Woman kicks MIL out of her house for complaining about daughter's name, 'she is being bullied.' AITA?
"AITA for kicking my mother-in-law out of my house because she won't stop complaining about my daughter's name?
Both me (28F) and my husband (30M) are from Latin America. We moved to the UK shortly after we had our eldest (5M). Our daughter, who turns one in April, was born here. My mother-in-law (60s) and my husband's older brother (37M), neither of whom have met our daughter before, are flying over for her birthday. BIL wanted to get a hotel room for himself and MIL doesn't speak any English, so we decided to have her stay at our place instead of leaving her alone in a foreign country.
Years ago, when I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I made the mistake of revealing his name to our families. My MIL spent the next months complaining about it. She'd send us lists of name suggestions, look up bad historical figures with the same name as the one we'd chosen, and just generally say it was awful.
She didn't stop until our son was born and the name was on his birth certificate. So for my second pregnancy, we decided to keep our daughter's name a secret until after her birth. We figured that not knowing her name until it was unchangeable would stop MIL from complaining. We were wrong. Our daughter's name is Cecilia. Minutes after she was born, my MIL called my husband and asked, "You know Cecilia means "blind," right?"
Almost a year later, she hasn't stopped complaining. If it's not because of the meaning, it's because it's "ugly," "long," or "an old lady name." There have been occasions in which my husband sent pictures of her to his family's group chat and his mom replied with stuff like, "How cute! Too bad her name is Cecilia."
It genuinely feels like my daughter is being bullied. Whenever we talk to my MIL (which has been happening less and less lately for this exact reason), she has a new complaint. Up until now, the main reason I was able to (kind of) tune it out was because she hadn't complained to us in person or in front of our children. But she'll be here in less than two weeks, and I'm absolutely certain she'll continue her crusade at our home.
I don't want to hear it, I don't want my son to hear it, and I don't want my baby's first birthday to be ruined by grandma's b$tching. So a couple months ago, my husband and I called his mom. We told her she could no longer stay with us, and to ask BIL to help her get a hotel room. We also told her the reasons behind our decision.
MIL cried on the phone, and has called us several times since. She always either apologizes, calls us dramatic, or accuses us of alienating her from her grandkids. Throughout all this, she continues to insist she has the right to dislike our daughter's name, and still hasn't booked a hotel room.
My BIL agrees she's being a d$ck, but is upset we told her she can no longer stay at our place. He's accusing us of forcing an elderly woman to stay alone in a foreign country even though we're perfectly capable of housing her. He's also mad that after promising for months that MIL could stay at our house, we're retracting our offer. This whole situation has been exhausting, and I'm starting to worry I might be overreacting. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
85MustangHatchback said:
First off N.T.A. How hard is it to just NOT complain about a name? Seriously. She made her choice when she insisted she has the right to not like your daugher's name. She could have easily said "I don't like the name, but won't mention it again because it clearly upsets you." Boom. Done. SHE made the CHOICE to be a pain. Again, NTA.
ShowMeTheFunny22 said:
NTA. Her crusade would continue in the sanctity of your home. We reap what we sow.
littlebitfunny21 said:
Nta. Do NOT let her bully your child in front of your son. He's old enough to understand. Ffs. Don't bully an infant. How is that difficult?
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. The compromise solution is simple. Let her come stay with you but with the understanding that if she makes ONE comment about your daughter's name, out she goes. That very minute. You and your husband can drive her directly to the nearest hotel. Over and out.
ShinyAppleScoop said:
NTA. She has the right to hate the name and to complain about it, but it doesn't mean there aren't consequences to her actions.
Petefriend86 said:
NTA. Full mama bear mode is completely acceptable when someone is bullying your kids.