Woman leaves the hospital after postpartum sister announces her baby's name, 'it was very selfish.' AITA?
"AITA for leaving the hospital after my sister gave birth and announced the name of her baby?"
I (32f) have been dealing with infertility for 7 years now. My husband and I are prepared for the fact we might never get to have a child together but it's not easy. We're both currently in individual therapy to help us process all of this and find a way to be a peace regardless of what the future holds for us, but I truly hope we are lucky enough to have a child.
My husband and I have baby names picked out. We never talk about them. But we have a little note on our baby name book with our boy and girl name pick. It's in our bedroom. We don't look at it much anymore but it keeps us hoping, you know.
My sister (36f) has five daughters and two weeks ago she gave birth to her first son. My husband was working but I was at the hospital with my parents and my sister's ILs waiting for the birth. Once he was born we were called into meet my nephew and my sister told us they'd chosen the name Elio for him.
She said the name was originally mine and my husband's top choice but since we wouldn't be having any kids after all this time, she decided they should use it and not let the name go to waste being kept secret by me. It was then I remember seeing my sister at my room while she was pregnant a few months before. I thought nothing of it at the time but realized she'd been snooping.
My parents asked how she could do that without talking to me first. My sister replied that it seemed a shame to waste a perfectly good name if I asked her not to use it. I couldn't handle it and I left. I didn't even say congrats or anything. I left and went home and I cried for a while.
The very next day my sister called and asked me why I made it such a big deal. She also decided to drop that she was hurt I never discussed my baby names with her, gatekeeping them, even when I knew I wouldn't have a baby.
I asked her how she could could go out of her way to take the one name my husband and I had picked. She called me sensitive. I ended the call without another word.
My parents checked in on me two days after. But since then my parents have said I should let it go and apologize for walking out. My sister also said I made her post partum time and it was very selfish on my part. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
calling_water said:
NTA. Keeping your preferences secret is not “gatekeeping names.” The names exist without you, and you don’t owe anyone else your ideas. It sounds like she deliberately searched out your preferred name so she could use it to spite you, and rub it in that she can use it while you so far can’t.
What a malicious way to bring a child into the world. And now of course she makes your provoked reaction about how that hurts her. I don’t know how you get past this, with her. Your sister sounds extremely toxic.
RebeccaMCullen said:
NTA. It's not gatekeeping if she found the name by being rude and looking through your personal space. I can't help but wonder what the baby's father thinks of the name and if he knew how OP's sister found the name.
ConnectionRound3141 said:
NTA Your sister is selfish and cruel. I also highly doubt that this is the first time she’s behaved this way if you really think about it. People like this don’t just do something this unethical once.
I’m sure there’s been other passive aggressive digs and jealous actions previously. I mean, she essentially admitted to stealing your list of names. It’s probably best if you go low contact with her. You don’t deserve to be subjected to AHs like this.
Trespassingw said:
NTA. It's not about name. It's about your sis being cruel and rude to tell you in your face you are never having kids and so never using this name. She is heavy AH. I would cut or at least limit any contacts with her.
mizfit416 said:
You don't owe anyone an apology. You have a right to feel the way you do. Some on here are probably going to say you can't own a name...blah blah blah. Your sister is sinister and just wrong. NTA.
Crzy_Grl said:
NTA but your sister...wow. That was extremely cruel. I've known a couple of people who had given up on having kids, and then got pregnant in their late 30s. She shouldn't be so dismissive about it. She is very insensitive, and i would not apologize. She should be the one to apologize.