child is one thing but to straight up discriminate against someone for their name is not acceptable

NTA, i would tell MIL, that after careful consideration you don’t think its a good idea for her to be part of Cecilia’s life, and that she will not be meeting her if she still comes to the UK.

Update 1:

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I posted, so I want to give you an update. I'll try to be brief.

For the next couple of weeks after my first post, MIL continued her attempts to convince us to let her stay with us, but still refused to book a hotel room.

My husband and I decided to speak with BIL again. He told us that the main reason why he wanted to get a hotel room for himself was to explore the city on his own, but could understand why we didn't want MIL to stay with us anymore. Eventually, he agreed to help her get a different room at the hotel he'd stay in.

From what I gather, he also spent the weeks leading up to the visit telling his mother that if she tried complaining about Cecilia's name at any point, he would call a taxi to send her back to the hotel.

Cecilia's birthday went off without a hitch, except for the fact that MIL immediately tried to give her a nickname. For a few hours, she kept calling her "Lila." She was doing so behind our backs, and my husband and I didn't realize it until our son came to ask us if "grandma knew Ceci's name."

My BIL offered to call the taxi, but we decided to brush it off. Later, my husband pulled MIL aside and said that if she ever tried to complain about either of our children again, she wouldn't get to visit us anymore. She behaved herself until she and BIL flew back home, and we haven't heard any complaints from her since.

I'm very satisfied with this outcome. Though I'm still worried she will complain about my kids again in the future, I now know that we have my husband's brother by our side, which will greatly help us navigate our relationship with their mother.

Also, kudos to those who brought up Simon and Garfunkel's "Cecilia"!

Thank you for reassuring me I wasn't overreacting. I wish you all well.

Moving forward:

I'm pretty confident things will get better after all this. Their visit went perfectly fine (besides the whole Lila thing), and I think she got the message that she won't get any more chances if she tries to complain again.