Woman leaves SIL's house when she realizes why she was invited, 'I could barely stand without crying.' AITA?

"AITA for leaving my SIL’s house after she invited me over to 'not be alone' but just wanted free childcare?"

I (25F) had to put my cat down unexpectedly, and it has completely shattered me. He wasn’t “just a pet” — he was my best friend, my emotional support, my companion through everything. I’ve had him since I was a teenager, and I loved him more than I can explain.

Making the decision to let him go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I held him in my arms at the vet while he passed, and I genuinely don’t know how I made it home after. I cried all night. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I took the next day off work because I couldn’t even function — I was in absolute pieces.

That day, my sister-in-law called and said she didn’t want me to be alone, and invited me to come over. I was hesitant but also grateful that someone seemed to care. I thought I’d be able to just sit quietly, cry a little, maybe talk about him if I needed to — basically just exist around someone so I wasn’t drowning by myself.

But the moment I got there, it was clear that “not being alone” actually meant helping her with her kids. We immediately left to pick them up from school. Her son didn’t want to get off the jungle gym, and when I just stood there, SIL got annoyed that I wasn’t physically removing him — even though I could barely stand upright without crying.

Back at her place, she told her son I would help him with homework while she made dinner. I tried to gently bring up my cat once or twice — I honestly just needed to talk about him — and each time she cut me off with “you’re just having a moment” or said we didn’t need to dwell. I felt completely dismissed.

Then her son needed help in the bathroom and she asked me to do it. I don’t know if she realized, but I’d been crying on and off the entire time I was there. I hadn’t been able to think straight since yesterday. I wasn’t even sure why I agreed to come. And now I was being asked to play babysitter, while grieving the most traumatic loss I’ve ever experienced?

At that point, I just stood up and left. I didn’t say much — I didn’t trust myself not to sob or scream. I just got in my car and went home. Later she texted me saying I upset her kids by “storming out” and that she was trying to help me take my mind off things. But I don’t think she ever actually saw how much pain I was in.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

dembowthennow said:

I'm sorry for your loss. NTA. Clearly, your SIL is selfish and unempathetic. In the future, you'll know that any act that looks like kindness from her is largely self-serving. Take all the time you need to grieve and perhaps look for some pet grief support groups online.

NationalBase3449 said:

I lost my dog recently as well. They are so much more then pets and there are people who do not understand that. People also grieve differently as well. Your sister may have honestly thought she was doing something good for you, that dealing with children would occupy your mind, but that may be what she needs when she grieves, it doesn't mean it's what you need.

So, I'd say NTA, your sister was insensitive and unobservant, but I do not think you were wrong to take yourself out of the situation. If you "storming out" caused the kids angst, I would ask her if you crying during your entire visit wasn't.

ScarletNotThatOne said:

NTA. And she might have actually been trying to help. But obv it wasn't helpful. And she was clearly not interested in what you might have thought would be helpful. I'm sorry for your loss.

DaisyDrizzley said:

NTA. She said “don’t be alone,” not “be my free babysitter.” You needed space to grieve, not a job. Your feelings matter, and she seriously missed the mark.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:

NTA. She wasn't helping. Grieving is a process, and she actively impeded it. "Taking your mind off things," isn't helping you work through your grief.

TwinkleGleame said:

NTA. She invited you over to be there for you, not to hand you a babysitting gig while you’re falling apart. You needed support and space to grieve, not extra stress. Leaving was totally fair.