Woman kicks partner's sister out, 'she disrespected us IN OUR OWN HOME.' AITA?
"AITA for asking my partner’s sister to leave after she disrespected us in our own home?"
My partner (28F) and I (25F) have been together for a while and worked hard to build a calm, independent life for ourselves. We both came from rocky family backgrounds, but have created a soft, stable life—filled with communication, compassion, and just…peace.
Recently, her younger sister (19F) came to us for help. She has a lot of unresolved mental health issues that she refuses to address. She’s not working, doesn’t have a high school diploma, and is currently on social assistance.
She had been living with their emotionally toxic father but got them kicked out of their last apartment after mouthing off to the landlord. (She had reason to be upset, but the way she handled it escalated things unnecessarily.)
She reached out to us because she needed help finding housing in the city and wasn’t sure if social assistance would cover rent. We agreed to help. We found her a place, paid her first month’s rent and damage deposit, bought her some groceries and essentials, and even gave her a bunch of stuff from around our house to help her get started.
We also agreed to cover any financial gaps that she had until she found a job, paying for her groceries or her bills that she couldn’t afford. Before moving into her new place, we let her stay with us for a few days.
The only condition was that while we were away on vacation (5 days), she would take care of our three cats and keep the place reasonably tidy. We sent her clear messages about what was expected, including reminders during our trip.
When we got home, the house was disgusting. The cat litter hadn’t been touched, the kitchen was a mess, and the house smelled. I had to clean the kitchen before I could make supper for the three of us. My partner dealt with the cat litter.
Later, my partner gently brought it up with her. She reminded her that we were doing her a favor, and that not taking care of the house was disrespectful. Her sister completely lost it—screaming at us, calling us names, saying we were OCD (we’re not, our house is just normally clean but lived-in), and telling us we were on some kind of high horse and didn’t care about her.
She then started crying and yelling more. We told her that if she was going to continue behaving that way, she needed to leave. She stormed outside and sat on the front steps, calling everyone she knew and telling them we kicked her out.
For me, it’s not about the state of the house (although it was gross). It’s about the repeated disrespect. Every time she’s around, she’s yelling, angry, or emotionally explosive toward my partner. I’ve reached my limit. So, AITA for telling her to leave and not tolerating this behavior in our home anymore?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Spike-2021 said:
NTA. She clearly needs help - and not the kind you and your partner can give her. She needs therapy and maybe meds. (And she needs to grow tf up.) Are there social services in your area that may be able to help her? Is her mom in the picture?
Any other family (that's not you two)? You do not have to put up with disrespect in your own home. You do not need this burden. You were very kind to try and try again...
sideglancegirl said:
NTA. She’s way too old to behaving like that. When she loses the apartment you found her don’t let her move back in.
KrofftSurvivor said :
NTA. This young woman has somehow come to the conclusion that she has the right to treat anyone any way she wants, as rudely as she likes, and still expect them to provide for her. That needs to end.
Odd_Substance_9032 said:
NTA - she has mental issues and won’t get help. You can’t help her. Stop enabling her, you’re only making it worse.
Sad-Country-9873 said:
NTA - she wasn't planning on getting out. She was planning on keeping her behavior and you all taking care of her for life. I hope you took pictures to show everyone the way she left things. I hope you get her out of there and change the locks.
Sea-Refrigerator9188 said:
NTA. I would ask her to leave after the first week of that crap. I don't want that crap in my house. I hate yelling.
DynkoFromTheNorth said:
NTA, and please also consider withdrawing any payments made towards her situation if still possible. Otherwise she'll keep using the two of you as wallets on legs, as well as doormats. Her behavior needs severe consequences.